I refuse to get married.

[I_Lucas]

Yes, ladies and gentlemen of the forum, you read that correctly.

Having endured the shallow matrimonial ceremonies of a number of cousins (who end up getting a divorce a few years later), not to mention being in the wedding parties of both my best friend and my brother, I have to say the ideas of both weddings and marriage sicken me. I never want to hear Bach's overplayed 'Wedding March' again. I never want to see another bridal gown. I never want to hear another wedding sermon. And I never, ever want to go to another damned reception as long I live.

There are other reasons why I refuse to tread down the proverbial aisle.

1. The responsibility of both the spouse and the household
2. The inevitable boredom (and I'm not just talking about sex)
3. Socializing with other married couples (How bourgeois can you get?)
4. Children (I can't stand them)
5. The spouse's family (they usually end up not worth knowing)
6. The social pressure to act and be 'normal' (in other words: dull)
7. The suppression of your own hopes and desires
8. The inevitable dumbing down of yourself and your partner
9. The endless arguments over the most minute and insignificant issues
10. Growing old and realizing you've wasted your life on someone you only thought you knew intimately

And now I will end with this saying: Better Dead than Wed.

 

[arsenalwa]

I totally agree with everything you said. I feel exactly the same way about marriage and for exactly all the reasons you mentioned. Couldn't have said it better myself.

 

[coyote]

they say practice makes perfect

I've only been married twice

I suppose I'll need to try again eventually

 

[mads]

1)

I think it is great my wife and I are responsible for each other

2) Depends how you live your life

3) Doesnt have to be that

4) Nothing against children, love them

5) My wifes family are great

6) Just be yourself

7) Why shouldnt you be able to get that?

8) Again doesnt have to be this way

9) One word. Communation

10) Why have you wasted your life if you live with one you love?

 

[WriterChick3]

I can sorta understand the thing of not wanting to get married -- except I've grown up with parents who had no real connection and, in a nutshell, kinda gave me a bad idea of how marriage is. But I know other people (other relatives of mine, etc) who have good marriages and treat eachother really good.
But I still have that doubt in my head and feel that I've been brainwashed ... yet I still have a bit of hope.
Then it switches to ... what if the person changes for the worst (like becomes foul or mean), or cheats, or we fall out of love, etc.

.... I don't wanna get married, either, but atleast I've made a vow that I will not be with someone who is outside of what I like in a guy. And I'm too young to even think of love, so yeah.

 

[Feathers]

I have a bit of marriage phobia myself, Lucas you do sound a bit snobbish though.

Some married couples are really cool and can talk about fascinating things too... (like Nietzsche or London or eco style life etc.)
Some have a very funky style too and untraditional views...
Some are just plain fun to be with!!

2. and 10. cancel each other out - if you only thought you knew them apparently you didn't know them well enough??
And what's a better way to prevent boredom than getting to know someone - if that someone is an interesting enough person!!

so, it really depends on the people... and hey, hope you don't get bored being single?

 

[vj288]

I don't think getting married leads to those 10 things necessarily. I mean do you just not want to be committed to someone or is it just marriage. I mean personally I would rather grow old thinking I wasted my life on someone I only thought I knew intimately than thinking I wasted my life alone.

I perrsonally am not sure if I'll get married per se, but I would like to think I'll be able to find someone to enjoy life with, seems to trump all the reasons you gave in my opinion. It's a risk, but it seems like a risk worth taking.

 

[I_Lucas]

I should have added one last reason, probably the primary one.

I don't like the idea of some other person knowing me thoroughly and being me around all the time. I can't take anyone's constant presence for too long of a time. I value my solitude like gold.

And I didn't care for that 'you sound a bit snobbish' remark either, Feathers (Oh I say, old chap, do I really sound like bit a of snob? Oh, how dreadfully dreadful!). I'm not snobbish, I'm bitter! Besides, I'm too poor and rustic to be a snob anyway. So there, chew on that!

 

[Kinetik]

I was married for a couple of years and it was exactly as you described. I can't imagine marriages lasting decades. I suppose it would require two people with very similar aspirations and temperaments.

And Feathers always judges people, just ignore it.

 

[kihira]

There does seem to be this one main concept of wedding/marriage that is the socially accepted way to go. I wonder if the honeypot of being a bride prompts many women to lead their partners down this path - I can't recall any males having years-long passions about being a groom? It would be good if there was a range of choices for people in relationships (yes there are, but 100% accepted ones) so that couples could choose and change. I once briefly met a guy who worked as a seaman on freighter ships; He was visiting his girlfriend whilst in port, they were a happy couple (from memory she maybe had their child?). He also had two other girlfriends in other places in the world and everyone was cool about it all.

 

[awkwardamanda]

1. The responsibility of both the spouse and the household
2. The inevitable boredom (and I'm not just talking about sex)
3. Socializing with other married couples (How bourgeois can you get?)
4. Children (I can't stand them)
5. The spouse's family (they usually end up not worth knowing)
6. The social pressure to act and be 'normal' (in other words: dull)
7. The suppression of your own hopes and desires
8. The inevitable dumbing down of yourself and your partner
9. The endless arguments over the most minute and insignificant issues
10. Growing old and realizing you've wasted your life on someone you only thought you knew intimately

1. If I loved him the responsibility wouldn't be a bad thing and I'd have to take care of a house if I lived alone anyway.
2. I wouldn't marry someone who bored me. I'd marry someone I enjoyed spending time with and had a lot in common with. I'd also make sure we had a good sex life beforehand.
3. Hey, if we had friends who happened to be married and we enjoyed spending time with them, then great. If not, oh well. I wouldn't force myself to go to dinners and have lame parties with other married couples just because of social pressure.
4. I hate kids too. You have to be on the same page about this before getting married. You can't just expect the other person to change their mind for you. I would not marry a guy who wanted kids.
5. Not necessarily. If they really get in the way of you having a great relationship with your partner, then this is probably worth considering before getting married. Or they may be mildly annoying but if you love your fiance/spouse enough, then it's worth learning to get along with them. But then maybe their family is great. Maybe if the two of you really are right for each other, their family will be more willing to accept you and be happy for the both of you.
6. Be yourself and love your spouse for who they are. Don't try to be "normal" just to please somebody. If you can't accept each other as is, you'll never be happy.
7. Find someone who lets you follow your dreams. Minor sacrifices may be necessary at times, but if you love each other you can make compromises and still be happy. If you have to completely abandon the life you want to live, you're in it for the wrong reasons.
8. If I have to dumb myself down, forget it. I want someone who's intelligent. Then I won't have to dumb him down either. I want someone on a reasonably level playing field, intellectually.
9. Conflict is inevitable, but it doesn't have to be endless either. If you're fighting constantly, then there's probably some underlying issue in the relationship.
10. I'll only marry someone I can see myself growing old with and enjoying my life with.

Your perception of marriage may have some elements of truth to it, but it doesn't have to be like that. Some people get married for the wrong reasons. They feel like it's the acceptable thing to do. They jump into marriage too soon. They don't take the time to make sure they really are happy together. They overlook conflicting goals in life. They think their time is running out. They think they'll never find someone better. They settle. I would much rather spend my life lonely than settle and be unhappy. It would be nice to get married eventually, but only if I find someone I'm truly happy with. I don't expect that to happen but there's a small chance I guess. Most people can't accept the possibility they may never find someone. That's why they settle and that's why so many people get divorced. Sometimes people change and fall out of love, but often enough, they were never quite right for each other in the first place. And I have no interest in weddings. I hate them. Many women are just obsessed with the thought of a wedding and make such a big deal out of theirs that the actual marriage takes a backseat. Being married to someone you love and are happy with is far more important than the wedding itself. I couldn't stand the attention and I don't like parties, so if I ever do get married I would much rather just go have it done by a judge and that's all. Hopefully the guy is okay with that, anyway.

I don't like the idea of some other person knowing me thoroughly and being me around all the time. I can't take anyone's constant presence for too long of a time. I value my solitude like gold.

I need a lot of alone time too and I usually don't like to have close relationships with people. I could only open up to the right person. I would have to find a guy who I enjoy spending time with, but who gives me my space when I need it, and I would have to feel overall very comfortable with him.

 

[Feathers]

poor snobbish person, those are the worst!!

don't mind me, I'm a terrible person!!
(Dad told me that already, said, 'Who's gonna wanna marry you?' So here I am still single decades later, probably bitter and miserable about it too, eh? )

maybe I didn't choose the right smiley up above, lol.. makes all the difference...

I apologize if I offended you with my comment, you did make it sound like women just wait to bite someone's head off?? And like people in life have no other option than to become brainless idiots after saying, 'Ay'... If you had deep interest in Spanish roses and obscure avantgard theatre before, I don't know how just finding someone who also adores your eyebrows and goes for trips with you or has a knack for reciting bad Irish poetry standing on the table could make your life so much worse??

(All examples above are hypothetical. I discovered a deep passion for English roses today though, woe me and my future husband if anyone gets dumb enough to marry me lol!!! I want a big garden!!)

 

[Kiwong]

I'm out of the woods as far as matrimonial bliss is concerned. 48. Marriage and singleness are not concepts I've thought of for nearly 20 years now.

In the days when I entertained the prospect, I was looking in all the wrong places, and at all the wrong women. If i'd finished up married I'm not sure it would've worked out.

I'm think I'm much more mature now, and I'm finding just making a few friends is enough. If I was to enter a relationship it would be for the right reason with the right person.

 

[Pookah]

Sometimes marriages lead to essentially rooming (and sexin) with your best/funnest friend. That is what I would like.

 

[PurpleOne]

I refuse to get married because I might get bored of seeing the same person's face over and over again.

 

[Feathers]

I refuse to get married because I might get bored of seeing the same person's face over and over again.

Yes, that is what I thought too!!

But then I discovered some interesting and fun people and hey - as long as there is some space, and you both do interesting and creative things, hmmm??

It depends how the face looks like too!! And they could also were a mask? Or you could even have separate bedrooms.. or live far apart.. or he works night shifts, you work day shifts, you basically never meet.. lots of different possibilities...

I'll probably never get married, the chances are against me, but, who knows?

 

[I_Lucas]

Alright, Feathers, I'll let you off the hook. Just exercise some discretion for God's sake!

As for the subject at hand, well, my brother just got a divorce last month. He and his wife were offically married three years (although it really ended long before that). I guess that's why I have been thinking about it a lot, even though I really shouldn't. I mean, I don't even date. So what am I so concerned about? That it might happen?

My mother (the old witch) has always told me that some woman is going to snag me one day. So you'll understand why my guard is up constantly. They can't get me if they can't see me....

That's insane, I know (then again, so is my mother). And don't get me started on dear old Dad (the old fool).

 

[Pookah]

If you don't want to get married you definitely shouldn't and should let any girlfriends know that first thing.

 

[Feathers]

lol Okay, that makes sense... Don't even start with my Mum and Dad...

I was told (by someone who also married late) that kids from parents who quarrelled a lot marry late or rarely/never... Makes sense...

Honestly from our family there are basically no particularly 'happy marriages' in close sight.. One uncle and aunt maybe, though I'm not sure I'd put up with what she does.. Maybe the neighbours... (maybe we don't know them so well...)

Some of my friends and a cousin do seem to be happily married though, so I think there's hope.. Some keep staying with the same guys even if one thinks what are they doing with them?? But apparently they do see something...

Divorces can be bad, yeah.. A relative and a guy locally got recently divorced too.. Some women are, gah... Well, some women can't appreciate a good guy, that's true... Also, often there are troubles in communication or in expectations etc.

To be 'snatched' by a woman lol.. I think they can't snatch you if you don't let'em to... (even if you become visible.. you can give'em the evil eye etc )

 

[Richey]

I think you can really modernize a relationship and or marriage these days. alot of what we base our opinions on is from noticing older generations and what they are like as a couple and the responsibilites, it seems very boring and often pointless but i think if i was to have a relationship and move into a house etc ..i would want it to be exciting and fun. we would have parties and cook meals for each other and i think it would be exciting ....i thnk the older generation can be very cliched but its a sign of the times they grew up in as well, they tended to put perception of success and expectations of humour and happiness, that's why so many older men and women are grumpy. ....

these days people are far more likely to change their mind and become bored in relationships, its just obvious. i do know a couple of people who are married and will probably stay together for along time.

i personally have been to a few weddings and i am not sure i could handle it. alot of people are oblivious and or naive to thinking too hard about things. I would just be way too nervous watching all the brides family sitting there looking at us. i would just feel horrible, i'd probably be thinking "they probably don't like me" ....

so the traditional wedding is something i would have to be 100% sure of, and i think it would depend alot on whether i had a bit of an acceptable acknowledgement on the brides family side. ...

i think traditional weddings are becoming increasingly unhip as well in certain circles

however its much easier if you meet someone you like where you can share a house with then it is doing it as an independent.

2-bedrrom flats are becoming more expensive to own or rent even now so if you wanted to live in a house where you can raise a family then you do need a partner who is willing to commit to that.

also remember that whether you like it or not females want a man who is a success and who they can have fun with. so you have to be fun and have some sort of decent income coming in otherwise. money is a huge importance no matter what anybody responds with here. even if you have a great time with someone it is more likely that they will leave you eventually for a more successful guy. i see it all the time. even though i disagree with it in the end money wins unless the female earns alot herself then she can decide to date anyone really. but i think it generally goes, love, security, fun, happiness dadada you get the pircture...

a girl you like has the option between you and another guy, you are an entry level and the other guy is a manager earning triple at the same age with stronger social status? who wins out most of the time? its fairly obvious. the difference in both yours and his personality is marginal but he may have a bit more flair.

so the key is to not really think too much about it all, realise that the best thing to do is to block it all out be happy being you and if you meet someone who likes you then "live in the now" ...who knows what will happen.