Guys, thank you for all the replies and supports, I really appreciate it! I didn't expect so many recent replies since almost no one replied in the past week.
I'm going to explain a little bit more about what exactly happened in the past 2 days, so you guys can get the full pictures.
Like I said, Sunday was fine, she called me, we talked for about 20 minutes, then we were out of topics so she hung up. Later I remembered that I forgot to tell her that even though I didn't go to church, I was still reading bible, so I selected a couple of verse that I really like and sent to her through email. Since she likes to share verse with me in the past, I thought she might be interested to see mine. And that was it for Sunday.
Monday, actually I think the beginning was alright. I wasn't planning to go to school because there isn't important class but I felt I miss her. So I decided to go to class just to see her. I went to class, and I saw her chatting with a guy friend. Apparently she was having a good time, she was laughing and talking. My seat is right behind her, so I walked straight toward her, I looked at her face because I want an eye contact then I can say "Hi" or "How are you doing" to her, but she didn't look at me at all. She totally ignored me and continued talking with that friend. And at that time, I really don't felt like say anything to her because that would made me look like I'm interrupting her conversation. Guys, what do you think? Was my thinking logical? When you passing someone you know, but that person kept talking to somebody else, would you still go up, interrupt them and say hi? I personally thought that would be kind of rude, so I just past her and sat on my seat.
That friend left her right before class start, and I didn't use that moment to approach her because the class is starting. We have two classes that afternoon, so I thought I have plenty of time to talk to her. After first class is over, she went to the restroom, in the mean while, I started a conversation with a girl sitting beside me, because she already took a class that I am going to take next, so she gave me a lot of tips and suggestions of how to do well in that class. When my "dream girl" came back from restroom, I was still listening to the girl beside me, so I didn't talk to her during the break.
After second class is over, students started to pack and leave. I didn't leave because I saw her pulled out a word document and started working on her paper. So I sat still and pretend I was also working on something, but I was actually waiting for everybody else to leave, then I can go up to her and say hi and something more intimate like "I kinda miss you, that's why I came to school." But there were 2 people didn't leave, and 1 of them just sitting right beside her. If I go approach her now, all I can say is something plain and normal because since she haven't decided her feelings for me, I don't think she wants other people to know that there is something between us. So I was hesitating between "go have a normal talk now" vs "wait to have a intimate talk" for 10 minutes, then I saw her started to pack up and ready to leave. Then I was like "oh crap, this is not good."
I was also a little disappointed at that moment, to be honest, because in the past, we always had a mutual silent agreement: whenever we felt like talking, we will just stay in the class after everybody else is gone, then I will approach her and talk about stuffs. We did this kind of things many times in the past, without letting each other know verbally ahead of time. She knew it and I knew it. I was hoping that day could be one of those day, but unfortunately I was wrong. So as her packing up, I fixed my gaze on her, waiting for an eye contact to say something. Of course I could just start saying something at that moment, but I was really looking for some kind of feedback, some kind of communing. But I was wrong again, I looked at her for 15 seconds, she didn't look at me even once, before she left, she said "see you" to the girl sitting beside her and just left, totally ignored me.
At that moment, I felt something is not right, but I wasn't sure, there were times things like this happened in the past, where she just left without saying anything. But still, I called her later trying to make sure everything is alright, but she didn't answer, and she didn't call back later. Then I know for sure, something is wrong. Because in the past, no matter what, she would always answer my call or call me back. this is the first time she just totally ignored it.
I was kinda worried but I thought it's no big deal, I will just go talk to her friendly tomorrow, pretend nothing is wrong.
So the next day, I went to school, I saw her sitting on the other side of the hallway. So I started to walking on that direction and prepared to start a conversation. But I saw one of my guy friend sitting in the middle of the hall, I don't felt like just passing him without saying anything, so I stopped and asked him how is he doing, and chit chat only for 30 seconds. As I turned my body and trying to walk toward her, i saw her started to run away. I mean it's definitely not that she didn't see me and left in a natural way. She was RUNNING AWAY, like holding bag in one hand, holding laptop with the other hand and just run upstairs to the second floor. I was like "WHAT THE FACK?"
I totally didn't expect that but I was sure that she was avoiding me. But i didn't give up, even though I felt kinda defeated at that moment, so I took several deep breath, gathered my guts and went up to the second floor. I was telling myself, I will just stay calm, smile nice and ask her politely how is she doing. But I couldn't find her, I looked into the classroom at where she usually sat, that seat was empty. then I turned my head, I saw her sitting on the other side of the room. We do have "fixed" seat, even though it's not assigned by the teacher, because we are in graduate school, and every class was taught in the same room, so basicly everybody already established their seat in the first day, and we have been sitting on the same seat for the past 2 years. And now she suddenly changed, apparently she was trying to avoid me because her original seat was right in front of me. And when I was confessing my feeling to her 2 weeks ago, I told her sometimes I love to stare at her from the back, at that time, she laughed and said, "it's ok." Well, apparently now it is not ok for her anymore. And the new seat she was sitting, was right beside the guy friend she was having a nice conversation with on Monday.
So, after I saw that, I felt kinda sad, all the strength, courage and the things I wanted to say to her, was shattered. I didn't go to that class because I think it will be little too much for me to bear at that moment. So I just went downstairs and waiting for the second class.
The second class was Case Study, where students were divided into several groups, each group will have a little room, where they can have individual discussion about specific patient case. Me and her are in the same group, so I know we will have to see each other face to face in that class, so I prepared myself, I thought when she came to the room, I will just say hi, and how are you without hesitation, and hopefully that will break the ice. But I was wrong again, she didn't show up on time, she waited and entered the room after the facilitator started to introducing the case, of course during that time nobody suppose to talk, so she cleverly dodged the opportunity for me to have a interaction with her. And when that class end, she grabbed her bag and rushed out even before the facilitator able to left. Great timing, all I can say. So it was crystal clear to me that she is avoiding me like avoiding an ugly snake. I guess you guys won't even understand how depressed I was at that moment. I mean seriously? We were still fine on Sunday, what could I possibly do to make her this upset?
I really don't know what to do at that moment, I talked to my friend and he told me just to give a few day off and let her make her move. I was like I can't wait, it is driving me crazy, I want to find out what's going on and if I really did something wrong, I want to apology as soon as possible, I don't want things to get worse. So, I spend 3 hours, gather my mind, and spend 7 hours wrote her a 4 page long email, which included what I think I made her upset, why I behave like that, I explained to her if she thought I was ignoring her then it is a misunderstanding because I really wasn't, I just didn't find a good chance to talk to her. I wrote how bad i felt in the past 48 hours and I asked her if I did anything wrong then please tell me, I would love to apologize and change my behavior, I told her I need her to work with me, we could solve this together.
I will show you guys the email.
you're definitely right. This girl changes her mind "like a girl changes clothes" lol And I've already suggested to kinghatred in my previous posts that there might not really be a chance for him 'cause this girl SERIOUSLY sucks at communicating. :