I have never had a girlfriend in my life

[rko74]

Ok there i said it, and im really embarassed.I'm 31, is there hope for me? Its not that im ugly or anything its just the social phobia me not overcoming it. Im trying to do something about it, im going to see a therapist this month and he told me to read "Dying of Embarassment".I wish i had more motivation.I think i have let it go on so long because im so comfortable living at home with my parents.

 

[Richey]

You just need to do it now. Really try and put your SA to one side and prepare to get egg on your face. Dating can be ugly but you will find that the more you do it the easier it will be to handle. Things never usually work out how we plan it.
Im 21 and girls approach me all the time. My conversational skills are my weak point. If i could figure out a way of expressing myself vocally! then my SA would be cured.

Good luck

 

[kiwi]

I'm 33 and have never had a girlfriend, so I got you beat in that department.

I did, however, leave home when I was 27. Ironically my SA was a big reason for me moving out! I used to hate it when we had visitors, which happened reasonably often. I would end up being stuck in my room and feeling like a prisoner in my own home. It was also hard getting out of social events which the whole family was invited to.

So I took the plunge and found myself a flat (on my own) and I haven't regretted it one bit. At first it was lonely but I soon got used to my own company and now I love it.

However it hasn't helped in the girlfriend department :-(. But like Steve says, if I ever do meet a girl at least I'll have somewhere to bring her back to....

 

[kiwi]

Actually, Kiwi raises a good point here which I missed. I agree, it got so hard to constantly try and say no to family get-togethers and people coming round etc. Plus I always felt riddiculed for being the guy who's still at home with his parents and took many a snide comment by some members of my extended family. At least now I have the security of being away from the family home so if they travel to see relatives and they ask where Steve is then my folks can say "Well Steve does his own thing now" and it avoids that awkwardness of "Well Steve didn't want to come". It was hard on my parents to cover for me every time.

Exactly. I think we're living parallel lives on opposite sides of the planet

Speaking of parents finding it hard, my parents must find it hard when all their friends and relatives are already grandparents and they're not. I feel like I've let my parents down in that department (I'm the oldest in the family). I know they would love to be grandparents and it must kill them to see it happen for everyone else but not them.

I can just imagine them getting quizzed at family functions ("When is Chris going to find himself a girl and get married?"). Just as well I'm not there!

 

[Horatio]

Actually, Kiwi raises a good point here which I missed. I agree, it got so hard to constantly try and say no to family get-togethers and people coming round etc. Plus I always felt riddiculed for being the guy who's still at home with his parents and took many a snide comment by some members of my extended family. At least now I have the security of being away from the family home so if they travel to see relatives and they ask where Steve is then my folks can say "Well Steve does his own thing now" and it avoids that awkwardness of "Well Steve didn't want to come". It was hard on my parents to cover for me every time.

Exactly. I think we're living parallel lives on opposite sides of the planet

Speaking of parents finding it hard, my parents must find it hard when all their friends and relatives are already grandparents and they're not. I feel like I've let my parents down in that department (I'm the oldest in the family). I know they would love to be grandparents and it must kill them to see it happen for everyone else but not them.

I can just imagine them getting quizzed at family functions ("When is Chris going to find himself a girl and get married?"). Just as well I'm not there!

same boat here pal, eldest in the family and not a chance in hell of grandchildren coming from this direction

Im lucky though that Im so ugly that noone in my extended family expects me to find a girl and so I have no pressure put on me at family occasions

I know my parents wish that I could find love and happiness and wish they could have grandchildren but oh well, their next son is only a few years away from all of that

 

[arachnid]

Hi Rko

Ok there i said it, and im really embarassed.I'm 31, is there hope for me? Its not that im ugly or anything its just the social phobia me not overcoming it. Im trying to do something about it, im going to see a therapist this month and he told me to read "Dying of Embarassment".I wish i had more motivation.I think i have let it go on so long because im so comfortable living at home with my parents.

Rko,

This is very common, and yes you have lots of hope! The new world you are about to encounter will be filled with so much joy, you just can't believe/ I also recommend: "Without Embarresment". It is a great resource that is specifically about this issue. It talks about reasons for shame and anxiety with women, and how to break the cycle.

 

[ColdFury]

Without Embarrassment: The Social Coward's Totally Fearless Seduction System

:roll:

 

[just-jonny]

Hey rko74,

Sometimes the only way to get out of a rut is to tackle it head on. Sounds corny I know. and to answer your question about “is there hope for you” well of cause there is because you already started making progress by making an appointment to see a therapist. Well done.

 

[arachnid]

Cold Fury,
Wow, that was constructive....you are a great contributor, thanks!

 

[veryshy]

rko74 I feel for ya. Im 24 and feel like Im rapidly approaching your situation I moved out of moms house at 22, but only to move in with my brother, so its still like Im living off someone else. Im so poor I could never afford my own life.

As for the womenz deal, I have no clue dude. Ive tried internet dating services, crying my eyes out, talking to god, wishing I was never born, looking down the barrel of a gun, hell I even tried asking some girls out.

I think Im beginning to become "militantly single". Im almost pissed off about it now. THE HELL WITH IT!!! :x Stupid bitches, I dont want nothing to do with you either you shallow fucking idiots!!!!! Just leave me the fuck ALONE! like you have been........

SCREW THEM ALL, EVERYBODY!

 

[veryshy]

I HATE EVERYBODY

in this shitty fucking world! YOU ALL CAN GO TO HELL AND EAT SHIT while sipping your super double latte cappochino CRAP!

When you see the low life motherfucker on a street corner, living in rags, pushing a shopping cart THINK OF ME. Think of your BULLSHIT rules and regulations for everything. Think of the cost of living. Think about those of us who are left in the dust. Be thankful we arent mean-spirited violent people :x

 

[still-in-my-shell]

Yikes...

Well I just wanted to say not to give up on us girls! My boyfriend never had a girlfriend before me and he was 25 and living with his parents. (and he didn't even have SA as an excuse!!) Alot of guys (and girls) are in this situation so don't be embarassed. Besides, I'd rather date someone who was older and never dated than someone who didn't take relationships seriously and had slept with lots of girls.

Oh yeah, and in this day and age it would make a girl feel "safer" if the guy they were dating hadn't slept around. (you know, STD's and all). Just be persisent and put yourself out there. Alot of girls are jerks, but not all.

 

[ColdFury]

Cold Fury,
Wow, that was constructive....you are a great contributor, thanks!

Whatever, you can put it in the same place as the "seduction guide".

 

[Falcon]

Wow I thought I was the only one. I am 27 and have never had a girlfriend or been on a date. It is so relieving to hear you guys talking about things that I have often thought about, like feeling like I am letting down my parents. Until a year or two ago, I didnt even want a girlfriend or friends (which I dont have either), but recently I have started thinking I might like some companionship. But now I am completely lost, as to how to meet people, how to start a converstaion, or even what people do on a date? Needless to say I have never been dancing or kissed a girl or anything, LOL. I can see all of that being big hurdles. I actually wish I didnt feel the need for friends or a girlfriend, like a few years ago. I dunno why I have changed. Well Its more than a month since your post so lets hope you have had some luck in your goals, whatever they may be

 

[Frozen_tears]

Im 15, so at the moment it doesnt matter that I've never had a boyfriend...but I know that eventually it will get to the point where I will be the only one and then I will feel like even more of a freak than I do now...

 

[AnthonyJ31]

Ok there i said it, and im really embarassed.I'm 31, is there hope for me? Its not that im ugly or anything its just the social phobia me not overcoming it. Im trying to do something about it, im going to see a therapist this month and he told me to read "Dying of Embarassment".I wish i had more motivation.I think i have let it go on so long because im so comfortable living at home with my parents.

Wow! You just described me my friend. You just described me to a t. I am currently 31 years old and I still live with my parents, and I have never had a girlfriend either. I have been struggling with Social Anxiety Disorder along with alot of depression and loneliness for years now. As I write this, I am currently in a very bad frame of mind. It seems as if the depression has worsened ALOT over the past few months - alot of it has to do with the holidays and seeing people around me so happy - and I feel like I am reaching the breaking point. I feel really really helpless and really really ashamed and disgusted with myself. I honestly wish that I could be someone else.

I am glad that I registered with this site and it's helpful to read other people who are going through the same things as I am. However, I feel like I am reaching a point with my depression that is scaring me. I keep having persistent fantasies and thoughts of ending my life and checking out of this world. I drove around in the car earlier today going absolutely nowhere - just driving around town, and I was literally crying as I was driving. I was going over in my head how bad things are and how so damn lonely I feel, and I couldn't stop crying. It's been a bad, bad time and I am tired, tired, tired of this condition and of all the things that go along with it: depression, loneliness, shame, missed opportunities, tons of regrets, e.t.c.....

I look around and I see guys and girls who are 18,19 years old who are outgoing, happy, who are dating and having relationships, and I get really sad. I never did any of that. I realize that because of this SA and because of all of the depression and the self-esteem issues that I have blown a large portion of my life; I virtually wasted my youth because of SA. And you know what? It really hurts! I will never know what it was like to date as a teenager, to kiss as a teenager, to have sex as a teenager because I was too busy being afraid. Damn guys, this really really hurts. I don't know what to do. It's hard to press on and to continue on with life when you feel like there is no way out or no better way. I'm not sure what is worse: the social anxiety disorder itself, or the god-awful depression and loneliness that results from the SA.......Not to mention the serious blows to a persons self-esteem and self-concept.

 

[scatmantom]

same here. Im 20 and i dont see it changing anytime soon. I am just too shy.

 

[Septor]

A girlfriend never.Alot just see my as the loner lose type. It will hurt the older i get but then life sucks.

 

[Ashiene]

Ok there i said it, and im really embarassed.I'm 31, is there hope for me? Its not that im ugly or anything its just the social phobia me not overcoming it. Im trying to do something about it, im going to see a therapist this month and he told me to read "Dying of Embarassment".I wish i had more motivation.I think i have let it go on so long because im so comfortable living at home with my parents.

Wow! You just described me my friend. You just described me to a t. I am currently 31 years old and I still live with my parents, and I have never had a girlfriend either. I have been struggling with Social Anxiety Disorder along with alot of depression and loneliness for years now. As I write this, I am currently in a very bad frame of mind. It seems as if the depression has worsened ALOT over the past few months - alot of it has to do with the holidays and seeing people around me so happy - and I feel like I am reaching the breaking point. I feel really really helpless and really really ashamed and disgusted with myself. I honestly wish that I could be someone else.

I am glad that I registered with this site and it's helpful to read other people who are going through the same things as I am. However, I feel like I am reaching a point with my depression that is scaring me. I keep having persistent fantasies and thoughts of ending my life and checking out of this world. I drove around in the car earlier today going absolutely nowhere - just driving around town, and I was literally crying as I was driving. I was going over in my head how bad things are and how so damn lonely I feel, and I couldn't stop crying. It's been a bad, bad time and I am tired, tired, tired of this condition and of all the things that go along with it: depression, loneliness, shame, missed opportunities, tons of regrets, e.t.c.....

I look around and I see guys and girls who are 18,19 years old who are outgoing, happy, who are dating and having relationships, and I get really sad. I never did any of that. I realize that because of this SA and because of all of the depression and the self-esteem issues that I have blown a large portion of my life; I virtually wasted my youth because of SA. And you know what? It really hurts! I will never know what it was like to date as a teenager, to kiss as a teenager, to have sex as a teenager because I was too busy being afraid. Damn guys, this really really hurts. I don't know what to do. It's hard to press on and to continue on with life when you feel like there is no way out or no better way. I'm not sure what is worse: the social anxiety disorder itself, or the god-awful depression and loneliness that results from the SA.......Not to mention the serious blows to a persons self-esteem and self-concept.

I almost cried while reading your post. I am 16 and SA started just 3 years ago. before that i was just shy..but three quarters of my class are dating and i am not..i just feel so out of place..i have friends who are girls who care for me and walk home with me and go lunch with me..but i am SO DAMN AFRAID TO ASK THEM OUT ON A DATE. god help me omg...

 

[Peacefinder]

Hi Guys,

I think you need to take a risk once in a while. Don't let this thing beat you. So what if you ask someone out and they say no.....its not the end of the world. You move on to the next person you like. Eventually someone will say yes.

I had SA when I met my husband and he saw me blush quite a few times before I confessed about it and he just thought i was shy, not a wierdo. I think sometimes we imagine so much more worse things that people are thinking of us, and in reality its not a big deal to others.

We all have regrets with SA but if you say okay as of today the past is in the past and I might fall and stumble and embarass myself but oh well.

If you know of someone you want to ask out. Do it today! They might say yes, you know. its a 50- 50 chance.

I would say you have enough problems of your own, don't stress about your parents and grandchildren that will come in due time.

Don't waste today, go for it. I am sure you are not ugly guys. Just don't look like you just woke up, fix yourself up a bit and just go for it.

Don't worry we have SA but others are dealing with their own issues, no one has it together, no matter what you think.

Wish you all well.