I have an extreme fear

[Falkor]

Hello ppl,

I just delayed school today. I didn't sleep until 4 AM so I decided to write my parents a note that they shouldn't wake me. In the morning at 10:45 I came downstairs and my mom was really bothered by it. She said to me, Why didn't you do? This is your future! You could lose school like this! You shouldn't be such a pussy and just go to school. That's what her words stood for. So, now I'm really upset of losing school. I have ''avoidance behaviour'' pretty much all the time. I hate my own behaviour but It's so hard to change when I can't be able to put my fears aside. I'm terrified each day and it's getting so SEVERE. I have extreme social phobia for school.

I know it's my future, it's the most important thing for me, because i'm twenty and I hate it if I wouldn't have a diploma, I could cry over it all time, I wish for it so hard... But the world is so hard with SA!

How should I deal with this, I'm in a rough hectic situation, I cried the night away.. But I know, I need to be there EVERYDAY. Just stick with it like everybody else does. That's the strict rule.

So, what should I do to change my thinking of school, I mean, i'm terrified of the classroom, the canteen, the internships that I have to face ppl and give a good impression, the exam, fear of failure....

This is just ridiculous. ::

ANyways, I will go again to school tomorrow... Though I know my teacher will prob say ''You again, delayed school and you shouldn't do that, because it's the rule to be here''.

Help.

 

[Gaucho]

hello,

i know how you feel.i can't give you a good advice, because i am/was in a similar situation.
school /university is very important, but there is no point to suffer each day while going there, that price too high. i read in other posts of yours that you are in therapy, maybe you should get deeper in the university aspect, and if you can't see any results, change your therapist. in my eyes there is only point to continue if you are able to change and think you can change, otherwise its an endless suffer, and maybe you get your degree, but you are completely hurt.

 

[Boby]

I wish there was a good advice or a easy way to cure those fears but the truth is the only way to cure a fear is by getting exposed to it.I know it's hard,I have my own fears,but you must push yourself in those uncomfortable situations.It's the only way and it will almost surely work,at least for me it worked but I admit is damn hard to face my fears and get over them.

 

[Lea]

I wish there was a good advice or a easy way to cure those fears but the truth is the only way to cure a fear is by getting exposed to it.I know it's hard,I have my own fears,but you must push yourself in those uncomfortable situations.It's the only way and it will almost surely work,at least for me it worked but I admit is damn hard to face my fears and get over them.

Well I suffered enormous fear at school, but although I went every day (in fact had the least missed days of all), the fear didn´t diminish. I even considered suicide a few times because I couldn´t take it anymore. And there is nothing you can do about it, because the fear is completely irrational.

But everybody is different, for some maybe it will work, it didn´t for me. But as there is nothing else to do, I would recommend sticking to it..

 

[dyingtolive]

its ok..

half of my absents were fake.. even at work, 3/4ths of my absences are fake. fake meaning you'er not physically sick, but you just dont feel ok.. ur mother will always say that... but just bounce back tomorrow. a few absences are not the end of the world, just use the rest and the day to relieve any stress so that ur fresh and stronger tomorrow..

 

[Srijita52]

I really really know how you feel, I'm going through the exact thing and its one of my biggest problems. I don't know what to say but I agree with Boby the only way is to expose yourself to your fears. But you don't have to go from 0 to 100% maybe you can try to face them slowly, it'll take time though. I wish I could help more but I don't know what to do myself. Hang in there.

 

[Boby]

Well I suffered enormous fear at school, but although I went every day (in fact had the least missed days of all), the fear didn´t diminish. I even considered suicide a few times because I couldn´t take it anymore. And there is nothing you can do about it, because the fear is completely irrational.

But everybody is different, for some maybe it will work, it didn´t for me. But as there is nothing else to do, I would recommend sticking to it..

Maybe because you were not scared of going to school but the things that might happen at school,like social interaction,situation etc.Going to school and sitting in your desk wasn't the thing that scared you,talking to people,going to the canteen and stuff like that might have been the things that scared you,those were your actual fears.So the question would be how many times have you tried to face those fears?
I'm making assumption about what you did so I might be terrible wrong.

 

[Phoenixx]

Sorry to hear you're having such a hard time, Saskia. I really don't know what advice to give you other than hang in there and stick it out the best you can. :/ As much as I was teased and somewhat hated school, I didn't fear it as much overall (so I can't exactly relate), and that's only because I had one or two things to look forward to every day.

Is there a counselor at your school that can help you through the day? Or at least talk to every once in a while?

If you do miss school occasionally, you shouldn't beat yourself up over it. As long as you don't miss too much. Plus, you've made it so far already Saskia, that is something you should be very proud of.

 

[Lea]

Maybe because you were not scared of going to school but the things that might happen at school,like social interaction,situation etc.Going to school and sitting in your desk wasn't the thing that scared you,talking to people,going to the canteen and stuff like that might have been the things that scared you,those were your actual fears.So the question would be how many times have you tried to face those fears?
I'm making assumption about what you did so I might be terrible wrong.

ALL THE TIME! The assumption is that we are lazy but that´s a completely distorted view. It´s not how it works. I think I wrote about my issues not so long ago where I summed it up.. can you imagine a bunch or girls or boys and girls, joking and giggling, having fun and you´re sitting among them, being completely stiff and tense, quiet, not knowing what to do, how to interact, as it DOESN´T COME TO YOU NATURALLY. And at the same time you feel crippling, irrational fear. Almost derealization to a point. It is so irrational as if someting came over you, a huge magnet or something which makes you act completely irationally. I was realizing clearly already back at school, that I am very different.. I felt retarded, stupid. But there was nobody so speak about it at that time, I was completely alone with the issue. I thought it was all my fault. I thought I was just very shy and was asking myself WHY. Why me, why only me, why not any other girls? They went out always in packs, me alone. It didn´t come to me naturally. I could go on and on.. what do you mean with "face the fears"? How am I on earth suppose to "face" them? I had them in my face pretty much all the time. I was pushing myself, trying to "appear normal", but to say it shortly it is a nonsense. Because to be normal, it has to come naturaly to you. What BS is it having to PUSH YOURSELF INTO APPEARING NORMAL?? And I did talk to the girls a bit, but only those who talked to me normally. Which not many did, the majority was just trying to humiliate me, seing I was weird. But they never talked to me as equal.

 

[Falkor]

its ok..

half of my absents were fake.. even at work, 3/4ths of my absences are fake. fake meaning you'er not physically sick, but you just dont feel ok.. ur mother will always say that... but just bounce back tomorrow. a few absences are not the end of the world, just use the rest and the day to relieve any stress so that ur fresh and stronger tomorrow..

Yeah, so the same here.. I never been sick this entire year. Though I've been delaying school often. It's not good what I'm doing. I realize this eveyrtime when I do it. The stupid thing is, is that I keep on avoiding school, though not every week it's like this. But i'm so afraid that my teacher will tell me tomorrow that he's worried or saying that I won't make it, I'm scared. I will just try to be positive and try to act like i'm ready for school like I never been before. I hope I can do that. I'm sick of my own attitude, I wanna throw that SA in the garbage. I will bounce back tomorrow and will try to let go of the scared vibe. Thanks Dyingtolive, it's good to know that I'm not alone, though it's a behaviour that is dangerous, I'm sure of that now. And should realize myself every single day. ::

 

[Falkor]

Sorry to hear you're having such a hard time, Saskia. I really don't know what advice to give you other than hang in there and stick it out the best you can. :/ As much as I was teased and somewhat hated school, I didn't fear it as much overall (so I can't exactly relate), and that's only because I had one or two things to look forward to every day.

Is there a counselor at your school that can help you through the day? Or at least talk to every once in a while?

If you do miss school occasionally, you shouldn't beat yourself up over it. As long as you don't miss too much. Plus, you've made it so far already Saskia, that is something you should be very proud of.

Phoenixx,

It's sweet that you remember my name ::. It's okay, it's hard to give advice since the only method would be ''Just go, or just do it'' in the past I hated this phrase but now it actually makes sense. If you don't do it, you get nowhere and you're life is fed up with boredom and no action and the fear will raise even to a higher level. So I won't let that happen again. Though I still have this crapped up behaviour that I'm so tired of. I just keep on doing that and I should really give myself a kick in the but for it.

My therapy just ended, had a 1 year contract base, but she will refer me to a new therapist, a CBT therapist, I hope she can help me more or he, since it's a therapist in the ''anxiety mental department and depression'' so that's awesome.

So I will have soon. Though I can always call my old therapist, in heavy situations, I called her today too, and she mostly calms me down, because she's very relaxed. Though it's not the miracle, but talking to her actually helps to release it. And it mostly helps because she is not a judgemental person, most people are in my invironment that I should not do this and that bla bla, or should not be so upset, but she totally gets it, and she says, whatever you behave, it's you, and that's a part of you. Damn, I wish every pesron was like that! XD

But, back to the point, yep I do. The only thing I need to change now, is to go to school EVERY single day of my life. well, not the weekends . hehe

 

[fishface19]

I can totally relate to this, this happened to me last term in Uni. I got burnt last term from skipping almost 3/4 of my Stat lectures. Now my GPA is suffering because of it and because I'm in a co-operative education type program, I am having a really really hard time now looking for a job. I really hope this doesn't happen to you, the aftermath is pretty crappy to deal with.

The thing I found hardest is just to go to that first lecture, or just to go to even one, but once you go to one you start to build momentum and it only gets easier after that. But also, I found that once you skip one, it only gets easier after that as well...

Well that's my two cents.. I hope it works out for you

 

[Srijita52]

I can totally relate to this, this happened to me last term in Uni. I got burnt last term from skipping almost 3/4 of my Stat lectures. Now my GPA is suffering because of it and because I'm in a co-operative education type program, I am having a really really hard time now looking for a job. I really hope this doesn't happen to you, the aftermath is pretty crappy to deal with.

The thing I found hardest is just to go to that first lecture, or just to go to even one, but once you go to one you start to build momentum and it only gets easier after that. But also, I found that once you skip one, it only gets easier after that as well...

Well that's my two cents.. I hope it works out for you

I agree with this, I should try harder too.

 

[Boby]

can you imagine a bunch or girls or boys and girls, joking and giggling, having fun and you´re sitting among them, being completely stiff and tense, quiet, not knowing what to do, how to interact, as it DOESN´T COME TO YOU NATURALLY.

No I don't need to imagine that because I actually experienced similar situations,but what I have to say is that almost nothing comes naturally,almost everything is learned.It's true that there are people who pick it up faster than the others but nonetheless almost everything must be learned at some point.
So what I meant by facing your fears is not to pretend your normal but to learn,to train your brain,to show your mind that this is an irrational fear.

 

[dyingtolive]

its great u keep trying to stay positive, Saskia,
When i was in school what helped me was having other things to do and think about to keep my mind off the anxiety. Like on the trip to school, i would listen to ebooks, or before going to school id be working out to relax also my mood. But of course, there will still be those days and they happen to the best of us..

after i graduated and i got my first job, i joined in a small company we are only about less than 15 and i feel comfortable. so alot of daily social anxiety went away. school is really tough but you just gotta get through it and then it can become easier if u choose a job that makes u feel comfortable, so it wont be forever that u'll go through the daily anxiety it will end too, just gotta hang in there

 

[dyingtolive]

Looking back when i was in college, i notice that if i am completely a stranger dont know anyone, then i am extremely anxious. If i know a couple of people or have 1 friend there who im comfortable with, then all of a sudden, i feel very comfortable. Its either im lucky or unlucky. But not knowing anyone or not having friends i guess can be very difficult for anyone and being completely alone. I feel the same way outside the classroom but anywhere in life. if i am w/ someone i am comfortable with, i feel like alot of my SA can go away. Is it the same for you guys?

 

[Hoppy]

I don't know how the setup works at your school/college, but if you can talk to the teachers or counsellor, if there is one, and get yourself a safe space in the school.

A schedule of where the empty classrooms are or a quiet office where you can go and relax if you feel overwhelmed.

I'm sure they will be supportive if you ask for that, it can only be better than hiding away in a closet somewhere or staying at home.

 

[Lea]

So what I meant by facing your fears is not to pretend your normal but to learn,to train your brain,to show your mind that this is an irrational fear.

That´s what I´m doing all the time, because I don´t have any other choice, logically. It´s the same as if you´re dropped in the midst of a foreign country and HAVE to speak the language - so you learn because you have no choice. (Given you have at least basic knowledge already). But language is something I can learn. Speaking on the phone I can learn. But there are simply things which you can´t LEARN, if you have aspergers - it would mean curing it which I haven´t seen happen yet. When on earth people will understand this.

 

[Daniel089]

Falkor, you and I are actually a lot in common, tho I'm a dude I also got stressed when I started at school (elementary and high school). But eventually I got used to it. I started not to care how much of a big failure I am, because I just forgot the people around me and minded my own business. Though this resulted in having 0 friends today, and the tormenting desire to be an active part among a group of people and to talk to girls which is one of my greatest fear.
Anyway it can't be that hard for you when you got at least one true friend in your life, to help you.
If there is one specific way that I can help you here it is: I'm having a hard time studying, because something always distracts my attention, daydream, dying in loneliness, desire for an identity that I don't have, depression etc. So I remembered a herbal medicine my math teacher told me about 5 years ago It is called "Rhodiola Rhosea" or golden root which is a kind of medicine that boosts your physical and mental performance. It's definately not a drug or something like that. They all say you will reach noticeable progress in 2 weeks (1 pill/day) It's also a great antidepressant, it kills stress. I'm buying it tomorrow because I have like 6 exams in the following month :S
I really hope I did write the previous sentences in the right topic...
Just hold on at school, and don't be afraid!

 

[Falkor]

its great u keep trying to stay positive, Saskia,
When i was in school what helped me was having other things to do and think about to keep my mind off the anxiety. Like on the trip to school, i would listen to ebooks, or before going to school id be working out to relax also my mood. But of course, there will still be those days and they happen to the best of us..

after i graduated and i got my first job, i joined in a small company we are only about less than 15 and i feel comfortable. so alot of daily social anxiety went away. school is really tough but you just gotta get through it and then it can become easier if u choose a job that makes u feel comfortable, so it wont be forever that u'll go through the daily anxiety it will end too, just gotta hang in there

Thanks dyingtolive. I try to yes. It's great that you listen to E-books in the morning, that must be relaxing. I woke up 15 minutes before I had to step on my bike, so I was in a hurry today. Those sorta mornings i have a lot of times, because I don't hear my alarm, greatly i always wake up before I have to leave, but mostly i stay in bed and when I get out I have to run. Eat fast, dress up fast, congratulate my mom , at least I packed my stuff last night...
It's really bothering me .I just need a lot of sleep, and a lot of peace in the morning.


Working out is a wonderful idea. I need to wake up earlier for that though, and I think that would solve a lot of probz. That i have more time to stretch out in the mornings and drink a bunch of green tea.

It's wonderful that you have a small company, that must be very very relaxing. :: I hope I will have that too in the future, it's great to look out for. ::

Thanks again