So after a good long walk, a river of tears, a few good fist-fukks to walls/trees/posts, a 6-pack, a very beautiful argument with a family member and some good thinking I can say that, I don't feel any better.
I guess it is inevitable for some social outcast who posts on a forum community to end up expressing this way towards it and let everyone know these negative inner-feelings. In the short time that I have been here, I've seen it, at least once. Because of this, the proper thing to do would be to apologize for being such a fukking drama queen.
This is no suicide note either because if I decide to go towards that direction, I think this place will be the last one to know about it. I am just being expressive (yeah on the internet YEAHH..fun!).
You will see me a lot less often from now on because that is just how I am. When I fail to be positive (specially with myself) and have a good self-image, I tend to disappear from that environment. I might lurk for a bit longer then ask for an account cancellation if possible, or something like that.
I am done with this girl situation, I am nothing and nobody without a sexual partner. I am a very passionate person in a very sexual way and without that, I can't go on. This might sound sick to you, but it is how it is. You either accept me or you don't. Either way, it does not matter. I am not complete. It has been too long and I am done trying/waiting.
Thanks to agoraphobickatie for the nice words. If you knew how I felt at the moment, then you would know how meaningless is anything outside my brain.
Cheers to all and never forget to be yourself.