I am so miserabe and lost all hope

[Meggy0001]

Sorry its a bit long but please read, I really need some advice.

Just moved to university, been here for a week and I am so lonely. No friends, no family no one to even just say hi to. I have not said more than 20 words since been here.. I hate my course, I picked such a social course where its team work, you have to be friends with everyone and blah and I am so unhappy. I can’t quit my parents are so proud that I got into uni but I HATE IT. I got so sick of not speaking that one night I had a whole bottle of vodka and lost it and was shouting at everyone and crying god it was embarrassing. Still that didn't help the next morning I was me again. I felt like I was myself even though I was an emotional wreck, I have to admit I have been drinking quite a lot, not vodka though too nervous about going to buy some on my own, its not working tho but makes me feel better. I am scared I will or am becoming alcohol dependent

I live with 12 girls and they get so well, I am just that freaky girl who never lives her room. I went out with them the first few days for fresher’s but just stood around nervous, alcohol didn't help much with speaking it made me a tiny bit more comfortable that's why I drank too much vodka because I thought alcohol had no effect on me. I am so miserable right now. I have stopped eating, I have not eaten much for days I just can’t get anything down and also I am out of food anyway tried to go to the supermarket on my own and got lost in a dark street and was terrified so yeah I have no food. I have been crying pretty much every day. I thought I was getting better but I have gone right back down I am panicky again, I am getting very hot and sweaty when anyone speaks to me. I have started shaking again, I have started throwing up when having to talk in large groups, I am having more suicidal thoughts. I really don't know what to do? :crying: before it was okay because I knew I was living where I was and getting another chance at uni but now I just don't see any hope I am so depressed and sad I never live my room. I don't even know how to make any friends I don't even know how to have a conversation :sad: Any advice? I am scared I am going to do something stupid. I just want to go home where at least I had my family to talk to.

Everyone hated me before they even knew much about me. People just never come up to me or try and say hi. What is so wrong with me? Why can’t I just be normal  I am not looking for a million friends, one will be nice or someone to just ask how I am sometimes.

 

[kihira]

Can you changes courses at this stage?

 

[Meggy0001]

Can you changes courses at this stage?

I could but I don't like any other courses. The course is good but near impossible to enjoy on your own, your grades pretty much depend on everyone else and participating.

 

[DeadmanWalking]

^If college rules are the same throughout, then, yeah, she should. She might get a "W" for withdrawal, but, if she truly can't handle it, then there's nothing more to be done. She could probably sign up for a different class if there are any open seats left. Though, if she's on loans, withdrawing from a class will reduce the number of hours she has and some loans require you to have a certain numbers of hours.

Other than that, you may want to talk to your parents about these feelings. If only because you need help living there. They need to know your situation. And, if your campus has it, go to a counselor or therapist and consult with them about your feelings.

And, as for people not coming up to you, well, we're "unknown entities". Since we keep to ourselves, no one knows anything about us, so people are on edge/scared/nervous about talking to us because they don't know how we'll react. Plus they may just think you arrogant because you won't talk to them, so they "return the favor". If you want people to approach you, you have to give signs that you're approachable and that you want to interact with them and get to know them.

 

[kihira]

Is there anyone in the group who is more approachable than the others? Making one friendship would be less daunting than trying to get on with twelve.

Does the uni have a councelling service? It can feel good to have someone (real) to talk to, the would have experience with people experiencing similar anxieties.

 

[TreeBones]

I'm sorry to hear that, Meggy. The best advice I can give you is to try your best to be upbeat and friendly. I know it's difficult when you don't feel that way inside, but when you put out a positive energy, you are going to achieve better results. I started a college course a few weeks ago, and I'm finding it really difficult to overcome my SA, but in spite of how I'm feeling, I refuse to let it get the better of me. And that's the mindset you have got to have as well. Don't let your SA get the better of you, refuse to let it control your life, and don't let anyone else make you feel like they are better than you.

I agree with hennyfink, you should try to create a more positive energy and not let SA run your life. I completely understand what you're going through, not even 2 weeks ago I started a new school, I was so nervous and scared I drank about 8 shots of vodka, thinking that the last one I had wasn't enough, I ended up going to school drunk(I don't know why I did, I guess I thought I'd get in more trouble if I didn't go) And it was SO SO SO embarrassing, I was acting all weird and was a bit rude to this one girl. I ended up passing out and waking in up in tears having to be picked up early. I was having suicidal thoughts too and thinking "I can never come back from that, that was so embarrassing and I am just a weirdo and a waste of life." But I mustered up some courage and positivity, I then apologized to everyone and asked my teacher if I can take a morning class, things are way better now. Also a few years ago when I was at another new school, I felt hopeless because I didn't have any friends, and all the girls were friends with each other. I didn't talk to anyone for about a half a year, but then all of the sudden I was friends with everyone there, just starting from a simple conversation. So you never know, have some faith, okay? Feel better!

 

[LazyHermitCrab]

It doesn't seem like you're thinking clearly do what's best for you. This situation could affect your grades badly...

 

[Hoppy]

^^ This.

You are stressed, you are in a new environment and you are not thinking right. The school should have some counselling services, go and see someone.

Please do not mess up your entire course and career just now.

And talk to the people you are staying with. You don't have to talk to all of them at the same time but invite one into your room.

I made some of the same mistakes.

 

[jaim38]

I was in the same situation as you many years ago. After I graduated high school, I went to another city for college. I felt homesick and depressed. I had almost no friends, no family there, and for rides, I always had to ask somebody to drive me to places. I didn't fit in at all. My dormmates think I'm a loner and avoided me, as did my classmates. I eventually transferred to another school in another city but suffered the same results.

If I could do it all over again, I would stay home for college. What the f*** was I thinking moving to another city for college, especially for undergraduate education? I was being stupid and naive! I should have saved my family some money (and student loans) by commutting to a nearby college (cheaper). Plus I get to save on expensive dorm costs and won't be homesick anymore. Now I am back home and attending a local college. I had to reapply and start over again.

If, after 1 year at the college, you still can't fit in and still feel miserable, I highly recommend considering moving back home and taking some time off to explore your options. Explore the colleges near home, compare costs, ask yourself if you want to shelve off 10,000 pounds a year to live in a fancy dorm or stay at your parents' home rent free. Maybe get a job to pay for school.

 

[spider04]

Everything at uni has to do with team work nowadays, you can't escape that:sad: I haven't had any actual conversation with anyone in my class and we need to start making groups soon for programming, I know how that feels.
When I moved I was feeling lonely and depressed too but this is a chance for you to get stronger, don't quit.
Don't stay in your room all the time, you can sometimes go out for a walk, that helps me get my mind off some things and relax.

 

[Biev]

Your safety and well-being come before everything else, Meggy.

The first thing you need to do is go get food.

Then you need to let your parents know how miserable you are feeling. I guarantee you they would rather find out about it this way than by finding you dead at the end of semester. Wasted money is a trivial matter in comparison.

Then you need to make an appointment to your school's mental health clinic. If you're put on a waiting list, go to a regular clinic in the meantime (even if they tell you that they'll get back to you "soon").

Then it would be a good idea to speak to a school advisor to find a way to get you away from the more triggering aspects of your current situation without completely dropping out. You might even be able to transfer to a college closer to your home as early as next semester. That said, I really feel that I should emphasize that :

1) Failing classes is not the end of the world. It's better follow withdrawal procedures if you can, but you can live with a few Fs. A vast majority of people do.

2) Dropping out of school will set you back, but it won't ruin your life. I bet many people here have dropped out of school and then gone back (myself included).

3) None of these things are worth ending your life over.

Disappointing your parents is inevitable, and dwelling on it won't change anything. The important thing to keep in mind is that parents want to know when their children are in trouble. Even if they get upset, they would still rather be told. It will not ruin your relationship with them.

I work for a school newspaper, and here is an article that was written recently by one of our former students who dropped out due to depression : The McGill Daily » Be your own advocate

This is our most read article, which leads me to believe that a lot of people experience situations similar to yours.

 

[scattereddays]

I hate to say it, but I have been in a somewhat similar situation to yours. Often when we are depressed, we tend to neglect our health and well-being, which in turn makes us even more depressed, and it becomes a vicious cycle.

My advice would be to make an extra effort to take care of yourself; eat properly, get sufficient amounts of sleep, stay away from alcohol. It might not seem like much, but even taking small steps can prevent the downwards spiral into despair.

Even if it seems that no one cares about you, you can still care for yourself. Do not let others dictate your happiness, instead find your own happiness. Use the opportunity to explore the new area and find things that interest you Try the local restaurants, take photographs of new places, get some fresh air.

From personal experience, when you are depressed everything goes badly and you will always see things in a negative light. However, when you are happy everything runs smoothly all of a sudden, and relationships and friendships will occur naturally. It is still to early to assume that all these girls hate you, they barely know you so any hatred towards you is unfounded.

Good luck with everything, keep us updated on how things go. Most of all, do NOT lose hope

 

[HydroFlood]

Hi Meggy. The saying goes that you make all your friends in the first term of University and spend the rest of your time there trying to get rid of them.

In other words it doesn't matter if you're not too friendly with the people you live with, that's fine and even normal. You'll meet people and you'll make friends

 

[Fighter86]

I see you have received much valuable advise, I just wanted to say your not alone, I was in the same position as you when I was in school. In case your wondering, I did not stick out for the entire course, but good luck to you.

 

[Earthcircle]

I think this is a normal reaction to being in university, and it usually passes. I would recommend finding a club on campus with interests that correspond to your own. I do not recommend university counseling (psychotherapy). I tried that and received dangerously incompetent help. If I had to do it over again, I would find the most politically radical group on campus and join them. Of course, your tastes may differ.