IcarusUnderWater
Member
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I am intimidated by PARTY/CLUBBER PEOPLE!!
- Thread starter IcarusUnderWater
- Start date
PhantomPod
Well-known member
Well, I'll just tell you that you are most definitely not in that boat alone. I'd say there's many people out there in the same boat who have the same problems.
I feel like i have that problem. The whole "I need and WANT to get a life!" idea. I don't quite know how to go about getting one either though.
Seeing as your brother offered to go to parties with you, I really would take him up on it and ask him for some tips on how to act and all that. My brother is really cool and popular too. He's never actually offered for me to go to a party with him or anything, but I suppose if I asked him he would give me some pointers.
I feel like i have that problem. The whole "I need and WANT to get a life!" idea. I don't quite know how to go about getting one either though.
Seeing as your brother offered to go to parties with you, I really would take him up on it and ask him for some tips on how to act and all that. My brother is really cool and popular too. He's never actually offered for me to go to a party with him or anything, but I suppose if I asked him he would give me some pointers.
PhantomPod
Well-known member
Oh yeah, and have you ever tried just having a drink to settle yourself down some? I mean, you don't have to become a complete alcoholic in order to fit in and get totally shitfaced, but the few times I have actually gone to a club or a party, I have found that having a drink helps me feel more relaxed and less uptight and busy worrying about the right things to say or do.
livingnsilence
Well-known member
I actually like these kind of people, they're better at finding fun in the most boring places and are good at keeping away awkward silences. Unfortunately these type of people don't usually like me though b/c I'm boring. I become one of these type of people when I drink the right amount though (not too little but not too much which is hard for me to pull off b/c I normally go overboard or I don't drink enough to feel a thing).
TAMPA-BAY
Well-known member
2nd that
I too am a bit uncomfortable being around those types that like to live life in the fast lane.
My brothers frequents clubs and bars all the time because he is in a reggae band. I use to give in an let him drag me along in the past but the dam lectures just turned me off.
I wanted to learn but if the person I am with is not willing to slow down or is not very understanding it just makes things worst because then It makes me feel like I can not do anything.
I remember the car ride to and from the clubs consisted of him talking down to me about every little flaw. At least if the roles were reverse I would tell the person they did a great job just by showing up.
I too am a bit uncomfortable being around those types that like to live life in the fast lane.
My brothers frequents clubs and bars all the time because he is in a reggae band. I use to give in an let him drag me along in the past but the dam lectures just turned me off.
I wanted to learn but if the person I am with is not willing to slow down or is not very understanding it just makes things worst because then It makes me feel like I can not do anything.
I remember the car ride to and from the clubs consisted of him talking down to me about every little flaw. At least if the roles were reverse I would tell the person they did a great job just by showing up.
blonderedhead
Well-known member
I do get slightly intimidated by really extroverted people as well, but, ok this is kind of going off topic a bit but I've always wondered this. Why is it that its always shy introverted people who feel they're missing out? Like icarus I was just reading what you said about dreams...
"I totally agree with what your saying. The infinity of the universe is what i appreciate the most. You can't put that feeling in to words when you just look up at the stars. it's just... immense".
Thats deep man. And I hate making generalizations but I've very seldom met an outgoing person say things like that. I mean theres a beauty in their simple carefree ways of life. But doesnt anyone think that theres some sort of intense and complex beauty in the way we are?
Sorry if this is a stupid question i'd just really like to know why shy, introvert automatically = boring, loser, needs a life, instead of vast, mindful, soulful any ideas?
"I totally agree with what your saying. The infinity of the universe is what i appreciate the most. You can't put that feeling in to words when you just look up at the stars. it's just... immense".
Thats deep man. And I hate making generalizations but I've very seldom met an outgoing person say things like that. I mean theres a beauty in their simple carefree ways of life. But doesnt anyone think that theres some sort of intense and complex beauty in the way we are?
Sorry if this is a stupid question i'd just really like to know why shy, introvert automatically = boring, loser, needs a life, instead of vast, mindful, soulful any ideas?
TAMPA-BAY
Well-known member
grass is greener
Intresting question Bonderedhead. The only thing i cold think of is that its one of those situation where the grass is greener on the other side.
I have been told by the outgoing types many time almost daily that they wish they could trade places with me because my life is so simply.
They realy think it was all intentionaly planed this way. It seems they dont know we are not living this life style by choice.
Intresting question Bonderedhead. The only thing i cold think of is that its one of those situation where the grass is greener on the other side.
I have been told by the outgoing types many time almost daily that they wish they could trade places with me because my life is so simply.
They realy think it was all intentionaly planed this way. It seems they dont know we are not living this life style by choice.
PhantomPod said:
I've learned that the alcohol (more like pills in my case) won't always be there for you. It made some situations easier, but if I saw the people I "partied" with again while not on anything, it would be the same old game.
Taking substances to ease SA will only retard your recovery by one night, since the only way to get over with it is to work through it.
Not that I'm totally against drugs, but just realize it's no substitute.
Cynic
Well-known member
I've been to clubs and parties in the past and I've went alone, but often ended up feeling like a freak or an outcast when everyone else seems so confident, sociable and know to say the right things. I daresay some of them can be good company in the right setting and the right mood, but I've always known that I'm not in their league.IcarusUnderWater said:
ghostpicnic
Active member
I find it funny how while they make us feel uncomfortable... we want to be near them.
I think it is a psychological subconscious longing of wanting other personality traits that we prohibit within ourselves to be more free and be ourselves, therefore naturally attracted to them. Also the obvious enjoyment of socialization.
It's like as if we limit ourselves in that area so it feels like it's out of reach... and I think it's safe to assume that we all want things we feel we can't have.
Once we realize we have the capability to be as relaxed/joyful as they are, I feel this attraction will end and we will end up in our own way, whichever way that might be.
I also think it's the influence of society and media... the cool popular people have all the fun. To have a life, you must be doing this and this and that... they indicate.
I feel as if that once we understand ourselves, we wouldn't get so intimidated or nervous.
This is what I learned from being with my ex boyfriend... he was those party goers, socially, fun, lovable kind of guy... I immediately fell in love with him early on...
Oh boy was I blind...
I think it is a psychological subconscious longing of wanting other personality traits that we prohibit within ourselves to be more free and be ourselves, therefore naturally attracted to them. Also the obvious enjoyment of socialization.
It's like as if we limit ourselves in that area so it feels like it's out of reach... and I think it's safe to assume that we all want things we feel we can't have.
Once we realize we have the capability to be as relaxed/joyful as they are, I feel this attraction will end and we will end up in our own way, whichever way that might be.
I also think it's the influence of society and media... the cool popular people have all the fun. To have a life, you must be doing this and this and that... they indicate.
I feel as if that once we understand ourselves, we wouldn't get so intimidated or nervous.
This is what I learned from being with my ex boyfriend... he was those party goers, socially, fun, lovable kind of guy... I immediately fell in love with him early on...
Oh boy was I blind...
2Crowded
Well-known member
Well...... I myself would never go to a club...because I already know I would not enjoy myself...even under the influence....in fact for me that would just make it worse as booz makes my face flush red & makes me hot & sweaty as well as itchy...always has & I don't know why. I never drink unless I am at home in front of a fan.
stardog
Well-known member
If you're talking to an expert in any field, they're going to be intimidating to approach on that subject..well to us these people are 'social experts' and we think they'll only accept us if we are socially skilled, like them. This is a very nerveracking situation for us because we believe we are very handicapped socially, miles behind these people.
ghostpicnic
Active member
IcarusUnderWater said:
Well as for me and my opinion, I have tried it lol. Unless you're talking about the typical hard partying we see everywhere in the media (Paris Hilton?!), guess I haven't... I was a crazy teenager however...
I am not basing my opinions on my ex. I mentioned him there, saying that these people are not who everyone might figure they are. They might all differ individually... like for instance my ex... he was the way he is because of his high insecurity. Not all of them are highly socially skilled and what not. In my biased opinion... they might be skilled in the immaturity of socializing... hahaha.
And no... I do not think every party people is a scumbag... lol... I happen to like party people. They are friendly and chillaxed.
Johno
Well-known member
I know the type of experience you are talking about. However believe me that it doesn't necessary follow that they are having a great life. Sure they can let their hair down when they are obviously under the influence of some substance. So what. I can do that myself and I have in the past. Trust me, when they wake up the next day like most of us, they feel just the same.. Let's get rid of this delusion that everyone is having a good time except me. It's just not true. Everyone has their own individual problems that are just as significant to them as our precious social phobia is to us. That just life.
Stressball
Well-known member
I am intimidated by really extroverted people too. All of my cousins are outgoing people and love clubbing, and I feel like the freak of nature. I went clubbing once and hated it, the loud music made me temporarily deaf and left my ears ringing for an hour...and just hated all these random dudes groping at me. But these days, if you're a young person who doesn't like the clubbing life it seems like you're being anti-social... it just sucks. At work there's this woman who is the complete polar opposite of me and it kind of overwhelms me. She's funny and lives life in the fast lane, and admits she gets bored of everything fast. She can't stop talking either and asks me alot of questions, half the time I have to make stuff up, because my life has been dull, I've been trapped at home for 7 years cause of SA. What am I supposed to say? lol. I always feel anxious and depressed around people because its so difficult for me to relate and feel at ease, so I have to just force myself to be interested in everything people do or say. I wish I could just let go and say whatever without worrying about what people think, I hate this part of my nature. But I am trying to keep exposing myself into social situations and get myself used to it. I don't want to die alone. To me what is the point of working hard at having a great career and everything, but no one to share it with. I have old highschool friends that know what I am going through, but it is still a challenge forcing myself to go out with them and just enjoy socialising. Ah well, one day at a time.
Richey
Well-known member
Clubbing is no big deal, the point of it is to drink and dance right? ..so it isnt the clubbing that intimidates me its the people who can talk and be outgoing whilst looking amazing that its almost uncomortable to be around them because they seem like on such a higher plane of social practice all the time that i envy ...
Johno
Well-known member
OK stressball
U want to be a clubber stressball? Let me remind you that it is a delusion to assume they are all rocking and having the best of times. I'm sure clubbing is the answer to all your problems. Get serious man. It's just a temporary thing. Furthermore most of those guys need drugs to have a good time. Without (the drugs) they are afraid (like some of us) of socialising.
U want to be a clubber stressball? Let me remind you that it is a delusion to assume they are all rocking and having the best of times. I'm sure clubbing is the answer to all your problems. Get serious man. It's just a temporary thing. Furthermore most of those guys need drugs to have a good time. Without (the drugs) they are afraid (like some of us) of socialising.