grapevine
Well-known member
Ive been spilling my beans all over this forum for awhile - all caught up in this toxic relationship.
He has schizophrenia and the things that come with that are all so over-consuming for me in such stress.
When someone acts in ways that disturb you. When there are no boundaries to their egotism and no self-questions asked of their paranoid delusions they think are real and they are passionate about.
This just makes me feel sick and so tired and upset again and again.
There is the disturbed part like this:
Theres literally loads of selfies like this each day and also on FB going back years.
Where on Instagram and FB - he can spend his days so pre-occupied with selfies of himself and videos of himself. He just wants to be able to have some power over the internet or something- I'm not quite sure - but I told him this was disturbing to me and I told him why. His response was for me not to go on there.
When he comes over to see you- and cant interact with you- because he is too much involved in looking at his photos and videos of himself.
And then there are those posts that say that' you will never meet me in person -good luck with your life- its so funny that you're obsessed with me lol.. all you have is your profile pictures to update.
Things like that. It goes on.
He basically has paranoid delusions of people online - he doesn't seem to grasp that he is just an ordinary nobody online like most people. He thinks that people look him up all the time because he looks random anyone up all the time- gets really frustrated with their profile pictures and thinks they are mocking him or that they are not good enough to be on facebook.
There are just so many things. Like the lacking of boundaries to his immaturity and clown type personality to his what I call the Taxman personality where he cannot even laugh or respond.
He cannot initiate. He has issues with being unable to emotionally respond appropriately which gets me upset a lot. When you don't get those basic needs met. It's really hurtful. Esp when in relationships there's that thing -where its a dance of sharing and giving receiving.. with him it's me giving and him receiving and that's kinda how it flows with him.
But in amongst all that- its just the un-intended selfish behaviour Im so tired of. When I think about it- what Im putting myself through with him. Im disrespecting myself. Its all about him and because he is mentally ill and delsuional- me saying what I think to him makes no cents.
He just cant give. He has no goals and is a sad case of delusions and self-implode.
Im not ready to hurt his feelings yet. Im scared of it - I feel too much for people and never done that before. And not ready for the hole it will leave. Ive never had a guy really be solidly want me like this. It's something that has been a game changer in my life of being Asexual for a very long time. Its changed me into someone feeling less in social low self esteem, yet its a crazy one sided relationship literally. But I do care for him and I enjoy some company. But I hold so much resentment - because I was the one paying for all his meals and driving him places and paying to go to the pictures and a concert and things like that- its like none of that I had and things I do - none of it will ever be recipicated to me. Even the $100 he said he would pay me back for to go to this concert at the start of this year with me- has never been paid back. Hell pay back other people but forget me. I feel so disrespected.
When you feel like you want to run well away from it.
How would you react to this?
I know I take responsibility for putting up with it. But things are complicated with me. I honestly feel like screaming and pushing him away- as his whole lifestyle and illness with his beliefs and online bombardment .. it all makes me feel so pushed into a corner. I'm not for his ways of life and mindless ways - its so opposite to who I am and I feel like my identity is shadowed by him.
He has schizophrenia and the things that come with that are all so over-consuming for me in such stress.
When someone acts in ways that disturb you. When there are no boundaries to their egotism and no self-questions asked of their paranoid delusions they think are real and they are passionate about.
This just makes me feel sick and so tired and upset again and again.
There is the disturbed part like this:

Theres literally loads of selfies like this each day and also on FB going back years.
Where on Instagram and FB - he can spend his days so pre-occupied with selfies of himself and videos of himself. He just wants to be able to have some power over the internet or something- I'm not quite sure - but I told him this was disturbing to me and I told him why. His response was for me not to go on there.
When he comes over to see you- and cant interact with you- because he is too much involved in looking at his photos and videos of himself.
And then there are those posts that say that' you will never meet me in person -good luck with your life- its so funny that you're obsessed with me lol.. all you have is your profile pictures to update.
Things like that. It goes on.
He basically has paranoid delusions of people online - he doesn't seem to grasp that he is just an ordinary nobody online like most people. He thinks that people look him up all the time because he looks random anyone up all the time- gets really frustrated with their profile pictures and thinks they are mocking him or that they are not good enough to be on facebook.
There are just so many things. Like the lacking of boundaries to his immaturity and clown type personality to his what I call the Taxman personality where he cannot even laugh or respond.
He cannot initiate. He has issues with being unable to emotionally respond appropriately which gets me upset a lot. When you don't get those basic needs met. It's really hurtful. Esp when in relationships there's that thing -where its a dance of sharing and giving receiving.. with him it's me giving and him receiving and that's kinda how it flows with him.
But in amongst all that- its just the un-intended selfish behaviour Im so tired of. When I think about it- what Im putting myself through with him. Im disrespecting myself. Its all about him and because he is mentally ill and delsuional- me saying what I think to him makes no cents.
He just cant give. He has no goals and is a sad case of delusions and self-implode.
Im not ready to hurt his feelings yet. Im scared of it - I feel too much for people and never done that before. And not ready for the hole it will leave. Ive never had a guy really be solidly want me like this. It's something that has been a game changer in my life of being Asexual for a very long time. Its changed me into someone feeling less in social low self esteem, yet its a crazy one sided relationship literally. But I do care for him and I enjoy some company. But I hold so much resentment - because I was the one paying for all his meals and driving him places and paying to go to the pictures and a concert and things like that- its like none of that I had and things I do - none of it will ever be recipicated to me. Even the $100 he said he would pay me back for to go to this concert at the start of this year with me- has never been paid back. Hell pay back other people but forget me. I feel so disrespected.
When you feel like you want to run well away from it.
How would you react to this?
I know I take responsibility for putting up with it. But things are complicated with me. I honestly feel like screaming and pushing him away- as his whole lifestyle and illness with his beliefs and online bombardment .. it all makes me feel so pushed into a corner. I'm not for his ways of life and mindless ways - its so opposite to who I am and I feel like my identity is shadowed by him.
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