How to be more confident.

[Kat]

I don’t think you completely stop caring but you become desensitized to it.

 

[KiaKaha]

Confidence is very confusing. Sometimes I think I am confident - but others dont seem to think that I am - does that even matter? Is that the definition of confidence? Like - what if *I* think I am confident - but other people think I am not - does that mean that I am confident? Or because that others dont see me as confident does that mean I am not confident.... like how is it measured. Because I feel confident sometimes - but I still appear as not confident....so I get told I need more confidence. Do you know what I mean...?

 

[MikeyC]

Yeah. Like how can I care less about what my mother thinks about me? Her voice always pops in my head and it is not a very nice voice. I love my mother very much, but she can say the meanest things sometimes. Or maybe I just interpret it that way. I dunno. I feel like such a failure I feel everyone must see me that way.

Your mother doesn't sound very supportive. Some of the stuff my mum says isn't very good, either, but it seems like your mum is on a different level, and I'm sorry about that. I don't see you as a failure, just personally.

I think its unreasonable to think that you can just "not care" what people think of you. Every single one of us cares about what others think and how we come across to others - we all desire acceptance and love. I sometimes think that this is the motivating force behind why any of us does anything at all.

It takes a certain personality not to care about what people think. I've know some people say they don't care about what anyone thinks, but then get angry when others speak negatively about them, so it is sort of affecting them.

 

[KiaKaha]

It takes a certain personality not to care about what people think. I've know some people say they don't care about what anyone thinks, but then get angry when others speak negatively about them, so it is sort of affecting them.

I just think anyone who says that they dont care about what other people think are lying - we all do.

Well except people who are psychotic perhaps....

 

[MikeyC]

I just think anyone who says that they dont care about what other people think are lying - we all do.

Well except people who are psychotic perhaps....

Everyone wants to be accepted one way or another.

 

[Kiwong]

I focus on the things I am good at, the same things build confidence.

 

[Kiwong]

Everyone wants to be accepted one way or another.

True, I like to be accepted and care about what the people that matter think.

An exercise I was given once was to draw a hand.

The people inside the hand, the ones I trust the opinions.
The people outside the hand, the ones who I don't need to know.

The critics, the cynics, the gossips, they quickly go into outside the hand.

 

[Srijita52]

I know, thats true - but its not as easy as just 'stopping' - thats why so many people do it. If you dont have confidence to begin with - then seeking validation, as unhealthy and detrimental to ones emotional well being as it is - is what makes you feel good about yourself - its an unhealthy cycle and I think what is important is figuring out a way to break it.

I dont think anyone can completely stop caring about what people think of them anyway - but perhaps not placing so much importance on other peoples opinions is probably more realistic.

Its hard not to care about what other people think and it takes a lot of time and experience. If you always get negative experience its hard not to care about them. I think to be more confident you need to get some positive validation from others as well. I could be wrong though.

 

[KiaKaha]

True, I like to be accepted and care about what the people that matter think.

An exercise I was given once was to draw a hand.

The people inside the hand, the ones I trust the opinions.
The people outside the hand, the ones who I don't need to know.

The critics, the cynics, the gossips, they quickly go into outside the hand.

I am probably on the outside of societys hand.

No but seriously - its a good philosophy. I am continually amazed at how much importance I place on strangers opinions of me more so than people I actually know.

 

[Kiwong]

I am probably on the outside of societys hand.

No but seriously - its a good philosophy. I am continually amazed at how much importance I place on strangers opinions of me more so than people I actually know.

I don't think you are KiaKaha.

Plenty of good feedback about what people think of you on here. Man, you must be alright looking, you certianly pull more birds than I ever have

I know that it is always the negative opinions that speak loudest. My mind is like an out of tune radio. You've really got to tune into the positive more, it's there, you've just go to turn the volume up on it.

 

[muxmux]

Yea i know, its hard to just stop caring about what people think about you, it takes time and perseverance. But no one can please everyone.. not even Ghandi could (he got murdered) instead of focusing on seeking validation from others, it makes more sense to care more about yourself and let the people who really likes you approach you, than seek people that u want it to like you. It makes sense to me, i know it isn't sunshine and rainbows, its hard to get the ''i don't give a ****'' attituted going, but its the right way to become more confident.

So yes, bottom line, since u can't please everybody, please the one you can in the first place, you.

 

[Camazotz]

It's pretty silly that people decided to not watch this video because of the attractiveness of the girl. Especially considering how this is a social phobia forum (!). People here don't want to be judged over their appearance, voice, way of dressing, or income level so why is it that they think it's ok to do it to others? This is a flaw in the human way of thinking.

Anyways, this video was pretty good. The girl doesn't seem entirely vapid and is speaking from a point of experience. I also like how she threw this video out there. This way whoever follows her blog can gain some insight by listening to her advice, "Don't like how I look? I DON'T CARE". A message for all the insecure trolls.

 

[Boby]

People here don't want to be judged over their appearance, voice, way of dressing, or income level so why is it that they think it's ok to do it to others?

People here were a bit pissed of because it's a bit hypocritical to talk about not having without actually experiencing it,for example it's bit hypocritical to say money are not important when you are very rich and never experienced poverty.
Anyway I didn't care about her looks but as I said she doesn't have a strong point,she is just pointing out some stuff.
And btw I don't know if you noticed but she is confident only on the surface,look when she is giving examples of what people said to her she said the same example several times:the anorexic thing.So she says she is confident but deep inside her she is affected but doesn't show it.

 

[WeirdyMcGee]

"Fake it till you make it."

That's what my therapist tells me every time I see her.
Why?
Because 'be' something for long enough and you'll start to believe it.
That's how to train(trick) your brain into thinking a different way than it previously did.

I'm assuming that was her basic message and it does work for some people.
You have to REALLY believe in what you're telling yourself though.

 

[da_illest101]

"Fake it till you make it."

That's what my therapist tells me every time I see her.
Why?
Because 'be' something for long enough and you'll start to believe it.
That's how to train(trick) your brain into thinking a different way than it previously did.

I'm assuming that was her basic message and it does work for some people.
You have to REALLY believe in what you're telling yourself though.

Some people fake for years and they are never happy or more confident. I really don't think that it's a good idea to do that

 

[WeirdyMcGee]

Some people fake for years and they are never happy or more confident. I really don't think that it's a good idea to do that

I don't think they mean-- fake everything about your personality.
But if you hate yourself and you tell yourself; 'I am great. I love me' every day, eventually you may hate yourself less.

 

[da_illest101]

I don't think they mean-- fake everything about your personality.
But if you hate yourself and you tell yourself; 'I am great. I love me' every day, eventually you may hate yourself less.

very true, but some might want to fake more and more stuff which could just lead to more lying or worse

 

[Boby]

But if you hate yourself and you tell yourself; 'I am great. I love me' every day, eventually you may hate yourself less.

This is like being in a deep pool and you push yourself up to get some air only to get to the bottom again.Your mind knows you are lying and doesn't make any positive changes ,it's like hiding the dirt under the carpet...that's just my opinion.

 

[Gaucho]

if id say to someone from my old school mates, that i suffer from severe depression and SP and other things, they wouldn't believe me, really, they wouldnt ,they'd think thats just impossible. Thats how easy it is to make others believe a different thing from ur true personality and life.

 

[coyote]

..People here don't want to be judged over their appearance, voice, way of dressing, or income level so why is it that they think it's ok to do it to others?...

one of the fundamental ironies on this forum

people whose disorder, by definition, makes them anxious about being judged are some of the most judgmental folks you'll ever encounter

why is that exactly?

something for everyone to ponder, if they dare