How many single people are there?

[JamesSmith]

Strange. Every girl I've met had a boyfriend that was cruel or pretty much evil (they treated their girlfriends the worst), and they loved it. My step-mom was cheated on by her ex-husband (who beat her up when she caught him in the act), and she still loved him. In fact, he was the one who broke up with her and wanted to get a divorce from her. Despite all of that, she still wanted to be with him.

...

Sure, some women like nice men, but as for the vast majority, they despise/loathe/abominate/hate nice men. I've witnessed this so many times in my life that I want to vomit if I even get begin to think about giving more examples.

If most women like nice men, then I'm probably not living in the real world right now.

I'm sorry you feel that way. Hopefully the right women come into your world and you change your mind. Most women don't like it when guys are mean. In fact, people don't like it when people are mean in most cases, so women aren't much different with that viewpoint.

 

[A friend]

I never said there wasn't any unkind (or morally correct) women in my life, I'm just saying that was what I saw. Not a very happy thing it was...

 

[Minty]

^ I'm sorry you experienced that. But not everyone has those experiences. Most of the women I have seen in my life have not had those experiences. My sister was abused by her boyfriend when he decided to show his true colors and she immediately flew back home because she wasn't about to put up with that crap. You can't say your personal experiences are a law throughout nature. That's like saying...if you've had cancer, everyone will develop cancer.

You might be living in the real world but your world is very, very different from mine.

 

[A friend]

Or maybe it's just how people are where I live...

 

[Minty]

I think it has a lot to do with self-esteem. Some women stay in abusive relationships because they feel like they can't do better. Women who have self-worth don't put up with abuse. And, as we both know, there are women with self-esteem in this world and women with none. Maybe you just need to find the former.

 

[A friend]

Not to sound negative or anything (my attitude was not designed for that in the slightest)---but I've decided to resign from the whole dating/partner love thing because it's absorbed too much of my thoughts, energy, and all of that.

It's stressed me out to the point where I almost have had a nasty seizure. I almost had my medication doubled because of that!

I...think that I'd rather be seizure-free than the opposite. There is...sooooo much more to life than love, my fingers would bleed if I typed just how much there really is.

Life is meant to be happy, not some stressful sad existance. Society has brainwashed so many people into thinking that love is the best thing in life.

IT'S NOT. The best thing in life actually depends on what you say it is. That's what I believe right now, it might change, but it's a pretty good way to think for me right now.

How bout you?

 

[GoBlue72]

Interesting....Coming from a fellow male with lifelong shyness and 20 years of diagnosed SA, I think it's always easy to make gross generalizations and blame whoever you want. And as much as I love to do so::, I also know the tendency of persons with SA to want to predict the future without letting things play out. I've done so most of my life in order to save my fragile ego from further damage I'm sure it will endure.

I think there is some truth in what you've each said, and if you take a step back when looking at the big picture you realize a couple things: A)no one really knows what the other sex wants. That's why the book "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" was such a hit. The sexes are different, in addition to individuals from each sex being different. And B) because of this, women do like both nice men and bad boys. It might be due to a variety of factors, and it might always weigh towards the bad boys with certain cultures and groups, but it still varies overall IMO.

Bad boys: I've talked with and read about countless women who continually end up with the bad boys. I think at a younger age it's common due to the alpha males seeking out the most attractive or possibly susceptible girls. Later on, it might be the "damaged" girls who have been through abuse and continue to seek out similar males without even knowing it.

Nice guys: On the other hand, I know many nice guys who have found a great woman. Sometimes, this is due to the guy being very outgoing while still being kind-hearted. Other times, it's later in life after the woman has been through the whole "bad boy" relationship, and sees the type of man she really wants. Or maybe it's two college students getting together, where the man has a high respect for women and the woman has high respect for herself. Regardless, I think it's too easy to make it an all or nothing issue.

Perhaps, it's easier for a woman to find a nice guy at certain times in her life, either previous to or subsequent to any heartbreak she's had. Bottom line, I think most women want to find a nice guy and be treated well. It's just a matter of the outgoing nice guys and outgoing *******s finding them first in most cases. When you suffer from SA and aren't out there all the time and in the dating game, we're left to wait around and hope we're there when the dust settles. At least that's often the case.

 

[Minty]

Not to sound negative or anything (my attitude was not designed for that in the slightest)---but I've decided to resign from the whole dating/partner love thing because it's absorbed too much of my thoughts, energy, and all of that.

It's stressed me out to the point where I almost have had a nasty seizure. I almost had my medication doubled because of that!

I...think that I'd rather be seizure-free than the opposite. There is...sooooo much more to life than love, my fingers would bleed if I typed just how much there really is.

Life is meant to be happy, not some stressful sad existance. Society has brainwashed so many people into thinking that love is the best thing in life.

IT'S NOT. The best thing in life actually depends on what you say it is. That's what I believe right now, it might change, but it's a pretty good way to think for me right now.

How bout you?

I agree so hard. Romantic love is great and hopefully I'll experience it one day. If not, that's cool too. I've got the love of my family and a few friends. I've got certain things I'm passionate about and I could spend my whole life enjoying them! Life is an adventure with a thousand different paths to travel down. Why be depressed just because you haven't gone down one of them?

 

[A friend]

Interesting....Coming from a fellow male with lifelong shyness and 20 years of diagnosed SA, I think it's always easy to make gross generalizations and blame whoever you want. And as much as I love to do so::, I also know the tendency of persons with SA to want to predict the future without letting things play out. I've done so most of my life in order to save my fragile ego from further damage I'm sure it will endure.

I think there is some truth in what you've each said, and if you take a step back when looking at the big picture you realize a couple things: A)no one really knows what the other sex wants. That's why the book "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" was such a hit. The sexes are different, in addition to individuals from each sex being different. And B) because of this, women do like both nice men and bad boys. It might be due to a variety of factors, and it might always weigh towards the bad boys with certain cultures and groups, but it still varies overall IMO.

Bad boys: I've talked with and read about countless women who continually end up with the bad boys. I think at a younger age it's common due to the alpha males seeking out the most attractive or possibly susceptible girls. Later on, it might be the "damaged" girls who have been through abuse and continue to seek out similar males without even knowing it.

Nice guys: On the other hand, I know many nice guys who have found a great woman. Sometimes, this is due to the guy being very outgoing while still being kind-hearted. Other times, it's later in life after the woman has been through the whole "bad boy" relationship, and sees the type of man she really wants. Or maybe it's two college students getting together, where the man has a high respect for women and the woman has high respect for herself. Regardless, I think it's too easy to make it an all or nothing issue.

Perhaps, it's easier for a woman to find a nice guy at certain times in her life, either previous to or subsequent to any heartbreak she's had. Bottom line, I think most women want to find a nice guy and be treated well. It's just a matter of the outgoing nice guys and outgoing *******s finding them first in most cases. When you suffer from SA and aren't out there all the time and in the dating game, we're left to wait around and hope we're there when the dust settles. At least that's often the case.

I choose to quit the dating game because it stresses me out, and each time I have a seizure, my immune system gets weaker, and my brain gets slightly damaged. If I have another significant seizure, I might become brain-dead.

That's why I've decided to give up looking and be single forever (until someone decides to be with me). I want to live, not become a human vegtable. :/

 

[GoBlue72]

No problem, A.f.i.n. I didn't intend on minimizing your situation, if that's how you read it. Just felt I could give some perspective on how I see things. I respect your decision, especially if you've had seizures(which I never have).

I did re-read the posts I was referring to, and I believe I was simply talking about the comments being made about men and women in general. Didn't mean to imply I was talking specifically about you, if that's how it came off.

Either way, be well/stay well.

 

[Littlewilly]

Only one.
Me.
All my life::

 

[Young sad and blue]

Well it is a social anxiety forum, what kind of results were you expecting.... :S

A person could have a million and one problems but is still able to find a relationship. That's funny.

 

[A friend]

142 people on this forum are single. I say that this is proof that single people are not aliens from another planet, as the media/society says they are.

But I want to say to everyone that there is nothing wrong with being single. Yes...I causes strain on certain people

(like me, because I can't control what I want to have in life because some part of my brain is defective),

but the other people who can shouldn't be parinoid that they will be outcasts in society.

Being single is not a mark of shame, if anything, it's the opposite.

 

[Cynicalloner]

I'm single so far been too socially awkward and shy to find a woman that can see past that and really get to know me hopefully that will change as we grow older but then again who knows...

 

[Jamovik]

Wow... a whooping 94.23% is single on this site!

 

[Deus_Ex_Lemur]

What a surprise roughly 95% of people are single on an SA forum. =)

But I think may find if this was asked on other forums not focused on SA and Shyness, it wouldn't be THIS high but there'd be more single ppl out there than taken.

 

[A friend]

I think that percentage of single people would probably be the same outside of socialphobiaworld. I say this mainly because of all the things I've read and heard whenever I decided to study this concept any further.

Single people aren't as rare and foreign as most of the societies on the planet say they are.

 

[Jamovik]

I don't think 95% of people outside of Socialphobiaworld are single.

 

[Hottie]

Jesus.. i was shocked at how many people are single.
But i suppose we are all suffering from social anxirty !!!

 

[Rufus]

I'm currently single.

I think that percentage of single people would probably be the same outside of socialphobiaworld. I say this mainly because of all the things I've read and heard whenever I decided to study this concept any further.

Mhmmm, it would be rather dependant on age group. Either way, I think the main difference is that the single people here who really want some action/a relationship is quite a lot higher than non SA'ers.