How do you turn down a girl?

[AGR]

So how do you do it without hurting her or without people criticizing you?

I had problems with this in the past,people really think its a sin for a man to do it,unless she is ugly or fat ,then its ok lol.
So last wednesday a philipine girl approached me to translate a letter to portuguese because her husband is brazillian and is in Brazil,apparently cheating on her and looks like abandoned her with three kids here,the kids are on the Philippines,so the girl is about to lose her japanese visa in a month,on another note whats up with girls and scumbags?but that is another topic.

Anyway I dont know why,I barely knew this girl,I dont know if she thinks I am a sucker who she can get a visa from,but today she seemed really into me,telling some people she was interested in me,asking about my phone number,what kind of phone it is,because some phones are easier to interact,I said she was pretty,maybe its a bit my fault because its hard for me to just say no or cut it out,but I didnt show any interest,I really want to stay alone I am not interested in her at all,so how do you do it?
I would think some guys here are masters at this or at least went through a similar situation.

 

[Remus]

Smells of scam to me. To many random unprovable facts.

 

[kilojoule]

Are you sure she's hitting on you?

In answer to the question though;
I dont think its actually possible to let anybody down gently without them being hurt. I dont think that its possible.

 

[SeniorRedrings]

Confide in this situations busybody that you are impotent,and that you really like this girl but shame and broken biology forbid you from taking things any further.

 

[AGR]

Are you sure she's hitting on you?

In answer to the question though;
I dont think its actually possible to let anybody down gently without them being hurt. I dont think that its possible.

Yes,I am sure,I do believe everything she said its true,what I dont really know is if she is thinking of using me to get a visa in the near future,I have seen a lot of cases here,I mean I dont really know her well so in my view its only right for me to have those kinds of doubts,I am not Japanese but I have a permanent visa and my future wife could get a visa aswell.

 

[kilojoule]

Confide in this situations busybody that you are impotent,and that you really like this girl but shame and broken biology forbid you from taking things any further.

Haha I love this

 

[kilojoule]

Yes,I am sure,I do believe everything she said its true,what I dont really know is if she is think of using me to get a visa in the near future,I have seen a lot of cases here,I mean I dont really know her well so in my view its only right for me to have those kinds of doubts,I am not Japanese but I have a permanent visa and my future wife could get a visa aswell.

hmm I don't really understand. I thought the question was, how to turn down a girl?' This is an entirely different question' how to determine if a girl is genuine or not?'

What is it that you are trying to decide?

 

[AGR]

hmm I don't really understand. I thought the question was, how to turn down a girl?' This is an entirely different question' how to determine if a girl is genuine or not?'

What is it that you are trying to decide?

Yes the question is still the same,regardless if she is genuine or not, I want to turn her down,without hurting her or at least without being criticized.

 

[kilojoule]

Just be honest then. That's the best you can do in the situation. When you know for sure that she is actually hitting on you, say to her you're not interested in getting involved just be honest.

Or

do what SR said, that would work too hehe

 

[Sartana]

Sounds like a major scam job to me to be honest.

 

[Feathers]

Well, you could tell her you're sorry but you're just not into that kind of thing right now (or at all, some people might get hung up on 'right now')... And that you understand, it looks like she's in a difficult situation but you're not ready for that kind of responsibility, I mean 3 kids, and does she want to stay in Japan, doesn't she want to get back to her kids? And such... She needs to take time to get her life together, not just run into the lap of some random stranger... she needs to learn from what happened, or she might end up doing the same mistakes again and again... if she's genuine she might understand...

If she might be in genuine need of help you might point her to any organisations that could help... (eg charity organisations that could provide food or such, if she might need it)

You could say something like, 'You look like a really great girl, but I'm just not feeling the sparks...' (a friend told something like this to a guy and he seemed to understand...)

or even 'It seems to me like you might wanna get back at your man for what he did to you, I think you might need more time to get over him...' (she'll probably say she's ready, but you could say, 'Well, I'm not' or something like that... 'don't wanna be a rebound guy' or something like that?) or straight out ask her, if she wants to stay in Japan etc, and how come... (the talk about the visa could happen here maybe, could she get help from an organisation that helps international people? She could probably get visa for studying too, is that an option for her?)

What are the kids doing alone in the Phillipines if both parents are on different parts of the world? Sounds fishy, it's good to be careful about this... yup

If she just might be a golddigger, you'd scare her away easiest by lamenting about money troubles or how expensive things are etc maybe?

It's probably a bit natural that people in difficult situations would turn to other people who might show even a bit of friendliness, and sometimes expats can 'bond' a bit, she might be drawn to Portuguese language/Latino guys... Or it might just be harmless flirting, nothing serious, it can be difficult to know from afar... Some girls may want to show revenge to their guys etc. It's better to stay out of this if it's not solved between them yet... (and you can tell her that!!) Are they divorced yet? You could tell her you don't date married women and you don't want to come between her and her husband, you feel there might still be some sparks and feelings there between them etc. And as for you, sorry, you just aren't feeling the sparks... (Maybe you could hint there might have been a difficult situation in your life too - don't have to tell what it is...)

Good luck resolving the situation!
(aww, I should be doing something else right now, back to writing what I'm supposed to be writing! )

 

[Kiwong]

In this case it seems easy, it would be no, you're married.

Don't worry about what people think, think about what is good for you.

I think pointing her in the direction of help might be good if she approaches you. Other than that you don't have to say anyhting that should give her the message. Stay out of her way, do not give her you number. She will no doubt move on.

 

[Feathers]

Yeah, she'll move on...

I'd just like to warn anyone about telling people things that might not be true - this might 'work' with strangers you're sure you'd never see again, if the girl knows some people who know you and you plan to be around them for a while, it might be better to stick to the truth as much as possible... maybe at least say 'taken' or 'have obligations' or be vague about it.. (or your eg co-workers might start asking you about certain things... or if you're single, a single girl you might LIKE could hear about certain things... depends how close she's with people you know...)

Yeah, ignoring people or being 'busy' and distant, not giving the phone number etc can usually give people a hint, time and space to go find someone new too... (some might not be deterred, in that case an honest/direct conversation might be needed) Think about it: you're actually doing her a favor, so she can find someone she'd be more compatible with! (And get her life together on her own!)

 

[coyote]

just say "no"

 

[MrJones]

Just be honest then. That's the best you can do in the situation. When you know for sure that she is actually hitting on you, say to her you're not interested in getting involved just be honest.

Yep, just tell her how you feel, what you think of the situation.

 

[moon_x]

The fact you havent rejected her means you probably dont want to? I think if you really wanted to, you would has said a firm no by now. Its not really hard to say No, you just have to say it and not look back. Nice way, could be, sorry I am not interested. But thanks for taking an interest in me. Bye

You dont have to have a long excuse to reject someone. Someone used to ask me out and I did a foolish thing and I replied back on his facebook rejecting him in a long paragraph. When I could just said, sorry, Im busy.

Especially if she didnt said anything about using you for the visa. Dont try to assume, or you might embarrassed yourself. She could be simply telling you her situation only.

 

[-lonestar-]

Just say you are flattered but you preffer to be single at the moment. Seriously who needs a girl with problems and kids to boot.

Theres no way anyone can judge you, rejection happens daily, don't stress, look out for you first.

 

[Aletheia]

There is no easy way. You WILL inflict pain.

I think if you really wanted to, you would has said a firm no by now.

I don't think that this is true at all. I've said yes to people just to avoid saying no.

Which is NOT what you should do. Be gentle but honest. Else there'll only be more pain.

 

[Dryad]

Tell her your gay...
Or best way is treat her like a friend and say "Hey guess what *smile* I met someone the other day! We went out for coffee and I think we really clicked" that was she will be yes a lil hurt but see that you think of her as friend only.

 

[MollyBeGood]

So how do you do it without hurting her or without people criticizing you?

I had problems with this in the past,people really think its a sin for a man to do it,unless she is ugly or fat ,then its ok lol.
So last wednesday a philipine girl approached me to translate a letter to portuguese because her husband is brazillian and is in Brazil,apparently cheating on her and looks like abandoned her with three kids here,the kids are on the Philippines,so the girl is about to lose her japanese visa in a month,on another note whats up with girls and scumbags?but that is another topic.

Anyway I dont know why,I barely knew this girl,I dont know if she thinks I am a sucker who she can get a visa from,but today she seemed really into me,telling some people she was interested in me,asking about my phone number,what kind of phone it is,because some phones are easier to interact,I said she was pretty,maybe its a bit my fault because its hard for me to just say no or cut it out,but I didnt show any interest,I really want to stay alone I am not interested in her at all,so how do you do it?
I would think some guys here are masters at this or at least went through a similar situation.

this sounds like a real scam to me. I think you should not get wrapped up in this if you can help it.