How do you think you got SA?

PennyLane

PennyLane

Well-known member
and is it a symptom of having something else ....or does it cause your other problems?

Personally I think i was a very shy child with a shy over protective mum and all my life I was told how quiet I was and mum never really pushed socialising when I was young so it just slowly got worse.

I think it mainly stems from my self esteem though...I have zero, so therefore I presume no one would want socialise with me.
 
A

Acme

Well-known member
For me SA is genetic (my dad has it, his mom has it, etc). Was dealt bad cards in this existence.
 
Q

Queen_Of_Pain

Well-known member
I don't know, actually I was just thining about this the other day.
Maybe I inherited it (can't think from who) or maybe i'm just overly shy and lost too much confidence since I can remember.
I was wrapped up in cotton wool to some extent, that can't have done anything good either.
 
recluse

recluse

Well-known member
My mother is quite shy and being an only child she was quite independent.

I think it's partly genetic but also i was always made fun of in school because of a slight speech defect (i'm unable to pronounce certain letters such as R and also when i say TH it sounds life F) so this made me withdraw and not speak unless i really had to. Children in school were mostly cruel to me and this has made me not trust people.

Then as i got into high school i got quite chubby and even family members would comment on my weight, and the fact that older family members did it hurt even more because you expect older people to have more tact. Anyway i got anorexia at 14 but i got therapy and luckily got out of it within a year. My distrust and sometimes hatred of people remains though.
 
PennyLane

PennyLane

Well-known member
recluse said:
My mother is quite shy and being an only child she was quite independent.

I think it's partly genetic but also i was always made fun of in school because of a slight speech defect (i'm unable to pronounce certain letters such as R and also when i say TH it sounds life F) so this made me withdraw and not speak unless i really had to. Children in school were mostly cruel to me and this has made me not trust people.

Then as i got into high school i got quite chubby and even family members would comment on my weight, and the fact that older family members did it hurt even more because you expect older people to have more tact. Anyway i got anorexia at 14 but i got therapy and luckily got out of it within a year. My distrust and sometimes hatred of people remains though.
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Wow this is a lot like me...my mum was shy and independent. I never really mixed with that many other kids.

At school i had eczema (which cleared up with age luckily) but that caused a lot of bullying, then in high school I had really curly hair...which obviously none of the boys thought was attractive!

I feel like my weight is under constant scrutiny....im fairly skinny/slim and my gran is always saying "hows your weight" and she is always talking about my sisters thighs which makes me think i shouldn't put on weight. Even the boyfriends i've had seem to be conscious of me maintaining the weight I am...it seems a lot of pressure.

Some people seem to want me to be really skinny and others are almost rude in the way they tell me to put on weight. Its like your allowed to say mean things if you think someone is skinny but not if you think they are overweight...I think it hurts either way!

Sorry turned into a bit of weight rant!
 
this_portrait

this_portrait

Well-known member
Part of it is genetic, I think. The other part was triggered by social rejection by my peers at a very young age.
 
recluse

recluse

Well-known member
PennyLane said:
Wow this is a lot like me...my mum was shy and independent. I never really mixed with that many other kids.

At school i had eczema (which cleared up with age luckily) but that caused a lot of bullying, then in high school I had really curly hair...which obviously none of the boys thought was attractive!

I feel like my weight is under constant scrutiny....im fairly skinny/slim and my gran is always saying "hows your weight" and she is always talking about my sisters thighs which makes me think i shouldn't put on weight. Even the boyfriends i've had seem to be conscious of me maintaining the weight I am...it seems a lot of pressure.

Some people seem to want me to be really skinny and others are almost rude in the way they tell me to put on weight. Its like your allowed to say mean things if you think someone is skinny but not if you think they are overweight...I think it hurts either way!

Sorry turned into a bit of weight rant!
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Well people don't think that it's offensive to insult someone who is skinny, a lot of skinny people want to put on weight as much as bigger people want to loose weight. When i got anorexia the people who teased about my weight then commented on how thin and frail i had become...So i couldn't win!:mad:

It seems to me that some people find anything to pick on.
 
A

Anxiety_ridden_Firefox

Member
I think mine's partly genetic, since my mom was really shy as a kid.
Also one of my cousin's was extremely shy but is much better now, and another one of my cousin's is shy.
Although, that's just shyness, I think what might of made it worse is that my 'best friend' in Primary actually turned out to be horrible, and she was always talking about me behind my back. :/ She also didn't like me hanging around with other people and spread lies about them, so I'm sure that didn't help.
And I think it's just got worse from the bullying, which is by most of my class, because of being so shy. D:

~Firefox
 
Quiet Angel

Quiet Angel

Well-known member
My ex best friend in elementry school. She would criticize me from head to toe & often "teach me" how to be self-concious. She'd often tell me how often others are gossiping about me, how I look like an "idiot" whenever I'd walk/run/eat/etc. She was also abusive & would yell/scream at me so that felt intimidating. I basically went from a super happy & outgoing child to a quiet and withdrawn one. My anxiety developed when I was in 4th grade.
 
freestylemonster

freestylemonster

Banned
I'm guessing it's from me being over-sensitive, but I really don't know. I could spend 20 years trying to figure it out then try to fix it OR I could just try to fix it now and forget about why I have it :)
 
Rheves

Rheves

Well-known member
Uncontrollable diahrea.....j/k.
I was a shy kid. I dont know when exactly SA developed. I was raised by a single mother with my 3 sisters. I think part of it might stem from not having a strong male figure growing up. I did see my dad, but only every other weekend. He wasnt much of a dad back then anyways. I dont really care how it started. I just want to destroy it.
 
Blue Teardrops

Blue Teardrops

Banned
My mom and dad have it, but not as bad as me. You know how 2+2=4? Well, mom with SA + dad with SA = total train wreck (i.e. ME!).

I've had shyness since I was young, but it really kicked in around adolescence. Bullying and hair loss, a few other things really screwed up my social abilities.
 
C

crestfallen.

Active member
For me, I'd say that it was a combination of:

-being naturally shy

-having a father who often avoided visitors when they came to our house, leaving my mom to play hostess (a role which she seemed to enjoy, since she was always the chattiest of us three)

-having a mother who came off as overly demanding. I'd do well on exams when I was younger, and instead of encouragement, I remember her saying I could have done better. I think I've internalized her critiques and as such, I'm brutally self-critical...to the point where I could find a flaw in practically everything I do.

-being bullied when I was younger, and the first friendship I ever had in grade school fall apart because of how sensitive I was to being made fun of.

-realizing that all of my social relationships in school (up to college) were the result of someone else making the first move and starting a conversation with me. Because I was only social to the extent that others were social with me, I never learned how to approach people nor developed the self-confidence to even bother trying. In college, people hardly approached me, so I ended up a total loner for a lot of my time there.
 
I

IJustWantMyLifeBack

Well-known member
crestfallen, I hear you.. I was in the same boat but both mum and dad where not into visitors..... for School I was in the same position.. I really think this starts back at school and the home..
 
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crestfallen.

Active member
IJustWantMyLifeBack said:
crestfallen, I hear you.. I was in the same boat but both mum and dad where not into visitors..... for School I was in the same position.. I really think this starts back at school and the home..
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Thanks, and I think you're right. I think SA's most likely to start at school and home because those two are the main places are where children develop their interpersonal skills. And if there's a problem in either setting, then certainly it's possible for someone to lack those skills as they get older.
 
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