How do you respond to the "do you have a girlfriend" interrogation?

milo2020

Active member
#1
I get this more when I visit relatives in the Philippines, my aunties or their neighbours or random people or a childhood friend they will ask if I have a girlfriend. I say no, they ask why, I freeze up and don't know what to say or how to answer that.

Even a gay guy asked me if I have a gf and looked surprised and then said, why? Are you gay?

I guess part of it is I suck at talking to people, and no matter how hard I tried, I fail, or don't manage to get that far.
Sometimes I feel not ready for a serious relationship and all sorts. I just don't know, it's not something I like to tell people.

I find the questions annoying and feel like telling them to mind their own business.
I guess it gets worse now 31 years old.

Even the GP last month asked me if I have a gf and ask why not?
 
#2
Your GP should not be asking you if you have a gf or not. Other people may ask, but you don't have to answer.
A good way to remove the spotlight from you in an uncomfortable situation (lets use yours) would be to immediately ask them a question after you answer theirs.

Them - 'do you have a girlfriend?'
You - 'No, I just haven't met the right girl yet. How is your mother/father?'

It removes the focus from you and puts it straight back onto them, it gets them thinking of themselves again.

Hope this helps :)
 

theoutsider

Well-known member
#3
I always hated that when I was single. It's such a rude question because they don't know the person's state of mind. It may be a very touchy subject at the moment. I mean, what if you just went through a painful breakup? What if you really want a girlfriend but can't find one and you're depressed about it? They don't know but they just plow right ahead. "Do you have a girlfriend? No? Why not?? Why don't you get a girlfriend (as if you can just go out, club some unsuspecting woman and make her yours)? Ughhh!
Similarly, shortly after I got married the questions started. Are you guys planning to have kids? Why don't you have kids already?
What if we weren't able to have kids and it was a painful topic with us? Don't people think about these things?

One thing you could say is you just got out of a relationship and are taking your time instead of diving into another. That is, as long as you don't mind lying to them.
 

planemo

Well-known member
#5
An acquaintance of my father, recently asked me a similar question. He inquired as to why I wasn't married. He first asked for my age, to which my dad answered by lying and saying I was 28. I know why he lied, since stating my real age, would prove more embarrassing. I told the man my real age of almost 35, to which he gave a puzzled look. I can't remember the exact question he asked as a follow up, but it sounded something like "can't you find a woman?". I just smiled and said, "I like being on my own". He then joked about how sometimes one is better off that way. My dad was kind of embarrassed but I actually wasn't, surprisingly. That's why I stated my real age and as for the reason I gave to this man... well, he can make of it what he wants.
 

Phoenixx

Well-known member
#7
I remember those questions when I was single. I hated them. It's so ignorant and really no one's business. I had people in my life who used to ask, not because they didn't know why I was single, but almost as a rub-in to my face. To those people I simply said, "Why do you care?" or "Why is it any of your business?" That usually shut them up. Thankfully those people are no longer in my life. The moment I could, I cut those strings faster than you could blink.

To others who asked because of ignorant curiosity I always said, "I don't mind being single." or "Just haven't met the right person yet."

Similarly, shortly after I got married the questions started. Are you guys planning to have kids? Why don't you have kids already?
What if we weren't able to have kids and it was a painful topic with us? Don't people think about these things?
My husband and I have only just started getting these questions. There are a buttload of reasons why we don't have kids and still don't plan on having any anytime soon. Our current statement is, "We work too much." Which is true. We work our asses off, with both of us gone 12 hours a day some days with our jobs. The last time someone asked why I don't have kids yet, I told them that I wasn't giving up my career to become a mother. Blunt, but true. And as a woman, I feel like people automatically expect you to become a mom the minute you get married. Because heaven forbid women have careers besides the mom role. You just can't have both these days, you literally can't. (Or at least not if you're the average American, or if your dream career IS to be a mom.) You either have to quit your job to raise your kids or pay someone else to raise them for you.
 

Kiwong

Well-known member
#8
My sister-in-law assumed I was gay. I have heard that I mustn't like women.

It is fascinating anxiety can be reduced to assumptions about sexuality.

My fear has always been about people.

My psychologist reckons I should get into an intimate relationship. I laughed at an said, but then I will need a relationship counsellor.
 

F0AM

Well-known member
#9
Your GP should not be asking you if you have a gf or not. Other people may ask, but you don't have to answer.
A good way to remove the spotlight from you in an uncomfortable situation (lets use yours) would be to immediately ask them a question after you answer theirs.

Them - 'do you have a girlfriend?'
You - 'No, I just haven't met the right girl yet. How is your mother/father?'

It removes the focus from you and puts it straight back onto them, it gets them thinking of themselves again.

Hope this helps :)
LOL I read "intimidatingly" instead of "immediately" and I thought it would go like:

- Do you have a GF?
+ No
- Why?
+ She made the same question
- wait wh-
+ 🙂🔪


Well Milo, me being gay i've been dealing with this question plus the anxiety it causes for quite some time. As you probably know, there's nothing wrong with not having a GF/Bf and A LOT of people are single. You could say stuff like: I'm not into relationships, don't have time for that right now, didn't find the right person or something like that, making it look like what it really is, a triviality. As pug said, you could also ask them questions on order to remove focus. Or something like:

- do you have a GF
+ No
- why not?
+ why yes?
- its normal?
+ who decides what's normal?
- well socie-
+ whAt iS SOcIeTy
- oK Oh MY GoD you COuLd HaVe Just Said "no"
+ I did :/
- :/

OR (and I personally did this one)

- do you have a GF?
+ No, I'm single
- how so?
+ Why the interest, wanna be my Bf or what?
- *starts laughing*

To this day I still don't know if he was laughing because didnt expect the answer or because I hit the spot.

Jokes aside, I know it's annoying but it's something you'll have to deal with and thankfully it doesn't last long. Don't feel bad or weird for answering with a negative, as I said is more common than what it may seem (and not necessarily because the person has SA or any kind of social issue, just because it's his/her choice).
 
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