How come most people, even your own parents won't aknowledge the fact you have SA?

[Social@nxietyMaster]

When I tell most people that I have social anxiety they say, oh just let it go or it's nothing to worry about. I'm saying to my self, you have no Idea do you. Sometimes people tell me stories about time when they experienced anxiety when they were younger, but it still never matches with me. In Thier youth they had jobs, romantic mates, cars, and were doing things like joining the drill, basketball, or football team. As with me I can't even enjoy doing what I wan't to do beacuse my tainted brain always beats me out of it. I'm like an old dog who has been trained to be a certain way and its very Very VEry VERy VERY hard to reform. It hard for me to even get my driver permit, because I don't like being around people. That's ashame isn't it, a drivers permit. Also when I told my mother about my condition this morning she tells me just think about the times when you were in middle school when you were as anxious. She claims that she remembers me as not being anxious when I was in middle school. Oh yes I was, it wasn't that much. It seemed as I got older the worst my SA got. I guess the older you are the wiser you get isn't so good? My mother also tried to keep brushing it off that nothing is wrong with me than I got very frustrated. Then before you know it shes accusing me of being so sensitive and letting everything get to me. I HATE CRITICISM!!! This is just something that she has to experience in order to fully understand. I can't beleive people are telling me to let go of my SA! I tried that to my fullest potential, but never could get the feeling of feeling free again like when I was younger. They all tell me to get over it. WHAT THE ***K IS THAT? Sometimes I just wish I was a ***king sociopath, so I won't have to ***king worry about this GOD***N social anxiety. That way I won't have to feel any embarrasment about what I do. Those ***king social paths have it so easy. ***k they have it so easy. Some of them claim they wan't to have feelings. I would trade with them any day. I would do anything for that. Excuse me for getting a little off topic here, but I just had to get that off of my chest.

 

[KnuffleBunny]

The first time I heard of SA, I didn't understand it. I was rather young and couldn't grasp it even though I read a little about it. I must admit I didn't know how to deal with my then BF's SA (my current has SA as well but I'm understanding it more now), I didn't even realize how bad it was. But he also did not want to change.

What I mean to get across is that it IS a difficult thing for people without SA to understand. We automatically think 'It's just shyness' when it's really worse than that. Some people can't learn or grasp the concept at all, others like me take a while to finally start realizing what's going on. In a way I think it's a willingness to learn. Because most of us grow up thinking shyness is normal and you just need to work through it, it's not easy to think of it as an actual 'issue'.

If however you are lucky, there ARE people out there who DON'T have SA who will gradually learn, accept and help. It's difficult to find, but we are out there.

 

[BlueDays]

Hello and welcome to the forum


In my own experience I have come across a method some people use to excuse themselves from having to care or deal with a problem.

Some people will minimise someone's problem, ie. state that it is not that bad, so they have a "justified" reason to dismiss it and not care or help with it.

 

[Shant]

Mix of "they don't understand" and "they just don't care".

They're unable to truly understand and don't want to trouble themselves with truly bothering to understand it - instead they would just go with the benefit of the doubt, call you crazy, and not get themselves worked up.

Maybe they don't want to accept that it exists, and would rather just feel better if they convince themselves it doesn't exist.

Meh.

That, and modern society being conditioned to not want others to truly talk about their problems. Having to keep a fake smiling face, and all that.

 

[Kat]

I think most have a basic level of understanding but they’re not experts at it. It would be like expecting someone to know calculus when they only know the basics.. But I know the frustration I have had people say they understand but you can’t fool an expert.

 

[Mickery]

I don't blame anyone, I didn't understand it myself until I happened across a description one day. I still don't understand it entirely and it's me, I certainly can't expect much of others.

 

[takethislife]

Try to explain someone why you fear, for example spiders. Good luck with that. The same is with SA. If you haven't experienced it you just don't understand.

 

[Mickery]

Spiders need no explanation. Just look at them! In fact, it's really people who love spiders that need to justify themselves.

 

[takethislife]

Spiders need no explanation. Just look at them! In fact, it's really people who love spiders that need to justify themselves.

Ok, than snakes or... i dunno mice XD or whatever phobias people have.

 

[hippiechild]

Because, for parents, it implies a certain degree of failure on their part. Having gone through all the effort and investment of having a child, only for them to fall victim to the triviality of shyness, is pretty depressing.

Because, even if they do know that you have it, they realize that ascribing you a label won't change your condition and may even lead to identification with that label. A lot of people see that I (we) have a problem and work to help with it. The fact that they don't just drop 'hey, SA! You've got a mental malfunction' might be for the better.

Because SA is basically just a harsh term for shyness, but 'shyness' doesn't have the isolating, self-commiserating effect that SA does. SA is not descriptive; saying that you have SA does not create any new information, it only pretends to.

 

[Kinetik]

I think in the case of parents, their reluctance to acknowledge it also comes from them not wanting to accept the full consequences of SA, which are ongoing and far-reaching. To accept the full impact of SA in their kids is to take on a massive uphill struggle, whereby they are essentially 'stuck' with their children due to their failure to thrive in the outside world, and no parent wants that for themselves, or their kids. SA is a somewhat intangible mental illness, it persists for many years if not indefinitely, and it is difficult to treat. You don't just pop a pill to get rid of it.

So I think in the eyes of unsupportive parents, it gives their kids an excuse to bail on anything they see as challenging, which is very tiring and disappointing for them to deal with. Parents in general want to believe that their children are fine, and that they themselves will be able to lead independent lives again once their kids are all grown up and moved out. There aren't many people who want to be burdened with a non-functional child for the rest of their days. So there's definitely an element of selfishness as well as denial.