how are you supposed to talk to girls

[DaaaBulls]

Dodger, I think that there in lies your problem. You have put so much pressure on yourself to get a girl because you think you need one so badly that it is making it impossible for you to actually do so. It makes it hard when every girl you talk to is the end all be all and you put so much pressure on yourself to make her like you that your giving yourself no chance. Have the state of mind that you don't need a girl but if you got one that would be nice. Put less pressure on yourself to succeed and maybe you might actually be able to handle the situation. Try to simplify the situation.

 

[Dodger]

But I lack confidence so badly and I am so lonely I just hate it how it seems like girls never even want to talk to me anyways I want...to be normal.

 

[DaaaBulls]

What is normal? I don't think that anyone is normal. Everyone is unique, so your shy and quiet, that doesn't make you abnormal.

When ever I feel like I "need" a girl I start focusing my energy on other things. Like working out or eating healthy. Or school or my hobbies. It seems the times that I get girls attention is when I am not focused on getting them. When I am focused on getting them I act differently and unnatural. You will find someone. How old are you anyways??

 

[Dodger]

I am 19 and I have never been in a relationship.

 

[DaaaBulls]

Dude you have plenty of time. Man I am 22 and have never been in a real relationship. The most I have ever done with a girl is make out and a tiny bit more. It sucks but we have all the time in the world. Your only 19, real relationship stuff in my mind doesn't start happening until your out of college which is around 23 years old. Your fine.

 

[Dodger]

Ok, But what about the fact that talking to them makes me so nervous how can girls notice me if I don't talk to them.

 

[DaaaBulls]

I think it is just a matter of experience. If you sit at home worrying and stressing about it and never go out and do it then it will never get better. You have to be willing to take some lumps when you go out and expect to get rejected or feel like you didn't do very well. After awhile you will start getting better and better and realize it isn't too bad to talk to them. You may fail the first 50 times but expect that. If you expect to go out and succeed right away then you will never improve. Have you eve played a sport before? You don't start out being really good right away. You start out practicing with your dad and then play soft pitch and you get better and better. You don't just put the baseball glove on and go onto the Varsity baseball team. It takes years of work. A lot of failures, errors, strikeouts, losses, etc. Then you get better at the game. When I first started playing baseball I wasn't great and I knew nothing about the game. I didn't even realize until later that you couldn't score on defense. After years of practice and learning the game I became very good and knew everything about the game. It's the same with girls. Practice Practice Practice

 

[Danfalc]

Ok, But what about the fact that talking to them makes me so nervous how can girls notice me if I don't talk to them.

I dont want to come across rude but youve been given quite a bit of advice...and its not seemed to of helped you.I know its frustrating as hell having anxiety,but the answer to your problems like most things normaly lies within yourself...we can only suggest stuff.

 

[Dodger]

I am not saying the advice was not good but I just need something really easy to do I feel like I have no friends and I feel like people reject me as soon as they see me.

 

[ds29]

Do you want to know the best keept secret when it comes to becoming confident around pretty girls?

The secret is....

"Fake it til' you make it"

Just pretend that you talk to pretty girls all day and this girl is no exeption. Once you step into that role you will see that a bit of your fear is vanishing. Then after a while doing this faking you will find yourself transformed with great confidence.

It works every time..

Another tip to get a girl interested in you is to copy what she's doing.. If she's fibbling with her hair with her left hand, then start to fibble with your hand about 30 secs later.

She will subconsiously think that "I like this man, we are very similar"

 

[recluse]

I'm paranoid that i appear nerdy to girls. I get so nervous i loose composure.

 

[no1]

Dude you have plenty of time. Man I am 22 and have never been in a real relationship. The most I have ever done with a girl is make out and a tiny bit more. It sucks but we have all the time in the world. Your only 19, real relationship stuff in my mind doesn't start happening until your out of college which is around 23 years old. Your fine.

you know I started college at 22.

 

[social_phobia2008]

Ok, so the subject is ''how are you supposed to talk to girls''

To me that was and will remain the thoughest thing to do, since i have SP, like the rest of you here.

I'm almoust 24 and I have been in 2 relashionships till now: a 2 years one and a the other lasted like 5-6 months. I cant say i have found the solution to talk to girls, but i know things that help.

As someone said here: fake it till u make it. It works wonders. Just try to not be serious and treat the conversation like a ...joke. Try to make the girl curios by not responding directly to her questions. For example: if he askes you: what do u like to do, you respond something like: what do u think i like to do ? guess, or improvise something else. That puts more mistery i you and she becomes more interested.

Another thing in a conversation that i noticed over the years in that is not that important WHAt you say, and long as u say something...u can divagate all u want...jum from one thing to another...but in the same time try to remain coherent.

Another guy here said to start with girls yu dont feel atracted to...just for practice...and try not go ANY further, like i did...cause that'a a failed relashionship from the start...she probbably fall for you and the feeling wouldnt exist the other way around.

Of course its hard to maintain yourself calm in the presence of a girl u like...but think: it's the only hard part...the first conversation and the first 2-3 dates...in witch time u can accomodate to her...and if she accepts a 2nd a a 3rd date...than it's almost 100 % sure she likes u...so the hard part is gone. If she doesnt...then move on to another one and so on...seems easy said but i still find it hard even now.

Oh, and as an advice...try not to go on a date with the ''rifle full'', leave your ammo at home, if u know what i mean. It helps with the anxiety.

That's about it...if i remember any advice that has helped me i'l post here.

 

[danstelter]

There's some good posts with good advice here and I'll add something to it: let go of the outcome. Who cares what happens? Hard to do I know, but this is the best way to get what it is that you want. Besides that, having confidence knowing that the right things will work out at the right time is very helpful. It happened in my life. I was lonely for a long time, but now here I am, about to be engaged on this weekend when I pop the question. Just keep working at making yourself the best you can be, let go of the outcome, and everything will be just fine!

 

[Danfalc]

I am not saying the advice was not good but I just need something really easy to do I feel like I have no friends and I feel like people reject me as soon as they see me.

I know you wasnt,sorry if it sounded like a dig at you because it wasnt,I know its not easy and you really cant click your fingers or snap out of it.

But at the same time what i was trying to say i guess in a way is there is no easy way,like most things with anxiety its going to take effort pain and paitience,so advice is great but at some point you have to take your training wheels off and just go for it.

Im sorry you feel costantly rejected by people,maybe you should try talking to people off this site to get a few friends or at least just people you can relate to.Heres a thread where you can add people off this site onto msn http://www.socialphobiaworld.com/msn-or-yahoo-buds-829/

Or maybe try chat out,its hard at first but everyone on there is great,i wont normaly go anywhere near a chat site but everyone is cool and we all have the same problems.Or try adding people and speaking 1 on 1 if you find that easier.Hope that helps,i was like you and felt rejected all the time but ive met some great people off here,including my gf.

 

[pandamonium77]

4 out of the 5 friends i have are girls
I find it harder to talk to guys because i don't like sports and what not, and just cant fit in with them

 

[Satine]

Yeah but the problem is I can' I get to scared to talk to a girl.

What is different about a girl? What aspect of them is it you find threatening? The different anatomy? The possibility she'll interpret your interaction with her as trying to get into her pants? The fact that girls are generally better linguists and that she might make you look a fool? What is it? If you can narrow it down, you might find a solution.

 

[no1]

There's some good posts with good advice here and I'll add something to it: let go of the outcome. Who cares what happens? Hard to do I know, but this is the best way to get what it is that you want. Besides that, having confidence knowing that the right things will work out at the right time is very helpful. It happened in my life. I was lonely for a long time, but now here I am, about to be engaged on this weekend when I pop the question. Just keep working at making yourself the best you can be, let go of the outcome, and everything will be just fine!

you know that is good advice. When you become too attached to anything you can run into problems.

 

[DaaaBulls]

What is different about a girl? What aspect of them is it you find threatening? The different anatomy? The possibility she'll interpret your interaction with her as trying to get into her pants? The fact that girls are generally better linguists and that she might make you look a fool? What is it? If you can narrow it down, you might find a solution.

Better linguists? I don't know about that, I have met many many girls who do not fit this category. I'm guessing your a girl?

 

[antipop621]

I used to be unable to talk to girls. Now I'm only afraid of them if I want to ask them out, which is also getting a bit easier, mostly because my self confidence has gone up and my standards down. Still, with each rejection I become that much more of a misogynist.