how are you supposed to talk to girls

Dodger

Dodger

Well-known member
I always get so nervous around girls the thought of talking to a girl sometimes makes me breath hard or it sometimes makes me stop breathing as well. I need to talk to girls because I am lonely but I am so scared. I don't want anyone to tell me to just talk to her because I can't do that.
 
Danfalc

Danfalc

Banned
Im not sure if there is any easy/quick answer,Some really good advice ive heard on here is to try and not put females on the pedastal we do...and if you can really get your head round seeing girls as somthing else than a threat then you might begin to feel more at ease.

Maybe try talking to girls your not really attracted too at first?So the sexual tension isnt there...you dont feel the need to impress as much ect and hopefully you wont stress yourself out too much,hopefully again you will feel more at ease around girls.

I guess the other thing you could do is,anything which makes you feel more confident yourself,start working out if you dont already...get a new haircut and some clothes.. the better you feel about yourself the more confidence you will hopefully have going into a situation.In the long run maybe look at getting c.b.t or other therapy to combat your anxiety and dont beat yourself up if you screw up a bunch of times at first,practise makes perfect so they say.
 
Perfidion

Perfidion

Well-known member
Girls are PEOPLE. They just have breasts. It's really not that hard if you stop focusing on the breasts and focus on the fact that she's a person. JUST LIKE YOU. (And believe me, as a male, I'm well aware of how challenging it can be to ignore certain aspects of the female anatomy.) Be friendly without being sleazy, and you'll find that she's not half as scary as you'd imagined. Now, go and try. GO ON!
 
freestylemonster

freestylemonster

Banned
It seems like you're looking for one of us to give you some sort of magic answer that'll make your fear of talking to girls go away. But trust me, after 3 years of searching "ways to get over shyness/sa" on the internet |I've come to the conclusion that there is no miracle cure.

Sadly, the most effective way to get over your fear of talking to girls is to..well...talk to girls!

There are some ways to maybe make it a bit easier:

-try having fake conversations with girls in your head to practice what you'd say.

-in karate we do this thing called "one step sparring" where one person throws a punch at you and you have to escape and counter. You can do the same thing. Visualize someone saying "hey how's it going" then come up with a bunch of replies that you can say to that. Practice this a lot so the replies become automatic.

hope this helps a bit

:)
 
B

Banvard

1
I have always thought that speed dating would be a perfect social training tool. Chances are you will make a fool of yourself, but you do not have to know any of them. In addition, the more times you do this, the better you will get.
P.S. I do not follow my own advice.
 
DaaaBulls

DaaaBulls

Well-known member
Girls are the hardest things to talk to and also to understand. One girl can be easy to talk to and another really difficult. I think the most important thing is to see her body language and use that to find out if she is even interested or not. It is just a waste in my mind to be frustrated over a girl that really doesn't even have any interest in you. From what I notice I can sometimes see it in their eyes whether or not they are interested. I can tell when one isn't because she will just look at me differently. Another is if they seem nervous as well, this might be just because they have anxiety but I am using my own experiences of being nervous around girls I like as something to compare it to. If they look into your eyes for a long time during a conversation or if they fidget around and touch their hair then this might be as well. If you realize that she is interested then it makes it a lot easier because then your not worrying about that and usually she will give you more of a chance then girls who aren't initially interested. I also notice that girls that have a hard time looking you in the eyes might be attracted to you.

The hardest thing beyond these points is trying to maintain a conversation and knowing when to leave. I don't always know what to talk about with girls, around girls that I am not attracted to I can be myself and be funny but then when I am around good looking girls I act more mellow but this is kind of an act because I guess I feel like I can't be myself around them for what ever reason.

I know where your coming from though and am in the same position. My heart starts racing, I feel like I lose control of my hands and legs and act tense. It sucks. My advice is to find out something about the girl(s) you have your eye on and remember it. So the next time you see her you can ask her about it and hopefully that leads to something. Remember it's not only you, she has to open up as well and if she is not willing to do so then that is not your fault.

My advice is try not to anticipate the interaction. I know some people have said to memorize some stuff but then that sounds robotic and fake when you talk to her. If your dreading going and talking to her then forget about it for a few minutes and just walk over and what ever happens happens. Something that helps me is to not be so serious when you say hi. I will usually go up and say hello in a less serious way to try and ease the tension.
 
T

thor01

Well-known member
With great difficulty. But I would try if I had the chance to talk to one I liked, I just don't know any.
 
nephatitus

nephatitus

Well-known member
just generalize like perifidion's comment

the more you complicate it with your own thoughts just treat them like any other person

BOOM probem solved
 
no1

no1

Banned
Banvard said:
I have always thought that speed dating would be a perfect social training tool. Chances are you will make a fool of yourself, but you do not have to know any of them. In addition, the more times you do this, the better you will get.
P.S. I do not follow my own advice.
Click to expand...

What if you you do run into them again in your day to day life? How can I explain my foolishness..

And if all I do is one nighters then you won't learn too much about the more intimate aspects of relationships.
 
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Dodger

Dodger

Well-known member
freestylemonster said:
It seems like you're looking for one of us to give you some sort of magic answer that'll make your fear of talking to girls go away. But trust me, after 3 years of searching "ways to get over shyness/sa" on the internet |I've come to the conclusion that there is no miracle cure.

Sadly, the most effective way to get over your fear of talking to girls is to..well...talk to girls!

There are some ways to maybe make it a bit easier:

-try having fake conversations with girls in your head to practice what you'd say.

-in karate we do this thing called "one step sparring" where one person throws a punch at you and you have to escape and counter. You can do the same thing. Visualize someone saying "hey how's it going" then come up with a bunch of replies that you can say to that. Practice this a lot so the replies become automatic.

hope this helps a bit

:)
Click to expand...

The thing is I get nervous when I practice conversations in my head too.
 
Ashiene

Ashiene

Well-known member
Dress yourself up like a girl, then look at yourself in the mirror and talk to your reflection.
 
Noca

Noca

Banned
Alcohol helps, or try more socially accepted drugs like a prescription of Adderall or Ritalin, they will make talking easy or even come naturally :) Just like a laptop keyboard makes you wanna type, these drugs will make you wanna talk.
 
Dodger

Dodger

Well-known member
I don't know what to do I just need a girl so bad I can't talk to girls at all I don't know what to do.
 
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