How are you feeling?

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
I don't know whether to give myself a wee break from making music. I've been kinda getting back into the way of things with it, lately.
But am kind of worried if ah take even a couple of months oot then ah'll lose the momentum I've got within the last month or so. Also, this last month of activity comes off the back of a 2 hiatus, where ah did nuthin' cuz other things had to be prioritised.

Or should ah just dig my heels in, focus, and just get on? And see anything getting in the way of me making music as a distraction? Well, unless, I have a ticket booked for a concert that I want to go to.

Am just wondering about this, since ah have some difficulty in saying "No" without coming across as a right grumpy arsehole. Basically whenever my sister asks if ah want to get out of the house for a moment, and ah don't want to, I always feel the need to justify my staying in. Ah shouldnae, but that's how it is. And short of me rolling my eyes and going: "Awrite... Fine!", a simple "No" doesn't seem to be enough. Failing that, I'd probably have to have my headphones on, a guitar across ma lap, and actually be recording music to make it obvious that: "Naw ! Am no gan oot the day...".

Being the youngest o' yer immediate family can really suck sometimes...
 

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
Ah wish I had someone in real life that ah could just vent to about how am feelin'. No one in my family seems to care about how am doing, just constantly I have no excuse for feeling how I do. That I've got it easy. Ha! If only...

Also, a few days, my mum said that I don't care about her. Yet it's always me who comes running whenever she asks without complaint. Yet, whenever ask for her help she just automatically assumes something is wrong. Plus, she is still dismissive of me; any time ah suggests something it's immediately labelled "...stupid". And she wonders why I am the way and how I tend to put myself down a lot. It's quite frustrating to realise that your toxic family won't change. Not unless it serves their ego. Constantly gaslighting, refusing to admit or apologise whenever they wrong me. Nah! Just make me out to be the bad yin as per... bloody usual. Cuz standing up for yersel' and asserting what you won't tolerate from yer ain family is bad.
 

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
Truthful...? Not particularly great.

I've wasted a year of my life trying and failing to teach the guitar to one of my family members. Though, that isn't down to me not knowing how to play the guitar.

I don't know how or if I should bother planning out the year ahead (2024)...In terms of potential goals n' achievement ? 🤔

My mother has pretty admitted that the family would fail apart were I just packed up and decide to live on my own. On top of that, I'm the only one who my mum feels she can argue and fall out with and not have brought up again.

But then, I'm not as petty or spiteful as my siblings. I do remember the belittling things said about me, though. I just internalise those – rightly or wrongly. As I rarely, if ever, get an answer when I start asking why something was said or what was meant by it. There's no point... They never listen, believe or even try to understand my perspective.

So, much like "relationships advise" she gave me during my adolescence that wasn't great and left a last impression, my mum feels it's better to rant at me about all the stuff that she should be said to my sisters but is rarely uttered. Because they tend to react like teenagers most o' the time they get criticised or called out on their behaviour. But hey, I'm used to it... Fake a smile, keep the peace n' aw that. 🙄😒 Not exactly great when yer constantly walking on eggshells, but hey-ho!

Also, I'm pretty sure that I've been struggling with situational depression for the last 6, going on 7 years now.
 

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
I'm feeling quite stressed at the moment.

Doing Christmas shopping up until a few days ago isn't great. Next year, I'm going to tell my mum that we're going start get presents ordered a few months earlier.
 

lily

Well-known member
I've been feeling really unhappy, sad and depressed and my head would hurt. When I got home today I felt better and alright basically but when I was outside for some reason my thoughts kept running and I was thinking about something that made me feel really unhappy, sad and depressed and causing me like a stressful response. I feel that God is good to me and I have things or a story to tell but that God isn't as good to me as I'd like Him to be in helping me when I need Him. It can just feel that way like I know there are people who really have a story or stories or things to talk about how God helped or was good to them but it's not like that with me. I guess I could argue that God probably doesn't think I'm trying hard enough. I'm not sure if it's because of the benzodiazepine I'm still on that's causing me a lack of motivation or if it's the anti-psychotic medication I'm still on. I called someone to try to get a resolve and closure in how I've feeling feeling about a matter but I'm not sure if that person will in turn be mean to me and not understanding or non-empathetic so that has given me stress while I was out today, feeling very unhappy, sadness and depression but I did what I felt I had to do and expressed myself. I hope to get consolation from anyone here, for example, @Graeme1988. I hope you're not ignoring me because I talked about God and you didn't want to read the bible. It's up to you but I'd say give it a try. Everyone will have a different experience but Jesus is Lord, God for sure and real. God bless.
 

lily

Well-known member
My mom just told me that I didn't take my medication yesterday night and I am supposed to take it everyday without skipping once I'm on it so maybe that's why I was feeling particularly unwell and unstable today! I hope that was the reason. I'll be speaking to my naturopathic doctor tomorrow in the morning over the phone for my consultation. He is a knowledgeable and experienced doctor who deals with anxiety, depression and schizophrenia so I hope it goes well for me and I get what I need.
 

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
I've been feeling really unhappy, sad and depressed and my head would hurt. When I got home today I felt better and alright basically but when I was outside for some reason my thoughts kept running and I was thinking about something that made me feel really unhappy, sad and depressed and causing me like a stressful response. I feel that God is good to me and I have things or a story to tell but that God isn't as good to me as I'd like Him to be in helping me when I need Him. It can just feel that way like I know there are people who really have a story or stories or things to talk about how God helped or was good to them but it's not like that with me. I guess I could argue that God probably doesn't think I'm trying hard enough. I'm not sure if it's because of the benzodiazepine I'm still on that's causing me a lack of motivation or if it's the anti-psychotic medication I'm still on. I called someone to try to get a resolve and closure in how I've feeling feeling about a matter but I'm not sure if that person will in turn be mean to me and not understanding or non-empathetic so that has given me stress while I was out today, feeling very unhappy, sadness and depression but I did what I felt I had to do and expressed myself. I hope to get consolation from anyone here, for example, @Graeme1988. I hope you're not ignoring me because I talked about God and you didn't want to read the bible. It's up to you but I'd say give it a try. Everyone will have a different experience but Jesus is Lord, God for sure and real. God bless.
Hi lily

Sorry to hear that you're not feeling great at the moment.

I'm not ignoring you, sorry if it felt like that was the case. I do still want to talk to you, it's just I've been having an issue with my internet/broadband and maintaining a secure connection. I'm constantly having to disconnect and reconnect - which is how it's been since around Christmas. I've been getting quite frustrated with it to be honest. So, I've limited my internet use, temporarily. Hopefully, everything will be back running smoothly by the end of the month, since the upgrades to the internet in my area started back in October 2023.

Internet connectivity isn't great when you live in a rural area - or at least, that's my experience anyway.
 

PugofCrydee

You want to know how I got these scars?
My mom just told me that I didn't take my medication yesterday night and I am supposed to take it everyday without skipping once I'm on it so maybe that's why I was feeling particularly unwell and unstable today! I hope that was the reason. I'll be speaking to my naturopathic doctor tomorrow in the morning over the phone for my consultation. He is a knowledgeable and experienced doctor who deals with anxiety, depression and schizophrenia so I hope it goes well for me and I get what I need.
I work closely with people who have different mental illnesses - including schizophrenia - and with those who treat it.
My experience over the last few years has been that even on correct medications and dosages, people can fluctuate in mood and severity of the illness.
It's important to take your meds each day but don't be too upset over missing a single dose.
I hope you're feeling better :)
 

lily

Well-known member
Hi lily

Sorry to hear that you're not feeling great at the moment.

I'm not ignoring you, sorry if it felt like that was the case. I do still want to talk to you, it's just I've been having an issue with my internet/broadband and maintaining a secure connection. I'm constantly having to disconnect and reconnect - which is how it's been since around Christmas. I've been getting quite frustrated with it to be honest. So, I've limited my internet use, temporarily. Hopefully, everything will be back running smoothly by the end of the month, since the upgrades to the internet in my area started back in October 2023.

Internet connectivity isn't great when you live in a rural area - or at least, that's my experience anyway.
Thanks Graeme, Nice to hear from you again. Thanks for letting me know what has been happening. Alright. Take care! Hear from you whenever I can.

I work closely with people who have different mental illnesses - including schizophrenia - and with those who treat it.
My experience over the last few years has been that even on correct medications and dosages, people can fluctuate in mood and severity of the illness.
It's important to take your meds each day but don't be too upset over missing a single dose.
I hope you're feeling better :)
I thought there was a thread last year of how you didn't have a job and that it was too hard for you-- so you got a good job now? If so, that's great! Congratuations! Thank you for your consolataion and advice, Pug. :)
 

PugofCrydee

You want to know how I got these scars?
Thanks Graeme, Nice to hear from you again. Thanks for letting me know what has been happening. Alright. Take care! Hear from you whenever I can.


I thought there was a thread last year of how you didn't have a job and that it was too hard for you-- so you got a good job now? If so, that's great! Congratuations! Thank you for your consolataion and advice, Pug. :)
Not sure where I said it was too hard lol.. as I said, been doing this job for a few years now. Probably the other me said it.
You're welcome.
 
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lily

Well-known member
Not sure where I said it was too hard lol.. as I said, been doing this job for a few years now. Probably the other me said it.
You're welcome.
Oh I'm not sure now. Maybe I remembered it wrong but I thought I got it right, lol. Anyway, I am really happy about that I calculated how long it would take for me to get off my medications gradually and I'll be off all my medications next year!
 
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