Hi, Carolyn:
Are there lessons offered anywhere about becoming a less awkward, more naturally polite person? Yesterday, I was walking my daughter in a stroller when I passed another mother with her baby. She said, “Your daughter is adorable!” I said something like, “Thank you! Today’s her first birthday!” It wasn’t till the other mom was too far away that I realized I probably should have reciprocated with a compliment about her baby’s cuteness.
Things like this — saying the wrong thing or failing to say the obvious right thing — happen to me almost nonstop. How do I become a functioning member of the human race?
Learning to Be Normal
1. Forgive yourself. If you’re uncomfortable in social situations, then your mental energy will go into how you look and speak, which means you’re not putting mental energy into seeing or listening to the other person. It’s not deliberate, it’s just the nature of self-consciousness.
2. “I will ask questions” — that’s the new mantra you adopt. Keep reminding yourself — especially right after you notice someone, but before you start talking. You’ll still goof sometimes, and still be thinking more of the question than the answer at first, but, eventually, asking will become habit.
That habit will free you to worry less and listen more, the latter being the whole point of the reciprocal compliment: saying, essentially, “I’m paying attention to you.”