CakiestCake
Member
Hello there, found out about this site today, after having a very bad day.
So ehmm yeah... after having a lonely day today, I kind of started to think about my past and I got frustrated by it, so hopefully I can write that frustration off my chest on this forum.
I am a 20 year old male from the Netherlands, and I have lived with SA, APD, Gender identity disorder for the past 7 years and Selective eating disorder since I was a born. Eventhough I was always shy, I was kind of popular in elementary school and I actually didn't had much problems. This all changed when I became 13 year old and went to secondary school. I was able to wrestle through the first year but the second year it went wrong. Each morning, I felt a massive pressure on my chest whenever I knew that I had to go to school. Eventually I started skipping classes, I rather stayed in bed fantasizing about how I was a female in a fantasy world, and that I didn't have any issues and how I felt free from any chains. At some point the school attendance officer came and I was forced into therapy for my problems, starting from the 3rd school year.
Each week, I was at the hospital, I got therapy and school there and I slept there for Monday till Friday, Weekends I was at home. After about a year, I started to grow impatient, as I noticed that little changed, so I made up an excuse saying that I felt better and that I wanted to return home. After a lot of discussion, I went home and tried again on my own school, for the 4th year. After 2 months of trying, I was back home again, exactly the same as before. Again I was forced into therapy, at the exact same place for a year. But this time, depression came around, way worse than before, and I turned suicidal. After an attempt at taking my own life, I ended up in the same hospital, but at a different division... The doctors in charge of my therapy treatment declared that it was unsafe for me to be in therapy.
I was sent home and ever since then, the past 3 years, I have been at home. I was declared unfit for work and I did got a pension, but after a while, the loneliness started to kick in, eventhough I have an amazing and understanding family and a close friend. (last one left) And since then I haven't been outside the house much other than birthdays, basically playing videogames and watching soccer all day long...
So yeah, turned out to be a bit of a lenghty of introduction, but I guess this sums up my issues: I am a complete mental mess and I have no clue how to get out of it. I am sorry for any spelling mistakes, I am not used at all to talk about myself haha
Thank you for reading my introduction/life story, hopefully I can make some new friends here
So ehmm yeah... after having a lonely day today, I kind of started to think about my past and I got frustrated by it, so hopefully I can write that frustration off my chest on this forum.
I am a 20 year old male from the Netherlands, and I have lived with SA, APD, Gender identity disorder for the past 7 years and Selective eating disorder since I was a born. Eventhough I was always shy, I was kind of popular in elementary school and I actually didn't had much problems. This all changed when I became 13 year old and went to secondary school. I was able to wrestle through the first year but the second year it went wrong. Each morning, I felt a massive pressure on my chest whenever I knew that I had to go to school. Eventually I started skipping classes, I rather stayed in bed fantasizing about how I was a female in a fantasy world, and that I didn't have any issues and how I felt free from any chains. At some point the school attendance officer came and I was forced into therapy for my problems, starting from the 3rd school year.
Each week, I was at the hospital, I got therapy and school there and I slept there for Monday till Friday, Weekends I was at home. After about a year, I started to grow impatient, as I noticed that little changed, so I made up an excuse saying that I felt better and that I wanted to return home. After a lot of discussion, I went home and tried again on my own school, for the 4th year. After 2 months of trying, I was back home again, exactly the same as before. Again I was forced into therapy, at the exact same place for a year. But this time, depression came around, way worse than before, and I turned suicidal. After an attempt at taking my own life, I ended up in the same hospital, but at a different division... The doctors in charge of my therapy treatment declared that it was unsafe for me to be in therapy.
I was sent home and ever since then, the past 3 years, I have been at home. I was declared unfit for work and I did got a pension, but after a while, the loneliness started to kick in, eventhough I have an amazing and understanding family and a close friend. (last one left) And since then I haven't been outside the house much other than birthdays, basically playing videogames and watching soccer all day long...
So yeah, turned out to be a bit of a lenghty of introduction, but I guess this sums up my issues: I am a complete mental mess and I have no clue how to get out of it. I am sorry for any spelling mistakes, I am not used at all to talk about myself haha
Thank you for reading my introduction/life story, hopefully I can make some new friends here
