Heartbroken

[recluse]

I'm sorry i have to get things of my chest. I'm typing this with tears in my eyes, and a lump in my throat, my heart feels as though it's made of lead.

A girl i had first met in 2008 has told me her true feelings and i can't handle it. She lives abroad so we didn't see each other often. A week ago she told me via text 'not to contact her again' and to 'stay away', she then apologised and this Sat i sent her text asking why she said these things; 'I wanted to see how you feel' was the answer. Anyway i told her that she had hurt me.

Yesterday she sent me this message;

'I sent you that message yesterday bcos i want to be honest. I really like you and i would love to have a boyfriend like u, no one has ever cared for me like you have but you love me more than i love you. I'm sorry but i can't help it.'

I sent her reply saying that being rejected was a story of my life and she told me i have to be strong. She said i have nice eyes, i asked her what was wrong with the rest of me;

'I like your eyes, hair, and character, i really do. But you deserve someone better than me, someone who will make you happy'

That was the last message, i have hardly slept because i can't stop going over and over the messages and i can't concentrate. Right now i am struggling to find a reason to go on as i can't find anything positive in my life; Unemployed, no friends, 30 years old never had a girlfriend still a virgin, still living with parents.

I feel i have wasted years going nowhere and pursuing this girl, i feel a fool.

Can somone give me a reason to go on?

 

[MrJones]

'But you deserve someone better than me, someone who will make you happy'

Does she make you happy?

I don't understand women (or anyone, really) but if she feels she's not good enough and you feel she is, and that you are happy together, I don't see a reason why end up the love story. Try to prove her there is no one better than her and that she makes you happy and you can make her happy too (if that's the case and you haven't already).


Other reasons to go on... I guess there is always hope. Or so I like to think. Things can get better in the future, you never know, so you can't give up.

Good luck.

PS: Don't pay too much attention to what I say, I am awful with relationships.

 

[Remus]

Meet up and see how it goes.

 

[schist]

Forget about her, and move on.

There will always be girls like that - girls you're almost positive you have a chance with/chemistry with, but basically friend-zone you at the last minute. It's life. It's a pain in the arse.

 

[Lea]

If someone says "you deserve someone better than me", then they are just politely saying "I don´t wanna be with you, idiot". Even though it´s not true for me, in case I say this to someone, I usually mean it...

This girl seems like she doesn´t know what she wants and is playing with your feelings only. It´s strange that despite having known you for such a long time she hasn´t made up her mind earlier.

I´d guess she was only with you because of some comfort that you gave her, but wasn´t really that much into you, in order to bother to build a real relationship.

 

[Ms Cloud]

She lives abroad so we didn't see each other often.

Maybe she met someone else. It often goes like this, especially in long-distance relationships. You meet someone, you build up their confidence by showing them affection, and once their confidence is restored it enables them to go out there and play the field. The only consolation is that this is very common. Other than that, there's always a chance she'll come back to you later, if things don't work out with whoever else. That also happens quite a lot. If I were you though, I wouldn't wait around. She seems pretty shallow.

 

[tovoxy]

No matter how hard it sounds but you gotta get over her. Find someone else. Just don't waste your time on this, coz its what i did and now i regret about it.

 

[phantastica]

I feel i have wasted years going nowhere and pursuing this girl, i feel a fool.

Can somone give me a reason to go on?

hey recluse. i'm sorry to hear what happened to you. don't feel like a fool or like you've wasted your time. you tried, that is always a good thing. now, it didn't work out, which sure is not just sad but simply heart-wrenching and brings up more emotions than one thinks one can handle. you can get over it. some day there will be some color again where now there's just black.
hang in there and try to be nice to yourself.

 

[Sora]

Not really sure what to say but from reading this it feels to me like she thinks your too good for her and like she has done some things she isn't proud of or that she might make a mistake with you if she gets with you and she doesn't want to hurt you.

I really don't know that could just be one thing, she could not mean this, it's just one theory I get from reading it. I said to my ex (when I was actually going out with her) "You are my world, without you it is pointless" I would love to hear that from someone but she didn't, she hurt me without meaning to, to that she simply said "Aww don't say that, it's not nice!" URGH lol tons of memories just came rushing back now, women can be bizarre, you can say something to one and they will love it, say it to another and they will be the opposite. I found it hard to believe the reaction she gave me for this because she used to be paranoid I would leave her, and it felt like she was this way with me, I don't know what happened I think I got weak and developed this paranoid sense of me leaving her but instead she got over it, and I developed her leaving me and she did.

I can tell you one thing though my world is still going! even when I thought she was it. You somehow manage to go on and you somehow find another reason to live. There is still hope and you will find it. You need to focus on you right now and do what makes you happy, if you can't be happy alone doing the things you want to then you will never be happy. Of course these are just my opinions but I hope this helps.

DON'T EVER GIVE UP, FOR THAT IS WHEN ALL HOPE IS LOST AND THERE IS NO REASON TO LIVE, YOU HAVE TO FIGHT TO BE HAPPY! No one said life was going to be easy! and an easy life would not be worth living. There is a quote I love and it is this: "life asks of you what it thinks you can handle". In other words you can handle this, you are stronger than you think! Don't give in no matter how bad it seems!

 

[Etbow23]

I know exactly how you feel :[

A couple years ago when I was 17 I fell madly in love with this boy named mario. it was so stupid. A lot of times he'd sneak into my window at night and then a week would pass and I wouldn't hear from him, and I couldn't call him because he didn't pay for his phone. and then he'd call a week later like it was nothing. Sometimes he'd meet me outside this job at a fast food place i worked at then and we'd lie out back in the grass and smoke cigarettes. Stuff like that . lol. And I would just be dreaming about him constantly even though he was just a player and i was too naive at the time to know it. When he told me once on the phone that he was trash and i should just find another, then hung up on me, i cried so hard i thought i was gna lose my eyes. i couldn't stop thinking about him. I was so sad i even cut myself over him. god i can't imagine doing that now over some idiot. time passed on and eventually i forgot about him (well not completely, but to the point where it didn't hurt so much)...sometimes he'd call my number in the middle of the night here and there and leave weird messages, then i changed my number and time healed my wounds.

Then about half a year ago i saw him at the grocery store and he started talking to me. this was bad because i have a real boyfriend now who cares about me and would never use me or abandon me like that. Abandonment is so hard for me because i've been abandoned many times in my life, first by my father and then it was like a domino effect. It has made me desperate; trying to avoid being abandoned.

We talked and i told him i had a boyfriend but like an idiot i gave him my number when he asked and said he wanted to "be friends", and "had a girlfriend" though he "didn't like her". God he's such an idiot. One day we met up and drove around and talked, and after that i felt like if i talked to him i would be emotionally cheating on my boyfriend and cheating myself for associating with a person who had played w my emotions so much. i tink he tried to text me but i never responded and haven't had contact since.


Anyways that was sort of a long post. My point is that time will heal what you're feeling now. I know that might not help much but i know how you feel, it hurts so bad and i just want to let you know you'll be okay. Also try to find something you like about yourself. Others know when someone doesn't like him or herself, it turns people away. Lately i've been trying to avoid negative talk, whether it be criticizing others, myself or just in general complaining. I think it has a negative effect on me, and it turns other people away because they dont want to listen to someone complain or put themselves or others down all the time. I notice though when i'm positive people seem to like me more (at least the other positive people)

 

[Etbow23]

If someone says "you deserve someone better than me", then they are just politely saying "I don´t wanna be with you, idiot". Even though it´s not true for me, in case I say this to someone, I usually mean it...

This girl seems like she doesn´t know what she wants and is playing with your feelings only. It´s strange that despite having known you for such a long time she hasn´t made up her mind earlier.

I´d guess she was only with you because of some comfort that you gave her, but wasn´t really that much into you, in order to bother to build a real relationship.

True; the girl was politely saying go away. She said it better the first time; even though it stung and was mean as anythng at least she was honest.

 

[Felgen]

I know this is hard now, but try to get over it. By acting too nice to her, she'll just use you for an emotional tampon.

 

[MikeyC]

Time heals all wounds, mate. It may seem like a tough road right now but before you know it you will heal. Trust me on this. I was heartbroken 3 years ago and the emotional cuts do heal...it just takes a little while.

I know exactly how you feel :[

A couple years ago when I was 17 I fell madly in love with this boy named mario. it was so stupid. A lot of times he'd sneak into my window at night and then a week would pass and I wouldn't hear from him, and I couldn't call him because he didn't pay for his phone. and then he'd call a week later like it was nothing. Sometimes he'd meet me outside this job at a fast food place i worked at then and we'd lie out back in the grass and smoke cigarettes. Stuff like that . lol. And I would just be dreaming about him constantly even though he was just a player and i was too naive at the time to know it. When he told me once on the phone that he was trash and i should just find another, then hung up on me, i cried so hard i thought i was gna lose my eyes. i couldn't stop thinking about him. I was so sad i even cut myself over him. god i can't imagine doing that now over some idiot. time passed on and eventually i forgot about him (well not completely, but to the point where it didn't hurt so much)...sometimes he'd call my number in the middle of the night here and there and leave weird messages, then i changed my number and time healed my wounds.

Then about half a year ago i saw him at the grocery store and he started talking to me. this was bad because i have a real boyfriend now who cares about me and would never use me or abandon me like that. Abandonment is so hard for me because i've been abandoned many times in my life, first by my father and then it was like a domino effect. It has made me desperate; trying to avoid being abandoned.

We talked and i told him i had a boyfriend but like an idiot i gave him my number when he asked and said he wanted to "be friends", and "had a girlfriend" though he "didn't like her". God he's such an idiot. One day we met up and drove around and talked, and after that i felt like if i talked to him i would be emotionally cheating on my boyfriend and cheating myself for associating with a person who had played w my emotions so much. i tink he tried to text me but i never responded and haven't had contact since.

Damn, that's quite a story. We always learn the hard way about things, don't we?