Having A Problem Finding Job References

[theoutsider]

My Social Anxiety is beginning to catch up with me in a way I didn't really see coming. Before, I used to be more outgoing and had no problem coming up with people to use as references on applications for new jobs. Now, since I have become a lot more withdrawn, I haven't made many close friends from previous jobs. This is a problem now because most jobs that I apply for request at least 3 work references. I have 2 people who I can still use somewhat reasonably. The 3rd person is an old, OLD supervisor who I worked for a really long time ago. The last time I used her and the company called her, I felt really bad. She must be wondering what's wrong with me that I keep using her after so long. I felt so bad that I sent her a present and some chocolates. I don't know what to do about my continuing shrinking pool of friends. I guess I better try harder at making friends at work. :sad:

Has this become a problem for any of you?

 

[jaim38]

Yes I have this problem too and it's embarassing! Many years ago when I applied to volunteer at a local hospital, I used my best friend (who I've known since childhood) as a reference but the volunteer coordinator called and said I need to list another one because she lives in another state. So, guess who I used? My classmate's mom! OMG, it was so embarassing. I didn't think the volunteer coordinator would actually CALL, but she did! So my classmate's mom called my mom and asked what the heck was going on. And get this: I never met or spoke to my classmate's mom in person.

Several years ago, I applied to volunteer at another hospital. I used another childhood friend (who I barely kept in touch with) as a reference. She must have realized I don't have any friends so had to resort to using her.

 

[mikebird]

Always the biggest hurdle.

It's nice to feel I'm not the only one suffering. I don't make many friends in offices. I assist the boss only, and ignore the rest. Work refs are strictly bosses. My first paranoia of being between work got me to obtain signed, printed statements from the boss on leaving. They always got me to write all of it - their praise and the dates... They signed. Some are a bit old now. I have to push myself to promote myself. Sometimes I say in interview the person would be a better boss than previous ones.

Not one employer who sees any good in me, and wants to get rid of me ASAP

There are subtle ways around it. I hate to resort to lies as the only way to start work. My first three jobs led to early expulsion as if I was no good.
That got me to realise it was the end of me forever. Entirely social and a lack of smile and jollity.

Needing at least 2 'references' as the old-fashioned culture has no logic or grasp of reality.

Recruiters are: LAZY & STUPID. it takes some luck that when you supply the references they 'don't contact them' and rest on you being brave enough to give the details. They get lost in their own embarrassment of failure if their client lose trust in them. I did complain about overusing and going on to previous employers, who would never use their agency if they hassle a candidate's previous employer.

A manufactured society where sales and customers and loyalty lead to a lack of profit

My principles are that a company advertises a job but have no idea what they want. They pay a recruiter to sift out anyone who doesn't display jollity in their attitude, while the person would only be determined to start if they were fully capable. I'm sure there's a spiral of people who try but can't perform, so CVs would always contain lies? The dreamland of references... Who do people lose jobs and get banned? Because the employer is bad to them. The employer want to extract the maximum amount of effort and time from staff and pay the littlest. Told not to say anything bad about your previous employer? Love all round. There is a bigger scale of loss in the world than just an individual.

One gradual loss seems to build over time. Respect should be awarded

Each new encounter makes me willing to act jolly and act as they want.

 

[Richey]

It can be tricky if previous managers have changed jobs, or if contacting them becomes difficult. It's also just generally uncomfortable because you don't just list them, you must also let them know that they may be called prior to using them as references. You then need to remind them of some of the qualities you possessed, especially if you worked with them a long time ago and their memories are hazy.

There are also issues where finding glowing references just isn't easy or feasible because workplaces can be so unique to each industry and every work relationship is different.

So, it is probably the hardest parts of job searching for anyone that may be mild mannered.

I've tried contacting several references in the past but most had moved on.

So my advice for most people is to ask for written references before you leave a job. Or make sure you do actually, genuinely keep up to date with your reference choice. At least a couple of times a year.

But that isn't always feasible, because everywhere is different.

So my answer is that it is not an easy process for a lot of people. But with a lot of work you can at least find one and hopefully a second one.

If you ever become friends or have close colleagues, always offer them to be one and ask for one in return, nicely.

You have to warn them that you've listed them as a reference otherwise they will be caught off guard if called and that's if they remember you, if the job was years ago.

Also, if you list friends. Remember that the questions will be related to work situations and scenarios.

But I don't know, you said that you already have 2 and a 3rd. So it looks like you are doing really well. If you are in a situation where you are sending gifts to your references, you are probably going about things confidentally.

 

[Section_31]

This is bad but,

I paid alibi network to be references for me. Yes, it was a lie. A big one. But I literally had no choice at the time as I'd always quit previous jobs without notice and burned my bridges. But it got me where I needed to be. And since then I swore I'm never doing that again. I've worked hard to have ppl now that I know I could depend on for that. But I was desperate at the time.

 

[laure15]

Sometimes I say in interview the person would be a better boss than previous ones.

That's a big no-no! Avoiding badmouthing your previous bosses during interviews.

Told not to say anything bad about your previous employer? Love all round. There is a bigger scale of loss in the world than just an individual.

It's better to keep any negative feelings to yourself, at least for the interview. At home you could vent as much as you want.

This is bad but, I paid alibi network to be references for me.

I didn't know such networks exist...but I bet they're pricy, maybe $120 per reference.

 

[Section_31]

That's a big no-no! Avoiding badmouthing your previous bosses during interviews.



It's better to keep any negative feelings to yourself, at least for the interview. At home you could vent as much as you want.



I didn't know such networks exist...but I bet they're pricy, maybe $120 per reference.

Oh ya they're not cheap. But at the time worth every penny. They have me a very professional fake letter if recommendation, had someone answer a provided phone number using the boss name I told then to, it was smooth and perfect.

That says, it would have been do much easier if I'd conducted myself in a more professional manner at my previous jobs. I learned a big expensive lesson there.

 

[Thelema]

I was listening to some prank calls where people would randomly call someone on another person's friends list on Facebook and ask them for a job reference--they'd tell them the other person put them down as a former boss and asked them about it. The funny thing was all the people lied and went on about how great an employee they were when they obviously never worked for them.

 

[theoutsider]

That's a big no-no! Avoiding badmouthing your previous bosses during interviews.



It's better to keep any negative feelings to yourself, at least for the interview. At home you could vent as much as you want.

Totally agree. Never bring negativity into an interview. The potential employer will most likely only see you as someone who doesn't get along well with others.

 

[lurknomore]

This is one of the many reasons I haven't applied for a new/better job in a couple of years despite completing my education that could/should land me a job earning quite a bit more than I am now between 2 jobs. I make absolutely no connections whatsoever, and the references asked for on many applications ask for people that aren't related to you and were not past supervisors, not that I have a whole lot of those to put down anyway. I've more or less given up on job hunting, it's way too daunting and stressful for me.

 

[mikebird]

Some may not be picky about references and let you make a start without all these prerequisites. We all have our own preferences and it's for employers who get bad applicants the learn to stay away from. Try to get muster some rapport. Plead?

It's a bit new to me.

I'm chasing a new delivery job in the west; all correspondence is by email so far. She might not like it. I asked if they provided the vehicle and wasn't surprised by a negative response. She said "I'm not made of money"

Driving around in my old car is what I've been doing to get to interview for a long time. It's good to be ready for any new location

 

[theoutsider]

Hi guys! Just wanted to update this thread with somewhat of a solution/helpful hint for future job references. Since starting this thread I have begun making it a point of telling co-workers who are leaving the company or who I know are searching that if they would like a reference, they can always use me as one. I tell them that I will be happy to provide a GREAT reference for them. Most are so grateful that I offered, they immediately reciprocate by offering the same. I then exchange contact information with them and, Viola! I now have more than the usual three required references if needed. I hope this helps someone else out. Try it, it works!

 

[nicole1]

How did you overcome this and get a job?

This is great news, and it addresses something I always worry about.

 

[lilmutegirl]

I have had this issue as well, but I now have quite a decent-sized cache of former employers/coworkers I can use as references. Hopefully, I will make a good impression on some of my grad school professors and can add them as well.

As someone who has been used as a reference on multiple occasions, I have only been contacted 3 times to provide information. Many of the people who have used me as a reference tell me after the fact, and if they hadn't, I would have had no clue.

 

[theoutsider]

How did you overcome this and get a job?

This is great news, and it addresses something I always worry about.

Back in 2013 when I first started this thread I was searching, using mainly the two old references I mentioned. I gambled and contacted another previous supervisor who I'd worked with more recently. She gave me a good reference but there was a catch. Turns out she was good friends with someone who worked at the company I applied to. Once I got the job, she and her friend were constantly communicating with each other with him giving her updates on how I was getting along. I hated that! It made me wish I'd never contacted her. It just made me more uncomfortable. I'm still here though and things seem to have worked out okay.