"Hanging out" / "socializing" with people bores me to bits

[AaronAgassi]

You say you all so loath hanging out, but what are you doing right now in this very thread? Why, you are all "sharing" like in some bogus support group! You are exchanging consensual validation. Bah, humbug! Let's get serious about what is a crucially serious issue. What exactly are we talking about? What do we hope to accomplish?

 

[Daniel089]

I absolutely agree. But in the same time I remember some great moments with my former high school classmates (dudes) we were laughing so hard at anything (mostly men stuff) we were talking about and we weren't even drunk or something, but that was at least 5 years ago, I didn't even hang out with them just very rarely. I would enjoy laughing with others on random topics in social life.
In the future, I think we have to talk more in a group of people, in that way we'll might just feel how great it is. Since I cannot foresee myself in a club dancing with girls, partying all night long in a disco, (because that wouldn't be me) I'd rather imagine myself in a bar or a pub chatting with others about random stuff. But the usual topic is irritating me, everyone's talking about where they been, how great was the party, how drunk they got, what big hangover they had to endure, etc... I am completely an alien to that topic so I would be confused in a situation like that...

 

[WeirdyMcGee]

This is an old post...

But if you're not feeling engaged by the conversation or activity you are doing with people-- you're doing it wrong.
Figure out what you like to do and do that with people you enjoy being around.
Talk about things that interest you with people who interest you.
That's the trick.
It makes sense you'd be bored if you're not doing anything that stimulates your mind - While some people like sitting around doing nothing; others like to go out and play sports or loiter or eat food together. You have to do things you like with people you like in order to have it feel worthwhile.

 

[Feathers]

^^ totally agree!!

Yeah, I hate 'meaningless' 'hanging out' but if it has a meaning and a purpose beyond 'just hanging' it can be really good!!

eg reconnection with an old friend to find out how she's doing, making plans of world domination - err, changing the world to be a better place together or being at an interesting event etc can be both COOL & may include interesting things to do/talk about...

If you like talking about pterosaurs (?) then by all means, join a pterosauro-loving society or p-appreciation society! Some people feel more comfortable in labs or work settings, some in bars... it's not prohibited to talk about a number of interesting and meaningful topics in ANY of those places, ya know??

PS I LOVE dancing too! Please don't hate me!

 

[theslowesthand]

I'm starting to think that maybe we're just too highly-strung, not relaxed enough, to enjoy some of the "smaller" things in life - such as gaining benefits/pleasure from real-world socialising. If were more relaxed & laid-back, then maybe we could be truly relaxed in the company of others, and so experience it more as "normal" people do when with people?

Being on this site, we are gaining the needed social interaction (even if is still practically none), but since we are comfort of own home & alone, we are able to ALSO be more relaxed (which we wouldn't be if were around people in-the-flesh)

 

[Foxface]

This is an old post...

But if you're not feeling engaged by the conversation or activity you are doing with people-- you're doing it wrong.
Figure out what you like to do and do that with people you enjoy being around.
Talk about things that interest you with people who interest you.
That's the trick.
It makes sense you'd be bored if you're not doing anything that stimulates your mind - While some people like sitting around doing nothing; others like to go out and play sports or loiter or eat food together. You have to do things you like with people you like in order to have it feel worthwhile.

The problem is, I don't know where to start. I don't have the same interests as most people. They think it's weird, such as Naturism, Autism etc.

I tread carefully, becuase I often say things I shouldn't, which is common for Aspies. I'm not sure what, but I get ignored or blocked often. Thanks anyway.

 

[mikebird]

It is an American phase with no meaning

= 'whatever', a'rite?

a particular dance / wiggle... animalistic

I like expressions with more

 

[NaomiV]

I get where you are coming from. If it's just "small talk" with someone that I don't really feel any connection to, then it gets boring real quick. I especially hate it when people just wanna talk about clothing, the weather and whatnot. I find that I genuinely enjoy talking and hanging out when it's just with one or two people and we are talking about personal/deep stuff or we are talking about how things are going in our lives. It's perfectly fine to not enjoy spending time with certain people or talking about boring topics. Doesn't mean there's something wrong with you. Perhaps you just need to find people with similar ideals/interests. Also, sometimes you have to do stuff that's boring every once in a while because you value a relationship/friendship. All relationships/friendships are gonna have some give and take.

 

[anomicdeer]

Look for meet up groups for hiking or something.

 

[IGotSeoul]

I had to identify this at one point.

There's a clear difference within the blurred line between one who doesn't socialize (via frequent hanging out, small talk, parties) because they're not interested and one who doesn't socialize because they're afraid to.

 

[Sacrament]

it's all one big waste of time and we (or I) don't need it.

Of course we do, humans are social creatures just like any other animal. Sure, anxiety and other negative states of mind make you think you don't need people, but that's just you convincing yourself you don't need anyone as a coping mechanism.

When my anxiety levels are low, I enjoy spending time with others. I enjoy making other people laugh and be interested in what I have to say. When I'm anxious, sure, the fight or flight response keeps telling me to just leave and tries to give me all sorts of reasons why I should be annoyed or not want any of it.

 

[AaronAgassi]

Phobia does not have to be fear. Phobia is aversion. And we all seem to share an alienated aversion to pointlessly hanging out. Nevertheless, can any of this be called: introversion, considering how animated we all become towards any passionate interest? But yes, we are "sharing" and seeking consensual validation. Enough already! Let's stop "sharing"! Why not call for a purposeful agenda? Find mine at: convivial creativity - original & in-depth my anti-"hanging out" website!

Fake-fun be damned! Serious action begins from serious conversation. Relationship arises only as a byproduct of purposeful interaction and substantive communication. Happy people talk more seriously together, freely, and with less small talk, deliberating Dialectically in critical controversy, with civility as autonomous equals. Happiness comes in meeting ones needs for capable interaction with responsible others.

 

[kihira]

Of course we do, humans are social creatures just like any other animal. Sure, anxiety and other negative states of mind make you think you don't need people, but that's just you convincing yourself you don't need anyone as a coping mechanism.

I can enjoy socializing - especially with the right people - but I never, ever feel a longing or need to be around other people. More often I will crave solitude and seldom get enough of that . I am not a social person, and its nothing to do with coping mechanisms. I'm sure the "humans are social creatures" tag applies to many or most, but that's just just the extroverts' view of the world which has no insight into introvertedness.

 

[bsammy]

I really get what your saying and its definitely a "price to pay", to socialize or not. Eventually you'll have to get used to it if you want to be around people. No matter how awkward you feel.

for people like us, its a big 'price to pay' but for normals, i believe they truly enjoy it or else they wouldnt seek it out as often as they do..besides, when im around people i can FEEL or sense that they strongly enjoy talking to me and others..yet i very rarely get anything out of it besides drained..

i think our natural 'reward' is off for people like us and then u factor in anxiety and it seems almost counter productive for us to engage in that activity..

 

[bsammy]

I agree with most people here. Socializing is tough, but I've been doing it more often lately on the off-chance I might meet someone...no luck so far...not by any measurable standard.

Here's a prime example of pointless socializing:

Some of my co-workers (25 people invited, only 6 consistently go) go out EVERY Thursday for wings and beer after work...I've come out to two of them so far and I've truly run out of ideas as to what to talk about with them at these things, and they put no conscious effort into talking about anything meaningful, so I just don't go anymore.

lol ive been in this situation several times, too many times..i mean, especially with co workers, i am around them all day and i run out of things to talk to them about at work so why would i want to go out after work and socialize more!?!i do feel a little twnge of guilt when i reject a co workers invitation out to lunch but i just have nothing worthwhile to talk about and you know what i generally hear out of them?they usually complain about their boss or girlfriends or tell me about what a **** this or that person is..why do i want to hear about this again?thats right, i dont..

 

[Megaten]

Small talk does seem pretty pointless. There's unwritten rules as to whats fair game for conversation with a lot of people, and diverging from that results in social awkwardness. Complaining about jobs and girlfriends seems to be fair game because thats something a great deal of people have in common. I want to talk about who would win in a fist fight between the Hulk and Superman, but then again not everyone is into that.

 

[Sacrament]

I think the whole boredom thing is not necessarily because we're actually bored, but because anxiety makes us bitter and cynical, and therefore we get impatient/angry/etc. We're angry at the anxiety and how uncomfortable we're feeling, and that presents itself as us feeling those things towards the other people. I doubt we'd feel that supposed boredom if we felt no anxiety.

 

[Megaten]

I dont know about that. When Im anxious, boredom is the last thing Im feeling.

 

[PugofCrydee]

I dont really enjoy 'hanging out'.

I much prefer to be doing something - especially when I'm with others

 

[bsammy]

I dont really enjoy 'hanging out'.

I much prefer to be doing something - especially when I'm with others

try getting others to understand this is very difficult in my experience..they just cant grasp why i cant enjoy just sitting and talking to them for hours on end..