Getting bullied by younger sister

[PugofCrydee]

What would you suggest, rick james?...errrr...gandalf....how would you de-escalate the situation without making it worse in the process and someone calling the police?

>_>


is it something along the lines of: MORE domestic violence to deal with the problematic domestic violence that is already occurring ?

What's with the name calling? You think you're a tough guy over the internet?.. did you even read my last post?? Let alone contemplate it? This is not YOUR thread. Someone asked for advice and anyone is allowed to give it. It's just 'advice'.

Whatever dude. If you can't deal with it when someone has a different opinion on a public forum then maybe you should quit. Pathetic.

Defending yourself against an attacker in your own home is NOT domestic violence.

 

[AtTheGates]

What's with the name calling? You think you're a tough guy over the internet?.. did you even read my last post?? Let alone contemplate it? This is not YOUR thread. Someone asked for advice and anyone is allowed to give it. It's just 'advice'.

Whatever dude. If you can't deal with it when someone has a different opinion on a public forum then maybe you should quit. Pathetic.

Defending yourself against an attacker in your own home is NOT domestic violence.

dude you have a picture of gandalf with a rick james quote on it about cocaine...what do you want me to say?..thats just literally what you're avatar is.


I was trying to give this guy good advice and as soon as a I said it you replied to this thread dismantling every piece of the advice in favor for a far worse solution. You even suggested that the OP is "not a man" ... wtf


im not arguing with you over it any further .

 

[jamesyy]

She choked me out again last night, even though I was paying her to leave me alone. She threatened to choke me out again if I didn't lick her feet, not proud but I did it.

I've really reached the limits of the abuse I can take. My aunt is letting me stay with her for a night (can't be long-term), I'm not going back to that house I'd rather live on the streets. If I see my sister again, I'm going to punch her.

 

[FountainandFairfax]

Bite her feet off.

 

[LoyalXenite]

Because of the age gap it does make things more difficult, add into that the genders it can make it harder to prove that you're actually the victim and not the aggressor. In my opinion I think it would be best if you could set up some sort of camera to film an incident then take that to the authorities and write a report, then take that report and tell her if she does it again you will press assault charges. If you cant film it then photograph or physically show the police the resulting injuries and marks.

Otherwise, if you dont want to take legal action, does she have any phobias or something like that that you can use against her?

 

[jamesyy]

Because of the age gap it does make things more difficult, add into that the genders it can make it harder to prove that you're actually the victim and not the aggressor. In my opinion I think it would be best if you could set up some sort of camera to film an incident then take that to the authorities and write a report, then take that report and tell her if she does it again you will press assault charges. If you cant film it then photograph or physically show the police the resulting injuries and marks.

Otherwise, if you dont want to take legal action, does she have any phobias or something like that that you can use against her?

Phobias? Why, are you trying to get her to join the site? Just a joke, spiders I guess. Can't see how that would be useful though.

That's not a bad idea, but I definitely wouldn't take legal action wouldn't my parents get in trouble instead of her? Maybe I can show my parents the recording though, I'm sure they would take it more seriously if they didn't think of her as their innocent little daughter.

I guess I have to go back to the house tomorrow so should be plenty of content for the camera.

 

[AtTheGates]

Phobias? Why, are you trying to get her to join the site? Just a joke, spiders I guess. Can't see how that would be useful though.

That's not a bad idea, but I definitely wouldn't take legal action wouldn't my parents get in trouble instead of her? Maybe I can show my parents the recording though, I'm sure they would take it more seriously if they didn't think of her as their innocent little daughter.

I guess I have to go back to the house tomorrow so should be plenty of content for the camera.

filming it is the best idea heard iv heard YET. get one of those small hidden camera's and then just let her get violent like she always does . dont provoke it, just let her do what she does..and when it happens dont fight back...let the camera see how violent she really is toward you..maybe film 2-3 incidents of this like this just to build up a body of evidence . also the fact the she is extorting money from you would also be important to note...but again, dont provoke her or coerce her into doing ANY of this . Just let the camera run.

(word of warning though: do NOT put that camera in a place where it can accidentally film her changing clothes/getting into the shower or ANYTHING like that or I guarantee they'll put your head on the chopping block, figuratively speaking. DO NOT catch her on film doing something like that or you'e pretty much done for. Just saying.)


The problem with filing charges though is she's below the age of criminal responsibility ..but that doesnt mean she cant still be dealt with by the law.

what would possibly happen is social services would come in there and access the situation. ..because of the fact that she's a minor She could possibly be removed from the household for an indefinite period of time by the state. If they decide that she is juvenile delinquent then that may very well happen but that is a huge deal and shouldn't be taken lightly..



in general though, that would be a last resort.


after you film her attacking you, choking you out, strangling you, etc.. the first thing you should do is save the video file to your computer or some type of cloud computing service.


...Then show the video to your parents and say something like "This is whats really going on..if you dont do something about this im going to take steps toward having social services deal with it instead"


https://www.healthychildren.org/Eng.../Pages/When-a-Teenager-is-Out-of-Control.aspx

https://www.netmums.com/coffeehouse...about-domestic-violence-very-worried-all.html

 

[LoyalXenite]

Phobias? Why, are you trying to get her to join the site? Just a joke, spiders I guess. Can't see how that would be useful though.

That's not a bad idea, but I definitely wouldn't take legal action wouldn't my parents get in trouble instead of her? Maybe I can show my parents the recording though, I'm sure they would take it more seriously if they didn't think of her as their innocent little daughter.

I guess I have to go back to the house tomorrow so should be plenty of content for the camera.

Your parents wouldnt get in trouble unless her behaviour was as a result of their actions. It is possible that she would get legally required to go to anger management programs and things like that (depends on where you are from and what there is )

 

[jamesyy]

filming it is the best idea heard iv heard YET. get one of those small hidden camera's and then just let her get violent like she always does . dont provoke it, just let her do what she does..and when it happens dont fight back...let the camera see how violent she really is toward you..maybe film 2-3 incidents of this like this just to build up a body of evidence . also the fact the she is extorting money from you would also be important to note...but again, dont provoke her or coerce her into doing ANY of this . Just let the camera run.

(word of warning though: do NOT put that camera in a place where it can accidentally film her changing clothes/getting into the shower or ANYTHING like that or I guarantee they'll put your head on the chopping block, figuratively speaking. DO NOT catch her on film doing something like that or you'e pretty much done for. Just saying.)


The problem with filing charges though is she's below the age of criminal responsibility ..but that doesnt mean she cant still be dealt with by the law.

what would possibly happen is social services would come in there and access the situation. ..because of the fact that she's a minor She could possibly be removed from the household for an indefinite period of time by the state. If they decide that she is juvenile delinquent then that may very well happen but that is a huge deal and shouldn't be taken lightly..



in general though, that would be a last resort.


after you film her attacking you, choking you out, strangling you, etc.. the first thing you should do is save the video file to your computer or some type of cloud computing service.


...Then show the video to your parents and say something like "This is whats really going on..if you dont do something about this im going to take steps toward having social services deal with it instead"


https://www.healthychildren.org/Eng.../Pages/When-a-Teenager-is-Out-of-Control.aspx

https://www.netmums.com/coffeehouse...about-domestic-violence-very-worried-all.html

Good news, I got a recording! I've got clear footage of her alternating between stomping on my face and treading on my neck causing me to pass out. And again of being forced to lick her feet. The footage clearly shows her starting the altercation with no provocation and just her being a general bitch.

I need to think really hard before filing a report though, I need to weigh up the pros and cons of doing so it's a big decision. I've got a tiny concern, it's probably just me being paranoid but is it possible that the police could see it as a weird pedo/incest foot fetish thing? I say this because I'm aware that licking feet is big among people who engage in foot fetishes. Could the police suspect that I used choreography or something? If there was even a slight chance of that happening, I wouldn't file a report. I can only imagine how bad that situation would turn out.

What's more likely is, I'll show my parents and they'll have to do something. It's easy to ignore something you're told about it's a lot harder to ignore actually seeing it for themselves.

Thank you so much by the way, I really didn't have anywhere else to turn to for advice. I appreciate the help and the lack of judgement.

 

[AtTheGates]

Good news, I got a recording! I've got clear footage of her alternating between stomping on my face and treading on my neck causing me to pass out. And again of being forced to lick her feet. The footage clearly shows her starting the altercation with no provocation and just her being a general bitch.

I need to think really hard before filing a report though, I need to weigh up the pros and cons of doing so it's a big decision. I've got a tiny concern, it's probably just me being paranoid but is it possible that the police could see it as a weird pedo/incest foot fetish thing? I say this because I'm aware that licking feet is big among people who engage in foot fetishes. Could the police suspect that I used choreography or something? If there was even a slight chance of that happening, I wouldn't file a report. I can only imagine how bad that situation would turn out.

What's more likely is, I'll show my parents and they'll have to do something. It's easy to ignore something you're told about it's a lot harder to ignore actually seeing it for themselves.

Thank you so much by the way, I really didn't have anywhere else to turn to for advice. I appreciate the help and the lack of judgement.

well its GOOD that you got a recording because now you have PROOF of whats going on. Hopefully this situation between you and her can be put to a stop once and for all because clearly its gotten out of hand.

BUT i think maybe you see now why I recommended in GENERAL (meaning from now on) that you should not engage in any further physical altercations with her. When things get physical , it can easily get out of hand and escalate/spiral downward and out of control. Iv seen it too many times .


You really should NOT have licked her feet because YES they might possibly look at that as if it has some kind of sexual connotation. Im not a psychologist or a professional in THAT particular sense but I think its clear at this point that there is something very wrong with her and you should take that into consideration . she needs professional help. There is something seriously strange about her forcing you to lick her feet. I really think she needs to see a psychologist and , as someone else recommended, possibly for anger management among other things . Your parents probably should have already addressed that issue . Its unfortunate if they haven't.


like I said though, do not touch her. EVER. Do not ENGAGE in any kind of physical altercation with her. It sounds like this situation has become a bit odd and im sorry that you are being treated this way by your own sibling . Do your very best to stay away from her.


I'd recommend that you NOT take anymore video ..you already have the proof that you need to show to your parents of her strange/violent behavior. Hopefully they will get her the help she needs . I really think its vital that she gets professional help as soon as possible.

There's really nothing more i can say at this point though. good luck!

http://www.aacap.org/aacap/families...Behavior-In-Children-and-Adolescents-055.aspx

 

[jamesyy]

Mark my words, no amount of therapy is going to help this girl. She's not a bully, bullies are motivated by insecurity; she's motivated by sadism. And her whole life is an act, would you believe me if I said she's never got a detention before? Not even one. She can control her aggression, she chooses not to. It's nature, not nurture.

Sorry, I'm dragging out this thread (even more) just wanted to rant for a minute.

 

[lily]

you don't need to be sorry, you're going through a lot and it's a real issue.

 

[LoyalXenite]

Good job on getting the footage!

Maybe showing your parents will deal with the situation well enough that you wont have to take legal action, but keep a spare copy of the footage just in case you need it in the future.

 

[Graeme1988]

I just keep thinking: "Why haven't yer parents done anything?"

It's great that you got the footage, at least you can prove she is bullying you. So it's not just your word against hers.

And I can empathise, as I have an older sister who prone violent mood swings, she's not beat me up, though. And rightly so, I'm a big bloke. She just yells and swears as her means of bullying. It's a great laugh cuz she's in her 30s and still acts like a teenager.

But I digress... If you believe therapy won't help her, then I'd suggest getting a place of yer own. I mean, if that's an affordable option? Take it for me, you don't want to be around family members who do nothing but treat you like shite. :sad: If move out isn't an option, get yourself to the gym and build up yer strength. Not that I'm saying batter yer sister here, it's just... It looks to me like she's only beating the crap outta ye cuz she knows she can.

But if your parents ignore this, definitely get social services involved. I know it might seem a bit drastic, and even cause more animosity. You can't seriously allow your younger sister to behaviour the way she has towards you and continue to let her get away it. She's just going to keep up the bullying if something isn't done to make her realise she has anger issues.]

The only other option would be avoiding her, and keeping outta her way. And I know that can be difficult if you live in the same house. Anyway, I hope you get this situation resolved, and things changed for the better for you. :thumbup:

 

[jamesyy]

I just keep thinking: "Why haven't yer parents done anything?"

It's great that you got the footage, at least you can prove she is bullying you. So it's not just your word against hers.

And I can empathise, as I have an older sister who prone violent mood swings, she's not beat me up, though. And rightly so, I'm a big bloke. She just yells and swears as her means of bullying. It's a great laugh cuz she's in her 30s and still acts like a teenager.

But I digress... If you believe therapy won't help her, then I'd suggest getting a place of yer own. I mean, if that's an affordable option? Take it for me, you don't want to be around family members who do nothing but treat you like shite. :sad: If move out isn't an option, get yourself to the gym and build up yer strength. Not that I'm saying batter yer sister here, it's just... It looks to me like she's only beating the crap outta ye cuz she knows she can.

But if your parents ignore this, definitely get social services involved. I know it might seem a bit drastic, and even cause more animosity. You can't seriously allow your younger sister to behaviour the way she has towards you and continue to let her get away it. She's just going to keep up the bullying if something isn't done to make her realise she has anger issues.]

The only other option would be avoiding her, and keeping outta her way. And I know that can be difficult if you live in the same house. Anyway, I hope you get this situation resolved, and things changed for the better for you. :thumbup:

My mum grounded her, I suggested therapy again and she said "don't be silly" though. My dad just told me to "man up" basically.

I feel like she's quite a lot stronger than me, that it would take a lot of months to get where she is physically. I know she's only 11, but she has a freaking 6 pack and I'm super skinny. I mean, she's skinny too but she's more in shape.

She beat me up worse than she usually does when I got her grounded. And I um... wet myself when she was choking me with her thighs. There's a massive bruise on my back now from her repeatedly kicking me. Here's a pic of that here:

https://imgur.com/a/re95q

I don't think I'm going to show my parents, they'll probably half punish her again and I'll be full punished. There's nowhere I can go except maybe a hostel. That's the only affordable option right now and I really really don't want to go to a hostel.

I'm so tired of being her bitch, she actually made me do her homework. Like, c'mon. I just want it to end already.

 

[Hot_Tamale]

Any hospitals you can volunteer at. Hospitals have so many different departments that you can try. Or volunteering at a youth center if your city has a YMCA? It will help you build up your resume/CV and at the same time get you away from her.

 

[PugofCrydee]

Forgive my being blunt, but if you don't take steps to regain control of the situation - which may involve self defense classes - and defend yourself, then things most likely wont change.

You have a bully sister who wont stop.
Your parents dont understand or are not willing to take it seriously.
Talking doesn't help.
You seem reluctant to involve the police (for whatever reasons).


You do NOT need to hit her or strike her IF you receive the correct training.
Leverage can stop anyone in their tracks.


I stand by my earlier posts.

 

[Graeme1988]

My mum grounded her, I suggested therapy again and she said "don't be silly" though. My dad just told me to "man up" basically.

I feel like she's quite a lot stronger than me, that it would take a lot of months to get where she is physically. I know she's only 11, but she has a freaking 6 pack and I'm super skinny. I mean, she's skinny too but she's more in shape.

She beat me up worse than she usually does when I got her grounded. And I um... wet myself when she was choking me with her thighs. There's a massive bruise on my back now from her repeatedly kicking me. Here's a pic of that here:

https://imgur.com/a/re95q

I don't think I'm going to show my parents, they'll probably half punish her again and I'll be full punished. There's nowhere I can go except maybe a hostel. That's the only affordable option right now and I really really don't want to go to a hostel.

I'm so tired of being her bitch, she actually made me do her homework. Like, c'mon. I just want it to end already.

11?! mg: Jeez! C'mon, man... you can't let this go on! As Pug said, defend yourself. Grounding her won't achieve much? I doubt she even cares if she's still beating you up. Yer parents seem to be in denial, at least that's how it seems to me.

As I said before, get yourself to the gym. Or buy yourself some weights and lift at home? Just do something. Why does it matter if it take ye a few months to get to where she is physically? Make the effort, cuz she'll soon back off once she realises you're not a weakling. Not saying turn her into a feckin' panda, just stand up for yourself.

But hey, if I was in your shoes, and my older sister was behaving like this, I'd have her restrained in a rear-naked choke and be screaming:

"Don't you... EVER F*CKIN' DO THAT AGAIN!" :veryangry:​

And, speaking from experience, bullies tend not to f*ck with you once they know you're not to be messed with.

 

[PugofCrydee]

And, speaking from experience, bullies tend not to f*ck with you once they know you're not to be messed with.

This has been my experience too Graeme.

 

[jamesyy]

11?! mg: Jeez! C'mon, man... you can't let this go on! As Pug said, defend yourself. Grounding her won't achieve much? I doubt she even cares if she's still beating you up. Yer parents seem to be in denial, at least that's how it seems to me.

As I said before, get yourself to the gym. Or buy yourself some weights and lift at home? Just do something. Why does it matter if it take ye a few months to get to where she is physically? Make the effort, cuz she'll soon back off once she realises you're not a weakling. Not saying turn her into a feckin' panda, just stand up for yourself.

But hey, if I was in your shoes, and my older sister was behaving like this, I'd have her restrained in a rear-naked choke and be screaming:

"Don't you... EVER F*CKIN' DO THAT AGAIN!" :veryangry:​

And, speaking from experience, bullies tend not to f*ck with you once they know you're not to be messed with.

You don't understand, I'm not like a normal person who can gain muscle fast. I'm recovering from anorexia, I'm 6'1 and 115 lbs. She's 5'0 and 70 lbs. It seems like I have the advantage there, but if you look at body measurements I have 10 inch calves and 14 inch thighs. She has 14 inch calves and 21 inch thighs if I remember correctly and she's all muscle from doing gymnastics. All she ever does is choke me with her legs, how am I supposed to defend against that? Her calves are bigger than my thighs (I rounded my thigh size up). My body has had to eat into my muscle to get energy so I'm really underdeveloped. She's just better than me.