Friends, who needs them

[Krista]

I feel like I do ::

Just one problem, my friends don't seem to care about me as much as I do about them. I'm not looking for reassurance or to be told that I'm some amazing person but I like to consider myself a very good friend, there isn't one thing I wouldn't do for them.

So why does it feel like I'm so unappreciated? I've never intentionally treated someone ill because I know how much that hurts, I bend over backwards for my friends when they need me but it's so easy for them to walk all over my feelings and see that it's not a big deal..it makes me want to cry. I know I should get new ones, that appreciate me but it's hard to do when there's really no place to do it and I've grown up with these people.

Does anyone else have these friends? The ones who allow others to talk bad about you and get indignant when you bring up the fact that they're suppose to have your back in some way? Or even just not taking your feelings into consideration because in the end they know you'll stay since you are such a good friend?

 

[Baguette]

one of my friends make it a mission to make awkward situations for me when there are other people around

 

[Hellhound]

I don't have such kind of "friends" because I wouldn't consider friend someone who treats me like that. True friends don't treat you like that. You should start thinking if they are truly your friends or just people you talk to.

 

[DeadHead]

My entire group of girlfriends ditched me right before highschool started. I have a few friends who I see once in awhile but i've never had any really close friends since then. Back when I did have friends though, a few of them were pretty awful to me but I stuck with them so that I wouldn't be alone, so I know how you're feeling.

 

[johnny 85]

I don't have such kind of "friends" because I wouldn't consider friend someone who treats me like that. True friends don't treat you like that. You should start thinking if they are truly your friends or just people you talk to.

i agree with this ^^^^^. i have 3 very close best friends and i know for a fact they wood do anything for me!!

 

[Krista]

I know guys That's what sucks, I don't deserve to be treated like that and friends aren't suppose to act that way. But for now they're all I have, I'd rather be put through the abuse because I don't know how well I'd handle being alone..

 

[mrb]

know what, i know how you feel sometimes , only its my family not my friends

 

[Danfalc]

I know guys That's what sucks, I don't deserve to be treated like that and friends aren't suppose to act that way. But for now they're all I have, I'd rather be put through the abuse because I don't know how well I'd handle being alone..

Just dont ever put up with them if it starts affecting your self esteem.I dont have many friends in real life..My own fault as I dont make the effort as much as I should and I am stuck in alot.

But one of my so called "friends" can be a right ass,And I always thought for some reason it was my fault,I put up with it though because I dont have many mates..but a real friend makes you laugh and feel good for who you are,not make you worse.

 

[Krista]

Just dont ever put up with them if it starts affecting your self esteem.I dont have many friends in real life..My own fault as I dont make the effort as much as I should and I am stuck in alot.

But one of my so called "friends" can be a right ass,And I always thought for some reason it was my fault,I put up with it though because I dont have many mates..but a real friend makes you laugh and feel good for who you are,not make you worse.

I know, I feel that after awhile I have no reason to feel bad because I'm putting myself through it but I try to focus on the positives when we're all together, the fun times that we do have but then something happens that just crushes my self esteem for the night. I make excuses though that it's just because I'm overly sensitive to things and I should learn to take a joke. But after awhile that jokes just isn't funny anymore.

 

[Hellhound]

I know, I feel that after awhile I have no reason to feel bad because I'm putting myself through it but I try to focus on the positives when we're all together, the fun times that we do have but then something happens that just crushes my self esteem for the night. I make excuses though that it's just because I'm overly sensitive to things and I should learn to take a joke. But after awhile that jokes just isn't funny anymore.

If you are feeling bad it's because their company is not being healthy to you, their attitude is surely having effects on you, despite having some possitives. No, you shouldn't learn to take a joke and you aren't overly sensitive... these "friends" should learn to respect you instead and learn to say "sorry" if they made you feel bad. I don't know... but I think this kind of company is poison. I think it causes even more damage when you are with these kind of people than when you are alone. Maybe you should consider not dealing with them anymore... or give them one more chance, if they behave crappy again dump them.

And if you think this way, you aren't alone. What about your online mates? I know it's not the same than being face to face... but really, what would you prefer? a group of the wrong people IRL who make you feel bad every time you see them... or a group of people online that, might be far away, but at least they keep you at company, they appreciate you and they are MUCH nicer?.

And one more thing... Just because you aren't with those stupid people it doesn't mean you will be doomed to be alone forever. You can always meet other better people to be with. Yes, it's more difficult because of this SA thing, but not impossible. And speaking of SA, these "friends" of yours are doing nothing more but making your symptoms worse and lowering your self esteem even more.

 

[Krista]

If you are feeling bad it's because their company is not being healthy to you, their attitude is surely having effects on you, despite having some possitives. No, you shouldn't learn to take a joke and you aren't overly sensitive... these "friends" should learn to respect you instead and learn to say "sorry" if they made you feel bad. I don't know... but I think this kind of company is poison. I think it causes even more damage when you are with these kind of people than when you are alone. Maybe you should consider not dealing with them anymore... or give them one more chance, if they behave crappy again dump them.

And if you think this way, you aren't alone. What about your online mates? I know it's not the same than being face to face... but really, what would you prefer? a group of the wrong people IRL who make you feel bad every time you see them... or a group of people online that, might be far away, but at least they keep you at company, they appreciate you and they are MUCH nicer?.

And one more thing... Just because you aren't with those stupid people it doesn't mean you will be doomed to be alone forever. You can always meet other better people to be with. Yes, it's more difficult because of this SA thing, but not impossible. And speaking of SA, these "friends" of yours are doing nothing more but making your symptoms worse and lowering your self esteem even more.

Lol, you tell them. No I do appreciate that very much. I know all of this but it's always hard to say goodbye to someone you've been with for so long. I love the company of every single person on here but I'd feel worse if all I did was sit at home instead of trying to go out. I suppose I either make the choice to ditch them or endure until I can put myself in a position that allows me new contacts.

This meant a lot though, that you wrote it and everything you've said is spot on. Thank you ::

 

[LadyWench]

I could definitely use some friends.

 

[bimbo45]

Your very lucky to have friend. I am 50 years of age and have never hadgood friends. But i keep trying on varios sites.

 

[hydrapower]

Try and ask yourself what you're getting out of the friendships. A real friendship is a two-way street. Is it just some transient "fun times" that aren't particularly meaningful? Can you talk to any of these people about "real stuff", you know, heavy things and you'd know they had your back and cared?

Lots of people come and go throughout life. You're bound to meet new people all over the place as the years go by and every once in a long while you meet somebody who could turn out to be a true, best friend. Hold on to them when you do find them. You'll wonder why you were ever really worried about these current friends who don't sound like particularly nice people IMO.

If you do things like joining clubs or organizations or groups that are important to you, you'll find tons of people with like-minded interests. Volunteering somewhere is a good thing because the people around you must have some semblance of character to be volunteering, and you're helping someone out who needs your help, which will make you feel good about yourself.

Take care.

 

[Nack]

I don't need douche bags, i need friends.

 

[206Raider]

True friends are really really hard to find. The ones you get try to hold on to the best you can but you know me and I've told you you don't need the ones that bring you down. I relate to what your saying becuase I hung around the people I grew up with and they made me feel the same, I remembered the good times but the good times just didn't seem far and between and I didn't enjoy their company anymore so I only talk to a few of them, they were mostly drunken douchebags, who think they were the **** and I'm just not like that, don't get me wrong I like to party but my "friends" were pure alcoholics who snorted cocaine everynight and didn't really care about anybody but themselves and their next fix. It's been hard though, I'm not used to being alone a lot so I'm hoping I can make some good new friends here soon. Online friends are okay, it's good to have but if your not out with them in person it's just not the same. Nobody truly wants to be alone all the time where you start feeling like nobody cares. Keep your head up though and try to tough it out, you know I'll be here too.

 

[Brokenx]

A true friend is someone that makes you happy and actually means it when they say they care.

I'm yet to meet a 'true' friend .. lol

 

[Lorraine Manca]

I feel like I do ::

Just one problem, my friends don't seem to care about me as much as I do about them. I'm not looking for reassurance or to be told that I'm some amazing person but I like to consider myself a very good friend, there isn't one thing I wouldn't do for them.

So why does it feel like I'm so unappreciated? I've never intentionally treated someone ill because I know how much that hurts, I bend over backwards for my friends when they need me but it's so easy for them to walk all over my feelings and see that it's not a big deal..it makes me want to cry. I know I should get new ones, that appreciate me but it's hard to do when there's really no place to do it and I've grown up with these people.

Does anyone else have these friends? The ones who allow others to talk bad about you and get indignant when you bring up the fact that they're suppose to have your back in some way? Or even just not taking your feelings into consideration because in the end they know you'll stay since you are such a good friend?

yes! i do not mess with friends at all anymore really, because ultimately it seems like even the best people are all about number one, themselves!! i always felt very affectionate toward the friends i had, but i dont think it was ever mutual. really it was a matter of entertainment. people are in it for the good times, not the bad ones and mostly its a matter of convienence. they're lonely and bored. you're there.
me and my best friend planned an "escape" from highschool. we were going to hassle the advisors to let us go to college a year early and we were going to go together...until the last minute she realized it'd be much cooler to go to college with her sister somewhere else. so our fun adventure turned into me alone in downtown atlanta, younger than everyone else, at a school with 30,000 people in it. i think its a nasty lesson you learn that you cant depend on anyone or really trust they mean what they say. its not negative, its just the truth.

 

[Krista]

yes! i do not mess with friends at all anymore really, because ultimately it seems like even the best people are all about number one, themselves!! i always felt very affectionate toward the friends i had, but i dont think it was ever mutual. really it was a matter of entertainment. people are in it for the good times, not the bad ones and mostly its a matter of convienence. they're lonely and bored. you're there.
me and my best friend planned an "escape" from highschool. we were going to hassle the advisors to let us go to college a year early and we were going to go together...until the last minute she realized it'd be much cooler to go to college with her sister somewhere else. so our fun adventure turned into me alone in downtown atlanta, younger than everyone else, at a school with 30,000 people in it. i think its a nasty lesson you learn that you cant depend on anyone or really trust they mean what they say. its not negative, its just the truth.

Not at all, I completely agree. I suppose I'm just hoping for one person who will prover otherwise but so far..no such luck. It hurts giving so much of yourself to people you care about and them not caring at all. I guess that makes me a pushover? Or just way to caring of other people.

 

[Hellhound]

Lol, you tell them. No I do appreciate that very much. I know all of this but it's always hard to say goodbye to someone you've been with for so long. I love the company of every single person on here but I'd feel worse if all I did was sit at home instead of trying to go out. I suppose I either make the choice to ditch them or endure until I can put myself in a position that allows me new contacts.

This meant a lot though, that you wrote it and everything you've said is spot on. Thank you ::

I understand your point. It's not good to stay at home... but being in a group of people who make you feel bad is not much better. I understand it's not easy to stop talking with them if you have known them for so long, but your mental health is first, right? If such group is hurting you, why staying with them?. Although, if you really really don't want to ditch them... you could try talking with them, tell them that their attitude is making you feel horrible, you already have problems and you don't need to be treated like that, you don't like being treated like that. Give them another chance... if they are truly your friends, if they truly care about you they will try to change, if not... then they aren't worth your time.

As for enduring... I'm not sure if you should just endure. Maybe you should try to defend yourself more? If they make you feel bad, talk back... show them you won't take crap from anyone, friends or not. Maybe, if they see you defend yourself, they will quit bothering you. I still think you shouldn't be with them at all... but if you feel you will be worse alone, then defending yourself could be another option.