Forgiveness

[Pacific_Loner]

I realized recently that, while one thing that has greatly contributed to my downfall along the years was shame, the one thing that has really contributed to my uprising in the last years, was forgiveness.

I think the fact that I was able to let go of the anger or hard feelings not only towards anyone else, but most of all towards myself, and that I subsequently forgave anyone of their lacks as well as myself and my own lacks and failures, really lead me to accept that all these failures and lacks are part of me, as others have theirs, and that this is the way things are and will be, and it seriously brought me to a very peaceful state of mind.

(Of course I have ups and downs, but I'm talking overall).

I guess what I'm trying to say is that we can't be perfect and it's time to forgive ourselves for being imperfect and for failing a lot of times before succeeding, or for not succeeding at all. And also that being angry or resentful towards others will only backfire while being harmless to them.

Soooo... I just wanted to share this with you and see if anyone feels the same

Take note that it is a lot easier to forgive when you stay away from those who are victimizing you.

 

[jaim38]

Take note that it is a lot easier to forgive when you stay away from those who are victimizing you.

I try not to hold long-term grudges against people, but there's no guarantee that my feelings might not flare up again if I see former bullies. And just because I finally forgive people doesn't mean I will be all smiley faces and amnesic when I see them again. I still remember what they did to me.

 

[kihira]

Good post; I agree with your thoughts on this, holding on to feelings of guilt, resentment, anger, sense of failure, etc just acts as an anchor that weighs us down and stops our progress :thumbup:

 

[MikeyC]

I guess what I'm trying to say is that we can't be perfect and it's time to forgive ourselves for being imperfect and for failing a lot of times before succeeding, or for not succeeding at all.

Good sentiment, and I totally agree, but it's not easy to implement. I am trying and trying to not be so harsh on myself. I'm glad you're doing better using this guide, Pacific_Loner.

I try not to hold long-term grudges against people, but there's no guarantee that my feelings might not flare up again if I see former bullies. And just because I finally forgive people doesn't mean I will be all smiley faces and amnesic when I see them again. I still remember what they did to me.

Also a very good point. Forgiveness doesn't mean you will like the person, or even want to see them again, but a willingness to leave the past where it is and move on.

 

[Sial Axetder]

Forgiveness, self forgiveness.... How do I do this? How do I let go?

 

[Pacific_Loner]

Forgiveness, self forgiveness.... How do I do this? How do I let go?

Yeah I guess this thread would be more useful if there was a trick :/

 

[Sial Axetder]

Yeah I guess this thread would be more useful if there was a trick :/

It's ok. No worries. There isn't often a trick to these kinds of things. I know forgiveness either is or it is not. Forgiveness is truly black and white.

I have major issues with forgiveness. Especially self forgiveness.

I'm a hard-*** to myself!

 

[daisydaydreamz]

I agree wholeheartedly Pacific Loner... Forgiveness, of both yourself and others is the way forward. I am at a time in life where I've learned to accept myself, my good points as well as my failings and weaknesses for who I am.

I am married to a man who is narcissistic. He has a hard heart, is full of resentment and unforgiveness. He believes everything that has gone wrong in his life is the fault of other people. He is incapable of looking inwards and seeing that peace and happiness is there for him to choose should he wish to.

If someone upsets me, I will feel hurt at first... It's only natural for a sensitive person to feel that way. However what I try to do is look at the situation from their perspective, and try to work out why they did/said what they did. By doing this I can understand the actions of others better and forgive them.


I firmly believe forgiveness and having an open mind and a loving open heart is the way to feel at peace with yourself and others.

 

[Kiwong]

Yes, there is a lot to be said for going easy on yourself and everyone else. It's pragmatic and better for my health in the long run.

 

[BlueDays]

I realized recently that, while one thing that has greatly contributed to my downfall along the years was shame, the one thing that has really contributed to my uprising in the last years, was forgiveness.

I think the fact that I was able to let go of the anger or hard feelings not only towards anyone else, but most of all towards myself, and that I subsequently forgave anyone of their lacks as well as myself and my own lacks and failures, really lead me to accept that all these failures and lacks are part of me, as others have theirs, and that this is the way things are and will be, and it seriously brought me to a very peaceful state of mind.

(Of course I have ups and downs, but I'm talking overall).

I guess what I'm trying to say is that we can't be perfect and it's time to forgive ourselves for being imperfect and for failing a lot of times before succeeding, or for not succeeding at all. And also that being angry or resentful towards others will only backfire while being harmless to them.

Soooo... I just wanted to share this with you and see if anyone feels the same

Take note that it is a lot easier to forgive when you stay away from those who are victimizing you.

^ Excellent post :thumbup:

I have major issues with forgiveness. Especially self forgiveness.

I'm a hard-*** to myself!

^So do I. Still have not been able to figure out how I can do it, even though I know it would be very beneficial to my mental health.

 

[Steelsoul]

I've forgiven others so many times but they keep hurting me. Everyone around me do it in one way or another. I'm quick to forgive, but this is too much. I can't avoid them because i meet them everyday at school or at home. So i started to blame myself for being shy and helpless.
I know forgiveness is a good way to put my mind in peace, but it's so hard.

 

[Lea]

I am not angry at anyone, just think that some people are crap.

 

[Feeble Scream]

I've found it much easier to forgive someone else than myself. Even though sometimes I think I'm way too forgiving but in the end I think I'm the one to be blamed as I have the biggest control over my own life.

 

[Pacific_Loner]

I've forgiven others so many times but they keep hurting me. Everyone around me do it in one way or another. I'm quick to forgive, but this is too much. I can't avoid them because i meet them everyday at school or at home. So i started to blame myself for being shy and helpless.
I know forgiveness is a good way to put my mind in peace, but it's so hard.

I know what you mean. When I say forgiving others, I don't mean accepting what they did wrong, I just mean leave it behind if there's nothing you can do about it. It's still a lot more healthy to stay away from people who keeps doing wrong, I think. Of course if these people are at school and at home, you're kind of stuck for now, so I guess all you can do is make yourself a big favor and try the best you can to not let these people affect you in the long term, and concentrate all your energy to get the hell out of there as soon as possible.....

 

[jc972]

I've never known how to forgive. Myself, others, anyone. There are people from elementary school I'd like to break their jaw, and I ain't seen most of them in 20 plus years.

 

[Steelsoul]

I know what you mean. When I say forgiving others, I don't mean accepting what they did wrong, I just mean leave it behind if there's nothing you can do about it. It's still a lot more healthy to stay away from people who keeps doing wrong, I think. Of course if these people are at school and at home, you're kind of stuck for now, so I guess all you can do is make yourself a big favor and try the best you can to not let these people affect you in the long term, and concentrate all your energy to get the hell out of there as soon as possible.....

Yeah I will try but it seems to be a long way to go

 

[Kiwong]

I feel angry at the way people have treated me all the time, but I catch myself and think all this anger and worry can't be good for my health in the long run. Those that have really shown anger toward me, it is not a matter of forgiving it is of living in fear that it will happen again. The worst reactions to my anxiety have caused me trauma like an assault. If I really focus on all the criticism, the anger, the ridicule, the ignorance, then I despair and the outcome could threaten my survival. Somehow when the whole world seems to be against me I can focus enough of the positive to keep fighting.

 

[Pacific_Loner]

If I really focus on all the criticism, the anger, the ridicule, the ignorance, then I despair and the outcome could threaten my survival. Somehow when the whole seems to be against me I can focus enough of the positive to keep fighting.

Yes If someone hit you in the face with a hammer and you keep being angry at them for the next years, it's like picking up this hammer and keep hitting yourself with it. Clearly not a good idea.

 

[sai]

with my adhd i use to enjoy my life but suddenly... i had to change my 5-grade to other school over there some ****ers bullied me... due to which i feel that i suffer from SA but even though i was angry i forgive them (because i don't know what to do to revenge them) ... i use to have a lot of GF before getting to that stupid school ... but now i am 22 and i still cant talk to a women looking into her eyes forget talking... i cant stand around a women with in 5 meters ...

does any 1 here has the same typical bulling story's in school like me and regretting for forgiving them....??

 

[Sial Axetder]

with my adhd i use to enjoy my life but suddenly... i had to change my 5-grade to other school over there some ****ers bullied me... due to which i feel that i suffer from SA but even though i was angry i forgive them (because i don't know what to do to revenge them) ... i use to have a lot of GF before getting to that stupid school ... but now i am 22 and i still cant talk to a women looking into her eyes forget talking... i cant stand around a women with in 5 meters ...

does any 1 here has the same typical bulling story's in school like me and regretting for forgiving them....??

Ahh, another ADD sufferer. I have not been diagnosed but I've got the symptoms.

It's a bit off topic but SA will make it difficult to talk with the opposite sex especially if attraction is there. Hell, it's hard for anyone if attraction is there. With or without SA. One thing to keep in mind is that women are human, too.