Finding relationship

[wise_wind]

Hi guys


I am a guy with a somewhat severe form of social anxiety. I feel anxious at crowded places like shopping malls, buses etc.

I was thinking, is it better for me not to try to find a relationship (boyfriend/girlfriend) for now?

I mean I have problems being comfortable in public by myself now. It think it's adding trouble that I try to find a partner because I would need to meet her in public places for dating.

Do you think I should rather concentrate on healing myself and overcoming my social anxiety first for now?

And maybe try to find a relationship a few years later after I have somewhat improved in coping with my anxiety?

 

[theoutsider]

I think you should keep an open mind about it. Maybe not make it a top priority but keep an eye out for that one person who will understand you and may even be able to help with your anxiety. I don't believe in totally closing up shop and declaring yourself undate-able because of your difficulties. There're still some truly amazing people out there.

 

[THeCARS1979]

I feel the same way. I don't think that I ll find anyone.

 

[Jungle]

Hi wise_wind,

According to me, you should make the anxiety problem a priority, because this could play tricks on you while trying to maintain your relationship. The reason you gave sums it all up.

If ever you come to meet a partner that also has an anxiety problem or is agoraphobic, well then this would really solve your problem, wouldn't it?

Good luck with that my friend.

 

[morrowrd]

I agree with working on yourself as a priority. However, realize this is a life long project, and maybe start working on some sort of order or operations...with dating in the mix, as a part of the plan. Dating can actually be used as a practice tool, so don't throw away a valuable resource like that. Know that getting rejected or making mistakes is what comes with improving yourself. "Good judgment comes from experience, and experience from bad judgement."

I recommend using dating sites to begin with. They're the perfect first step in that direction for social dysfunctional people learning to tweak things.

 

[treegirl]

I say go for it. You don't know how long you have to live plus you're always going to have some problems, right? If not social anxiety something else. I don't believe a perfect time exists.

 

[AlienGeranium]

I can see both being beneficial. On the one hand, not being in a relationship (or looking for one) would allow you more freedom, you'd have more time, and could dedicate more effort into improving your anxiety. It's something you could really focus your life on, which could be great. On the other hand though, having someone you really like, could be a good motivating factor in a lot of ways. I know there are things I would usually avoid when I'm by myself, but add another person into the equation and there becomes a stronger desire to push through those feelings. And while being able to do things by yourself is definitely important, doing things with someone else first sometimes alleviates some of the stress, making it easier to tackles when your by yourself. And of course this person doesn't have to be a date, it could be a family member or a friend, my point just being it's possible to both make progress and be in a relationship. Or do so outside of one!

 

[chris11]

Honestly, I'm 26 at the moment and have never been in a relationship. If you're thinking of waiting until your anxiety is a complete nonissue... That day will never come. Focus on learning better ways to cope and diminish your anxiety, and, at the same time, don't dismiss the possibility of a relationship. I doubt I'll ever be in one. I've pretty much given up. But they bring a lot of people a lot of joy.

 

[Sacrament]

I think you should only get in a relationship if you're not using it as a crutch, and also if you're able to be in the relationship without depending on it for emotional comfort (or to 'get better').

 

[wise_wind]

Thanks for your replies guys. I'll focus on healing myself for now.