Feeling Like New Guy Friends Are Too Much Work

theoutsider

theoutsider

Well-known member
I've had this problem for a while now but I fear it's only getting worse. For some reason, people seem to always want to make friends with me. I guess I seem easily approachable. The thing is, I have never really been "One of the guys". What I mean by that is I have always been more of a loner. When a guy (at work for example) approaches me and I can see he wants to be friends, I just get a sense of dread. I like sports and am a car nut so I can pretty much shoot the breeze about most of those topics. But beyond that is where I am at a loss. It's mainly when they want to hang out that's a problem. I don't really get into the whole 'guy banter' thing. You know, when guys insult each other for fun. I'm far from overly sensitive where jokes are concerned but I just have never been good at the friendly insult thing.

I always feel like it's just a matter of time before they realize I'm not really like the other guys they hang around with and things will (and usually do) get awkward. Funny, I have no real problems with friendships with women. I guess because there's no real pressure to behave a certain way. But I keep all but a few guy friends at arm's length. Sometimes I will see a group of them at my job from a distance, laughing and having a great time. At those times, I wish I could casually join in but I know my SA will kick in and I'll wind up saying/doing something stupid. I don't know. For the most part I'm content to be left alone but I do feel sometimes as if I'm missing out on the camaraderie.

Anybody have similar problems?
 
Last edited:
S

sr_81

Member
I would agree that there seems to be huge social pressure to behave a certain way around other guys. I feel much more free to talk about whatever without worrying about being judged when i speak with women. Guys seem to want to be funny and/or crude all the time, usually at the expense of someone else. Its especially bad for me as i dont like any typical 'man' things like football cars or women.
 
sahxox

sahxox

Well-known member
I know alot of guys who would say they are more comfortable talking to women too - our banter is different.
I'm a girl and have trouble talking to girls and guys sometimes lol
Because alot of girls are all "weight-loss" and "fashion" and "hair" and crap... I can't equal their enthusiasm if I'm having an SP moment, so I'm on edge when they're around. Interestingly enough, fashion means alot to me, but when everyone else participates I feel like I'm entering a best dressed competition and it just takes the fun out of it.
Problem with guys is often they break the ice by making fun of us, which I don't mind. But thanks to SP, often I'll think what they say/do is funny but mustn't be showing it, and they think I'm a snob or a bitch lol this sucks.
It's about matching enthusiasm/mirroring the tone of banter which SP gets in the way of. I feel most comfortable around the people who don't directly try and get to know me, but we communicate on a nice respectful level. Lonely but safe ahaha
I'm gonna take a stab in the dark and say it'd be easier having SP as a female then as a male. Because we can just smile alot and be all cute and shit. Whereas males have this tacit pressure to be macho.
 
J

jc972

1
I do that with my female friends and they do it back, it's all playing though. I don't have but like one or two guy friends, but we do the insult thing. I don't understand it but it's just there.
 
NathanielWingatePeaslee

NathanielWingatePeaslee

Iä! Iä! Cthulhu fhtagn!
Staff member
Guys-Insult-Each-Other-And-Dont-Really-Mean-It.-Girls-Compliment-each-Other-And-Dont-Really-Mean-It.jpg
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top