Feeling horrible for being horrible

MrJones

Well-known member
I'm not sure how to say this but it's something I have in my head and it doesn't matter what people say, I can't seem to change my mind easily.

The thing is that I feel like I've hurt people, good people, and so feel like I'm a horrible person. I feel like I deserve nothing for being like this, for what I've become, for failing my family, not being good enough, being always weak and coward.

I feel like the only thing I deserve is feeling awful for being an awful person. I try to be a good person, a better person than I was, yet I can only seem to do things wrong, to make people feel bad.

I'm afraid I won't ever feel better until I stop feeling like a horrible person, but I don't know how to change that. It doesn't seem to matter what people say, I feel like a lost cause.

I just don't know what to do anymore, I try my best and everything goes wrong, I try to do nothing and everything goes wrong, I try again something different and it goes worse. I feel like the best for me would be to slowly vanish and everthing would be better.

I don't remember the last day I didn't cry... but still I feel like I should suffer more for what I've done and for what I let happen.
 
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Steppen-Wolf

Well-known member
A regular person makes mistakes and sometimes it hurts people, whether that was truly your intention or not.

An awful person may do the same, but it will never feel guilty or regret such actions.

The simple fact that you feel like that means you're not an awful person, but merely a flawed human being just like everyone else.
 

Remus

Moderator
Staff member
I've followed some of you posts. You do seem desperately unhappy and troubled, you admit to getting obsessed with people, which leads to trauma and more unhappiness. Do you think you have something more serious than just SA? Have you been assessed by a psychiatrist?
 

lonely_drummer

Well-known member
A regular person makes mistakes and sometimes it hurts people, whether that was truly your intention or not.

An awful person may do the same, but it will never feel guilty or regret such actions.

The simple fact that you feel like that means you're not an awful person, but merely a flawed human being just like everyone else.

You couldn't have put it any better!!!
 

MrJones

Well-known member
A regular person makes mistakes and sometimes it hurts people, whether that was truly your intention or not.

An awful person may do the same, but it will never feel guilty or regret such actions.

The simple fact that you feel like that means you're not an awful person, but merely a flawed human being just like everyone else.
I think you're right, but still I can't seem to change the way I feel ::(:
 

MrJones

Well-known member
I've followed some of you posts. You do seem desperately unhappy and troubled, you admit to getting obsessed with people, which leads to trauma and more unhappiness. Do you think you have something more serious than just SA? Have you been assessed by a psychiatrist?
Yeah, I know I'm being followed. I guess it doesn't help my paranoia?

I am unhappy and troubled. I got obsessed once and it's no longer a problem. I just didn't want to lose a friend, I don't think it's that bad.

I'm going to a psychiatrist and a psychologist. I know I have problems and I'm trying to solve them. Actually, if it weren't for that person I got obsessed with I wouldn't be going to therapy, maybe that's why I didn't want to lose that person? I just wanted to be thankful.

I got diagnosed with social phobia, agoraphobia, depression and avoidant personality disorder. Nothing more serious, sorry to disappoint you lol
 

MrJones

Well-known member
I've been treated like an horrible person and I still don't know the reasons, but I'm pretty sure it didn't help the way I see myself.
 

Remus

Moderator
Staff member
Yeah, I know I'm being followed. I guess it doesn't help my paranoia?

I am unhappy and troubled. I got obsessed once and it's no longer a problem. I just didn't want to lose a friend, I don't think it's that bad.

I'm going to a psychiatrist and a psychologist. I know I have problems and I'm trying to solve them. Actually, if it weren't for that person I got obsessed with I wouldn't be going to therapy, maybe that's why I didn't want to lose that person? I just wanted to be thankful.

I got diagnosed with social phobia, agoraphobia, depression and avoidant personality disorder. Nothing more serious, sorry to disappoint you lol

Not sure what you are on about there, or why you are being defensive but I've just been concerned since you made this post:

I love to love. People don't love me back, but at least I'd like if they loked me back. I usually don't even get that, only rejection.

I don't have much energy so I only focus on those people who I think are "good" people, people I like. When those people reject me, it kills me. I want to love people but some make it very hard and it's frustrating how I spend all my energy for people who don't want anything from me.

That is what I meant about the obsession part of my post. I was trying to give advice as you appear desperate for a solution and it's worrying to see you keep posting the same anguish.
 

MrJones

Well-known member
Not sure what you are on about there, or why you are being defensive but I've just been concerned since you made this post:



That is what I meant about the obsession part of my post. I was trying to give advice as you appear desperate for a solution and it's worrying to see you keep posting the same anguish.
Those are different subjects. The post you quoted from another thread (I don't even remember where) is about trying to make friends and failing. That post wasn't about obsessing over certain people, I tried to be friends with a lot of people and I got rejection every time.

I mean, they're two different subjects. Thanks for trying to help, but you were thinking (for the second post you quoted) about a different issue (that's also a problem for me (unable to make friends), but doesn't belong in this thread). I know I always get defensive, but thanks for trying to help anyway.
 

028ellie81

Active member
I am just learning about Social Anxiety and a lot of it seems to be our negative thought processes that are often inaccurate and make us feel inadequate and unloveable. It is possible that it is your underlying assumption/beliefs about yourself based on a past negative experience that is continuing to make you feel that you are a horrible person. Good luck
 

MikeyC

Well-known member
Jonesy, why do you keep saying you keep hurting people? What is it specifically that you're doing to hurt them? As Remus has said, you're posting the same anguish over and again and it really pains me to see that because on here you're nothing but a pleasure.

I think you need more help than what this forum can provide. You're more than welcome to chat to me privately, but I think you need to see a professional because there is a raging storm of fractured emotions going on in your mind.

I don't mean to be harsh and I am sorry if it comes across that way but you're a good guy, believe it or not, so I would love to see whatever torment you have going on to be eradicated so you can be the Jonesy we all know and love.
 

MrJones

Well-known member
I am just learning about Social Anxiety and a lot of it seems to be our negative thought processes that are often inaccurate and make us feel inadequate and unloveable. It is possible that it is your underlying assumption/beliefs about yourself based on a past negative experience that is continuing to make you feel that you are a horrible person. Good luck
Thanks. It's a possibility, true, but I think there has been something always there.
 

MrJones

Well-known member
Jonesy, why do you keep saying you keep hurting people? What is it specifically that you're doing to hurt them? As Remus has said, you're posting the same anguish over and again and it really pains me to see that because on here you're nothing but a pleasure.

I think you need more help than what this forum can provide. You're more than welcome to chat to me privately, but I think you need to see a professional because there is a raging storm of fractured emotions going on in your mind.

I don't mean to be harsh and I am sorry if it comes across that way but you're a good guy, believe it or not, so I would love to see whatever torment you have going on to be eradicated so you can be the Jonesy we all know and love.
I've been going to professionals for months, as I said. I'm doing tons of stuff and I always end up exhausted of going to the psychologist, the psychiatrist and the college psychology group, doing tons of exposure, doing tons of tests, doing tons of effort. I don't know what else I could do. I just made the thread to vent, I know I can't be helped.
 

MikeyC

Well-known member
I've been going to professionals for months, as I said. I'm doing tons of stuff and I always end up exhausted of going to the psychologist, the psychiatrist and the college psychology group, doing tons of exposure, doing tons of tests, doing tons of effort. I don't know what else I could do. I just made the thread to vent, I know I can't be helped.
You can be helped. You have to want it to work. I think you do, but there's a little part of you that might be sabotaging yourself.

Going to these places for months is a good start, but I wouldn't stop. A friend told me it took him 7 months of continuous therapy before he even started getting any benefit out of it (he has Asperger's) so maybe it'll be the same for you.
 

MrJones

Well-known member
You can be helped. You have to want it to work. I think you do, but there's a little part of you that might be sabotaging yourself.

Going to these places for months is a good start, but I wouldn't stop. A friend told me it took him 7 months of continuous therapy before he even started getting any benefit out of it (he has Asperger's) so maybe it'll be the same for you.
I know, I mean't I can't be help in a single post or so. I will keep doing therapy to see if something works sooner or later.

I'm glad your friend got better :)
 

Aletheia

Well-known member
A regular person makes mistakes and sometimes it hurts people, whether that was truly your intention or not.

An awful person may do the same, but it will never feel guilty or regret such actions.

The simple fact that you feel like that means you're not an awful person, but merely a flawed human being just like everyone else.

Beautifully put.

I can't seem to forgive myself whenever I do something bad to someone.

The hardest person to forgive is oneself.
 
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