Feel bad about being a 29 year old virgin

[noonecares86]

I feel a little weird writing this but it's been bothering me for awhile, but i have been worrying that guys will find it a turn-off being a vrigin at my age. I also feel very immature to be my age and having no experience with guys at all or any social experience because of my sp. I feel so behind everyone else and i don't think a guy will want someone without any experience.What are your opinions?

 

[PugofCrydee]

I disagree.

For many guys the fact you haven't slept with anyone will be admirable. I know for me it would be. Not all guys are looking for the 'porn star' gf.

As far as you thinking of yourself as immature, I prefer to think of it as young minded. I think I'm young minded, I certainly don't feel my age in the mind.

 

[noonecares86]

Thank you for your reply, young minded is a good way to put it ha. I just feel at my age guys would want someone who knows what their doing.

 

[nodejesque]

Don't feel bad. Celibacy and abstinence is a lot more common than we think. It has to feel right for you. The right person will be understanding and patient with you.

When you take that step with your partner, I don't think that your lack of partners will be a problem. Just be honest with him, and take it at a comfortable pace.

 

[noonecares86]

Thank you very much nodejesque

 

[Louco]

Don't feel bad about it. I'm a man exactly in the same situation.

I suppose I could just go with a prostitute, but I don't even care anymore. The medication makes me forget my sexual needs, although I can turn them back on if I poke them.

But yeah, it's better to know something, or to be good at something than not, but this is what I think: when the time comes, just do what you feel like doing. Don't worry a bit about what he is thinking, it will be your time as much as it will be his, so you just let go and have fun.

 

[DanielLewis]

Yeah, I actually would find being a virgin as something attractive. There's something about it that's desirable because it's like, as a guy, you feel special that you can be her first, or that no guy has had her besides you. I'd much rather have a virgin than a girl who's been with a bunch of guys. And I hate the stigma associated with being a virgin at an older age. It's stupid. Who cares. It comes from media brainwashing.

 

[vj288]

........................

 

[Louco]

And if you take risks, put yourself out there and dive in, one of two things will happen. Either you'll find the perfect guy and everything will work out happily ever after, or you'll date some people that don't work out, and in the end have that experience you worry about not having now. One way or another, taking action is the way to go.

I'm sorry, but I really don't think this is a good idea. The odds of she finding someone who just wants to use her without a care about her feelings or well being are pretty high if she "dives in" like you are saying. She should just have a normal social life, where guys will eventually show interest in her and she will be able to choose a suitable person, instead of just offering herself away to the first bet.

Just as a curiosity, I live in Brazil, a place culturally hypersexualized where girls are usually having sex for the firt time around their 14-15, even earlier, and promiscuity is worshiped as God. Despite what some feminists may think, women behaving like men in this department usually end up with a pretty low self-esteem, feeling worthless before their own eyes and also of their partners. This is natural, since how men and women feel and react to their sexual experiences differ considerably, even on a biological level. Men can deal better with both rejection and bad relationships, not because we are superior or something silly like that, but because of how human sexuality works. Not that I could imagine how being used to be rejected could make someone feel superior mind you, just making clear I'm not being sexist...

To be honest, I don't think even men who get laid often with many women feel that great and realized either. The standards of society for what is normal, coming from mainstream media, political groups and forced cultural trends, to what is supposed to make us happy and satisfied have made the world a pretty miserable place.

 

[Megaten]

I'm sorry, but I really don't think this is a good idea. The odds of she finding someone who just wants to use her without a care about her feelings or well being are pretty high if she "dives in" like you are saying. She should just have a normal social life, where guys will eventually show interest in her and she will be able to choose a suitable person, instead of just offering herself away to the first bet.

Dating in general is a risky endeavor. I think he's saying she shouldn't let her insecurities totally hinder her romantic life. Especially since a lot of men are looking for special "signs" from a woman before the they'll even try to pursue her romantically. Fear and apprehension is easily mistaken as disinterest by "normal" folk.

 

[vj288]

.........................

 

[Phoenixx]

Like many other users have said, sexual inexperience is actually quite common and how we perceive our own lack of experience typically impacts us more than it does other people. We always think certain experiences have to come at a specific age/range, when really it shouldn't, and doesn't always, matter.

I was also really self-conscious over the fact I hadn't even had my first kiss, let alone sex, before I started dating. I, too, thought guys would find it to be a major turn off that I was so inexperienced. While it may be a turn off for some, for others it definitely isn't. I have met more people than not that don't even care if the person their dating has any sexual experience of any kind.

 

[Metal_isthe_Answer]

I feel a little weird writing this but it's been bothering me for awhile, but i have been worrying that guys will find it a turn-off being a vrigin at my age. I also feel very immature to be my age and having no experience with guys at all or any social experience because of my sp. I feel so behind everyone else and i don't think a guy will want someone without any experience.What are your opinions?

You sound like the female equivalent of me. I'm a guy whos a 31 year old virgin and honestly, while I can understand the appeal of being with someone whose more experienced, I would prefer someone who is less experienced. I probably shouldn't, but I would probably be thinking of how I compare both in terms of physically and more so in quality.
So my two cents: I'm sure theres a good number of guys who wouldnt be bothered in the slightest about your inexperience.

 

[BlueDays]

.......To be honest, I don't think even men who get laid often with many women feel that great and realized either. The standards of society for what is normal, coming from mainstream media, political groups and forced cultural trends, to what is supposed to make us happy and satisfied have made the world a pretty miserable place.

^This is very true. If it were not, then there wouldn't be millions of people throughout the Western World that are on antidepressants, illegal drugs, over consuming alcohol etc.



To the OP, If you can wait until you find a man that is truly in love with you, he simply will not care whether you have sexual experience or not. If he loves you, it won't be an issue.

P.s. I am sure he would enjoy teaching you a thing or two anyway.

 

[kilojoule]

Op, I am in the same age-ish as you and I don't think there is anything wrong with that at all. I can think of at least one way in which you are extremely fortunate. Due to sexual transmission, the majority of the population is infected with the HPV virus of which there are over 40 types, 12 that are cancer causing, a few synonymous with cervical cancer. Pretty much ...well most cervical cancers are accompanied by HPV infection. Nowadays women can be vaccinated against this but in order for the vaccination to be effective it needs to happen before they are sexually active. Not having the sexually transmitted HPV is a major plus, you are in the very fortunate minority of women our age.

(And to anyone who gets a fright reading this...sorry dont mean to be scary. And no need to worry the majority of women have HPV but the majority do not have cervical cancer. The virus can lead to changes to in cells but the immune system usually wipes them out. Its important to get smear tests regularly though for this reason to check cells haven't changed too much. )

Despite what some feminists may think, women behaving like men in this department usually end up with a pretty low self-esteem, feeling worthless before their own eyes and also of their partners. This is natural, since how men and women feel and react to their sexual experiences differ considerably, even on a biological level. Men can deal better with both rejection and bad relationships, not because we are superior or something silly like that, but because of how human sexuality works. Not that I could imagine how being used to be rejected could make someone feel superior mind you, just making clear I'm not being sexist...

Without dragging this too much off topic this isn't necessarily true, its very generalized. While men in general are more adapted to casual sex women are more adapted than you'd think.(I know you weren't being sexist though I just always think this is interesting) I draw your attention to this excerpt from a recent study.

"1743 men and women who had experienced a one-night stand were asked to rate both their positive and negative feelings the following morning, in an internet survey."... " Eighty per cent of men had overall positive feelings about the experience compared to 54 per cent of women."

Campbell, A. (2008). The morning after the night before: Affective reactions to one-night stands among mated and unmated women and men. Human Nature 19(2): 157-173.

Also off topic but I think its interesting that our female ancestors were very well adapted to short term mating. Theres been a lot of articles about this especially recently its a topic thats been revived. Unfortunately there all pay to read but there is this general article in the guardian last year that I thought was very interesting. https://www.theguardian.com/science...amory-why-early-humans-werent-the-flintstones oh and also this link How to Make Love Like a Caveman | Big Think

 

[zharl]

From what I can tell, sex seems to be overrated.

I mean, no one wants to do the sexy-time with me, so it must not be that fun, right? RIGHT? What other reason could there be?

In all seriousness, I wouldn't worry about it so much. If you find someone who isn't interested because of "lack of experience," they probably weren't good dating material to begin with. ;-)

 

[Kamill]

I'm 24 years old and a virgin. It's not even so much the worry what a future bf would think (since I will never have one ) but feeling so disgusting/repulsive because no man will touch me.

 

[ronja]

I felt very behind too when I was a virgin and I remember that intimidating feeling where you think "OMG they are gonna know and they are gonna think bad about me"

What I did (and this is not the answer for all but it was fer me)- was that I just said to myself that the first one was only for sex, so I had no emotional reason really to have sex with him. I guess you could call it a learning exerience When I knew I didnt really care about what the guy thought of me, I felt fine about it. I know that is not the answer for all, some want and think it is very important to be emotionally involved especially when it is the first time, so you just have to think that out and know what is more imortant to you.

I think that we as humans and most esecially us with SA have too high expectations of ourselves, I know that I have.. we need to be better at saying F' it (no pun intended) and just go for things. Maybe we should just say that As long as we can wake up the next day and be alive, the previous day was a success.