Fear of being stared at: How do you cope with it?

[Timz]

Hi,

Do any of you ever get stared at? If so, how do you feel, and how do you cope with it? I really hate it. I find it invasive and insulting, but there doesn't seem to be much you can do. If you say something like "What are you staring at?" in a public place, such as a waiting room, you may cause a scene, which will only draw more negative attention to yourself. If you pretend not to notice, you can still feel it and others may notice that you are being stared at, which can make you feel paranoid.

I am socially phobic because of this issue, and in the last two days, I have had to go to waiting rooms for two different appointments, and both times I had a woman (they both had dark hair) staring at me up and down, giving me funny looks (and no, it wasn't because they fancied me!). On both occasions, I found myself staring at them silently with disapproval in my eyes about what they were doing, but it left me so angry that I could have attacked them, and I obsess over it afterward (I never forget these events).

The one today was in a dentist's waiting room, and I cannot describe just how rude this woman was as she stared at me. Our eyes locked for a few good long seconds until she looked away, but again, I was left reeling inside. When I had to get up (I had to fill out a form with my details), I was so paranoid that I forgot the date and the year and had to ask the receptionist, which added to my paranoia and sense of humiliation.

It makes me feel like I cannot go or do anything socially for fear of this happening.

I Googled about this and found these mental health sites that call it "the fear of being stared at," which I think is a fancy-sounding name. It seems to be saying that for those of us who get stared at, it's our fault and we have a disorder that needs treatment. But what about the ignorant people doing this? Why don't they have a disorder that needs treatment?

I mean, if you see kids staring at someone, their parents usually teach them not to stare because it's rude. So why is it that when adults do it to us, it's supposed to be our problem? Where are our rights to not have to suffer the offense of being stared at?

 

[WeirdyMcGee]

I get stared at constantly, so much so that the person staring gets into an accident because they weren't paying attention to where or what they were supposed to be doing.

How do I deal with it?

I don't leave my room.

I'm agoraphobic and avoid going out, especially into public places, specifically because I don't like people looking at me.

I would wear a bag over my head, but that would just draw attention to me for a different reason, and I'd still feel self-conscious and stupid.

Staring does happen, but people are living their lives and doing their own things, and I try to remember that they're probably not staring at me specifically. They're probably too busy dealing with their lives to judge or fixate on me, and it wouldn't matter even if they were.

Even after seven months of therapy and CBT, I haven't made any progress in actually believing this, though.

I'm still terrified to go anywhere because I know people will stare like they always do, and I don't like it.

It's just something you have to learn to ignore, I suppose.

 

[cesgrandsyeux]

Yeah, I get stared at. It's annoying, it's weird......
Why do you think they stare at you?

 

[planemo]

I absolutely detest being looked at and stared by others. Most people think I'm being irrational when I think people stare at me and for the most part it's true, but on some occasions it has happened when people just can't take away their eyes and keep looking at me for an extended period, and I have spotted them doing this. It can't be that I'm male-model-good-looking, coz I'm certainly not, and so it only makes me feel more of a freak.

I'm sorry to hear that WeirdyMcGee. I was the same, and only meds give me the courage to go out, which is rare and usually quite traumatic - but at least it's progress on my part, which I must admit I didn't think would ever happen. How are you coping with the fear of leaving home? I know it's made my life very restrictive and unpleasant.

I'm the same I just can't shake off the feeling of being fixated on thus feeling like -a freak on display in a carnival, when I go outside.

 

[Depression Glass]

I'm terrified of being stared at and judged and don't leave my house either.

The only thing I've found that works is to think of excuses for them. Reasons why they're probably not thinking bad things. Like, "Maybe they are tired and just zoning out. Maybe I remind them of someone. Maybe they think I'm really attractive. Maybe they like my shirt. Maybe they have anxiety too and are scared of me and monitoring my movements."

It also works for when people are abrasive or rude to you. "Maybe they just broke up with their boyfriend. Maybe their boss chewed them out earlier. Maybe I remind them of someone they don't like. Maybe they are sick and trying not to puke. Maybe they are worried about paying their bills. Maybe they have a child who is sick and they are impatient to get home." Etc.

I have a really bad tendency to assume people are thinking the worst about me, and my self-image is TERRIBLE. Any random look from someone and I'm usually thinking "They must think I'm a hideous lumbering freak and that I smell horrible and must be stupid and awful and mean and that I should go back inside and never come out lest I gross anyone else out by existing..." Making excuses (as above) really helps me though. I hope it can help someone else.

 

[Blabla..]

I hate it too , in fact , if i was invisible i could spend an entire day in a crowded place enjoying myself .

 

[nightcrawler]

I absolutely HATE being stared at. It makes me extremely self-conscious, which then makes me go bright red, then you notice the other person(s) staring even more cos you've gone red. For this reason I hate public places where you will be sitting opposite other people, eg waiting rooms, the underground train/tube/subway (whatever it's called in your country ). I haven't been on the subway for years - it's all my worst fears coming together at once...packed with people, highly claustrophobic, and people staring at you

 

[Blabla..]

It's funny , as soon as someone stares at me , i become too self conscious and forget how to walk naturally , i feel like a stiff robot.

 

[MaliceInWickedland]

It's funny , as soon as someone stares at me , i become too self conscious and forget how to walk naturally , i feel like a stiff robot.

This.

I get stared at all the time, and no, it's not because I think I'm drop-dead gorgeous (pfft, yeah right ) that people can't keep their eyes off me. I literally catch people looking at me wherever I go, and I can't help but think that I have hairy nipples sprouting all over my face or something. Just like Blabla said, I get so self-conscious when it happens that I forget how to walk naturally and feel like a walking plank.

I guess people really don't have anything better to do.

 

[R3X]

Yeah, I get stared at a lot. The worst is when people point fingers and whisper to each other. I don't know why though. I guess I look weird since I'm not that fashion-conscious, lol, but other than that, I think I'm pretty normal. I've been called paranoid, but if it's so obvious that someone is staring, how can I still be called paranoid? I really can't understand some people.

Well, since we're in the same boat or should I say ship? Haha. My tip is to just ignore them. Yeah, it's not easy since we're quite sensitive, but that's the only way without needing to confront those people unless you want to. Lol. Just ignore and don't give a damn about them. Be less sensitive. That's what I'm trying to do, and so far, it's working.

 

[LazyHermitCrab]

Same here, but sometimes I stare at people to see if they're staring at me... I'm going to try to break that habit, though.

 

[R3X]

It's funny , as soon as someone stares at me , i become too self conscious and forget how to walk naturally , i feel like a stiff robot.

Hello there, fellow "robot"! Hahaha. I'm pretty much the same. The moment I realize someone is staring at me, I become self-conscious and forget how to walk naturally. It's embarrassing, really, because I start to trip and fall. Plus, the fact that I'm very clumsy makes it worse.

 

[zoulaykha]

I've been there, in exactly the same situations. I know how it makes you feel - it's outrageous. But with time, I got over it. Maybe what I did wasn't very healthy, but I was ready to do anything, ANYTHING, just to avoid that feeling of emptiness inside of me. That big hole inside your chest, black and deep. I tried to stare back at them until they stop looking, but it doesn't work. After that, you just feel worse about yourself. I tried to get some nerve to just ignore them. When you walk into a room, even though you know you're going to be stared at, when you're reading a magazine or just looking through the window, you can't avoid it. You just ignore it, and even if they catch you anxious or scared, it doesn't matter. The hell with them! It's part of me being me - in certain situations, I get scared. That's who I am, and if they don't like it, it's their problem, not mine! Of course, this doesn't always work, but it really prevented me from hurting myself, being hard on myself, and crying and being miserable all the time. It helps, but it's just a temporary solution.

 

[kilojoule]

Alright, I'm going to share something with you.

People stare at you because they're fascinated. They see you but they never get to interact with you, so you become shrouded in mystique. I always think of that scene (yes, forgive me world, haha) from Romeo and Juliet where Leo is sitting on the beach alone, having a cigarette, and contemplating life. That's the mystique. Who watched that scene and didn't want to bring him a cup of tea and have a chat? Didn't it seem like he had something interesting going on in his head? Well, the world is nosey and when they see someone like that, they immediately want to crawl into their brain and see what they're thinking about.

Furthermore, if you stare at them to see if they're staring at you , what exactly do you expect? Haha.

 

[kilojoule]

As soon as I open my mouth, the fascination ends. Hahaha. My words all dribble out and I come out with such nonsense, like "Do you think cats can be racist toward other cats?"

 

[WeirdyMcGee]

Yesterday or the day before, maybe it was last week, I don't know. The days blend together when you never leave the house. Anyway, recently when I went out with my mom to go to the library and pick out a book, I was waiting by the car for her to bring back the parking slip and a guy rode by on his bicycle. I was hiding behind my sunglasses- trying not to look freaked out that he was staring. He rode past and I stared at the ground until I heard a crash in the distance. I looked up and saw that he had crashed into a fire hydrant and flown off his bike onto the ground.
That's literally the fourth accident that I believe I have directly caused in the past year. It happens almost every time I leave the house, and it's really embarrassing. One day, I'll end up indirectly murdering someone, and I'll go to jail for it. XD

 

[Invisibleman]

Yes and I hate it.At school in the halls it feels like everybody is staring at me.Most of the time I look up and they are.Its why when im in public I mainly walk with my head down and my hat over my eyes so nobody can really see me.

 

[A86]

Unfortunately for me, I am over 2 meters tall and weigh 130 kg, so I tend to stand out in public places. I avoid them to the extreme. There are people who stare without any shame and others who try to hide their glances. I try to justify it to myself, thinking that I would probably stare too if I saw something out of the norm, it's only natural... but oh god, I hate the staring, how much I hate it.

 

[kilojoule]

Unfortunately for me, I am over 2 meters tall and weigh 130 kg, so I tend to stand out in public places. I avoid them to the extreme. There are people who stare without any shame and others who try to hide their glances. I try to justify it to myself, thinking that I would probably stare too if I saw something out of the norm, it's only natural... but oh god, I hate the staring, how much I hate it.

Translation: 6'6" and 287lbs... I think... (haha sorry, I can't handle meters and kg, my brain implodes - I felt the need to translate).

There's nothing wrong with causing guys to crash into walls That's a guy's way of saying he finds you attractive. Men communicate completely differently.

 

[Agent_Violet]

My husband once crashed his car because he was staring at me while I was sleeping in the passenger seat. I hate being stared at by anyone other than him. I know he's doing it because he's a horny little turd, but when other people do it, I just don't know how to feel. I walk out of the house feeling sexy and beautiful, but when someone stares at me in public, I feel ugly and awkward.