Fantasy

[Coper]

How do you feel about escapist fantasy? I'm thinking in particular of fantasy in the form of novels, movies, video games, comics etc., but I don't just mean fantasy as in the genre of The Lord of the Rings; I mean any sort of fiction that lets you escape from your own life into something more exciting or exotic.

I've had a love/hate relationship with fantasy for a long time. It can be quite emotionally intense to really get into a fantasy, whether it's someone else's creation or something I make up myself. At some point, however, you have to snap back to reality, and that tends to be a bit of a letdown. Also, fantasizing makes me feel like an inferior person. I tell myself that if I weren't so held back by my shyness, I could have real-life experiences that would make any fantasy I could have pale in comparison. As it is, it's real life that tends to suffer by comparison to fantasy, at least for me. I suspect the same is true for a lot of people with SA. Perhaps the reason I feel so negative about fantasizing is that I've internalized the negative stereotypes that people have associating fantasy with nerdiness, shyness and introversion. The example of Henry Darger sticks out in my mind as the personification of the stereotype of the fantasist as socially defective person.

In any case, I feel like, at this point in my life, I've more or less put fantasy in its proper place in my life, as something I can experience for fun occasionally, but not become preoccupied with emotionally. There is one glaring exception to this state of affairs, however: love. It has become apparent to me that many female characters in works of fantasy are essentially designed to cause the reader/player/whatever to fall in love with them, and I am very susceptible to their come-ons.

Sometimes, I think that if real-life love never works out for me, I should just cut my losses and accept fantasy as a substitute. I can draw well, so I could be one of those guys who apparently spend all their free time drawing pornographic comics with their favorite characters. Or maybe I could just get way into Second Life. I don't think I'll ever really do anything like that, but sometimes I like to fantasize about it. :roll:

 

[TheWall]

I've had a love/hate relationship with fantasy for a long time. It can be quite emotionally intense to really get into a fantasy, whether it's someone else's creation or something I make up myself. At some point, however, you have to snap back to reality, and that tends to be a bit of a letdown. Also, fantasizing makes me feel like an inferior person. I tell myself that if I weren't so held back by my shyness, I could have real-life experiences that would make any fantasy I could have pale in comparison. As it is, it's real life that tends to suffer by comparison to fantasy, at least for me. I suspect the same is true for a lot of people with SA. Perhaps the reason I feel so negative about fantasizing is that I've internalized the negative stereotypes that people have associating fantasy with nerdiness, shyness and introversion. The example of Henry Darger sticks out in my mind as the personification of the stereotype of the fantasist as socially defective person.:roll:

Yep, I totally understand this.

 

[Plissken]

Escapism into books, movies, games is all I have anymore. I can't live a normal life, so I'll live life through them. It can be painful sometimes, because I want so badly for it to be real in a way. I don't know what else I would do with my time though. I would be kind of sitting here even more "alone," unable to leave my problems behind.

So I definitely see where you're coming from except I've taken it to more of an extreme.

 

[Strong_Silent_One]

I have learnt that fantasy does no good to me cause when i "fantazise" i tend to identify myself with heroes and tough guys and so -you see...all i'm not in real life- that means when i go back to reality i find out i'm not a hero, not a tough guy, not a first character in life, but just the looser everyone jokes about... and of course that doesn't make me happy at all.

 

[faithnomore]

Well, by watching some shows and movies, i can see deeper meanings, and character interaction. Its interesting to see how fictional characters get on. The way society works is unfair, but there is a set way of getting somewhere in life, and i don't like it!

 

[xSleepy]

ha, im so dumb...

 

[bretters]

i completly identifie with you coper.

After years of fantasy i want to at least cut down on it, its a good escape but i feel i rely on it far to much. It makes real life much harder sometimes, snapping back from them and having the shock of being you and not that is to much.

i have to admit though - it makes me wanna chase things, but its a downer cause those things are very hard to get for someone with S/A.

 

[Coper]

i completly identifie with you coper.

After years of fantasy i want to at least cut down on it, its a good escape but i feel i rely on it far to much. It makes real life much harder sometimes, snapping back from them and having the shock of being you and not that is to much.

i have to admit though - it makes me wanna chase things, but its a downer cause those things are very hard to get for someone with S/A.

You mean fantasy motivates you to try to change, and have a more exciting real life? I've felt that way, like I see some movie love-story and realize that my life sucks in comparison, and I say "Everything I want is out there, just waiting for me to go out and get it. Things are gonna be different from now on. I'm a new man! Look out, world!"

Of course it comes to nothing. I've never changed anything about my life by impulsively hurling myself into the kinds of social situations that I'm afraid of. When I try to do that I just end up chickening out or embarrassing myself. What progress I've made against shyness has come from slow, painful, incremental exposure to my phobias.

 

[princess_haru]

I've always been a daydreamer - almost every school report I got said something along the lines of "works well but needs to get her head out of the clouds and stop daydreaming so much" :roll: I must've spent half my childhood with my nose in a book, but I don't regret it. I love the escapism of music, books, art and films and I know I couldn't keep away from it even if I wanted to!

 

[imitation7of7life]

...

 

[dpr]

How do you feel about escapist fantasy? I'm thinking in particular of fantasy in the form of novels, movies, video games, comics etc., but I don't just mean fantasy as in the genre of The Lord of the Rings; I mean any sort of fiction that lets you escape from your own life into something more exciting or exotic.

I use music as a way to escape every single day. But TV and movies really bother me, I think they may even exacerbate my SP.

Don't get me wrong, I love lots of movies and some TV shows. But the way the dialogue and character interaction is so fluid and ushered along is not real! I think watching too much TV can cause someone to expect their social interactions to be as smooth and fluid and choreographed as those on TV, but they never will be. And it's a good thing that they never will be, because that's reality and we should learn to accept reality for what it is.

On TV, problems are solved in 30 minutes and every character has something witty or profound to say whenever prompted. Oh yeah and hot girls love fat guys apparently, if you go by what sitcoms have been attempting to teach us. I dunno man, TV is fucked up.

 

[Kamen]

My imagination is one of my most important traits. Sometimes, I escape into fantasy world either by using movies, music, games, books or my own reveries and creations. This was even stronger in childhood when I frequently associated myself with certain heros. So others often see me as being in the clouds, absent-minded, not interested and so on...

 

[edgarapoo]

Imagination is important for everyone. I used to punish myself for daydreaming so much, because I thought that was the reason I wasn't getting better. Really, though, I feel much better now that I don't worry about daydreaming "too much". If you focus on the positive things you do in the real world instead of feeling guilty because of fantasy, you'll improve yourself much more.

And about fantasy as a genre, I've never been that into it. I watch the Lord of the Rings movies, but I've never read the books. I prefer fantasy that's more like Pan's Labyrinth or Spirited Away. These seem to be more about expressing emotions and ideas rather than providing any kind of escape.

 

[Kamen]

True, imagination is important to everyone just as intelligence and eyes are important because it has its function - to bring novelty and evolution. But I mean, when it is among the most prominent characteristics of one's personality which makes it even more important to us, creative people and dreamers, because it's our home where we are not lonely worrying strangers. Without this and without creating, maybe I wouldn't find sense in existence, I would feel more miserable, lonely and bored of life. I like to use alternative states of consciousness to dive deeper and receive ideas in purer form. Also, dreams are related to fantasy. My dreams are pretty weird to the point that it's hard for me to explain them in reality; they may appear schizophrenic.

 

[hbanana11]

I find my escape mostly in books and sometimes movies. It allows me to forget reality and picture myself in a fantasy world. In some ways, i think that it relieves my stress and anxiety but at the same time it seems like poison. I always enjoy fictional stories and i love feeling like im having some sort of adventure like the characters in the story but then it makes me realize even more how dull and pathetic my life is. I wish i could be a character in a story. But life isn't a fairytale

 

[princess_haru]

I use music as a way to escape every single day. But TV and movies really bother me, I think they may even exacerbate my SP.

Don't get me wrong, I love lots of movies and some TV shows. But the way the dialogue and character interaction is so fluid and ushered along is not real! I think watching too much TV can cause someone to expect their social interactions to be as smooth and fluid and choreographed as those on TV, but they never will be. And it's a good thing that they never will be, because that's reality and we should learn to accept reality for what it is.

On TV, problems are solved in 30 minutes and every character has something witty or profound to say whenever prompted. Oh yeah and hot girls love fat guys apparently, if you go by what sitcoms have been attempting to teach us. I dunno man, TV is ****ed up.

Sorry for digging up an old post but I was away from the site for a long time and didn't see it before, and have to reply to this! I know just what you mean about TV (especially sitcoms) twisting people's perception of normal interaction. It's probably not a problem to someone who has a "normal" social life and gets to see how most people behave in everyday life, but when I was a teen I didn't really go out at all except for school (and I didn't speak to anyone there except for my one friend) so I tried to pick up tips from watching people on TV! :: It always seemed that TV people had the perfect answer ready for every question and could think of something amusing to say at the drop of a hat, which made me feel even more inadequate. Watching lots of TV and sitcoms when you're feeling isolated just makes things worse ::

 

[princess_haru]

Sometimes watching a sitcom about people makes me feel less alone. I don't see this as a bad thing.

True, it's not all bad, but I think it sometimes gives us unrealistic expectations of how people will behave. It's probably like chocolate; good in small doses but too much makes ya feel sick

 

[Nl54]

I've always loved fantasy because I find reality boring and tedious. Games, movies, black metal, mind fantasies, love it all

 

[dpr]

Sorry for digging up an old post but I was away from the site for a long time and didn't see it before, and have to reply to this! I know just what you mean about TV (especially sitcoms) twisting people's perception of normal interaction. It's probably not a problem to someone who has a "normal" social life and gets to see how most people behave in everyday life, but when I was a teen I didn't really go out at all except for school (and I didn't speak to anyone there except for my one friend) so I tried to pick up tips from watching people on TV! :: It always seemed that TV people had the perfect answer ready for every question and could think of something amusing to say at the drop of a hat, which made me feel even more inadequate. Watching lots of TV and sitcoms when you're feeling isolated just makes things worse ::

Yeah always perfect. The perfect clothes, the perfect comebacks, the perfect thing to say to comfort someone. And then when we fail to meet this perfection in our real lives, it's weird cuz we ten to say to ourselves, "If only I could be like <so-and-so TV character>," which is really messed up cuz a perfect life would be totally boring!

You're right, it's worse for an isolated person, because they could be looking to TV for "clues" on how to behave "better," especially if they think that they aren't fitting in because they aren't appearing "cool enough" or "funny enough" to their peers. "Well the people in my class all find the show Friends funny, so maybe if I act like Chandler, they will accept me."

Or dress like Kanye West or do my makeup like Paris Hilton, etc.

I think it psychologically ****s with "normal people" also, because sitcoms, like commercials are just big demonstrations on how to live your life. You can see this in any commercial, ya know? I saw this commercial for Unilock stone fireplaces the other day. Those outdoor fireplaces. It was littered with phrases like, "You'll be the talk of the neighborhood," and "Your family and friends will envy you." i.e. "If you buy this, and you will be cool. You're not cool without it. You need this." And of course it shows a good-looking guy dressed in preppy abercrombie-type clothes (beige shorts, sandals, short-sleeved plaid button-on shirt with collar popped) making food for his friends in front of his fireplace. And the viewers (or "marks") are at home watching it and think, "That could be me!"

It's the same thing with sitcoms. Remember back in the 80s, no sitcom would ever touch the gay jokes like "Will and Grace" does now, but they had no problem doing flat-out homophobic episodes, where the underlying message is "a man should be with a woman." Or all the terribly one-sided "drug episodes" or sitcoms, I must have seen a billion of those from "Who's The Boss" to "Growing Pains," and they are all the exact same premise...

Kid star of the show goes to party where everyone is doing drugs. His friends attempt to pressure him into trying said drugs. He refuses and goes home. He tells his parents because he feels guilty (even though he did nothing wrong?). His parents tell them they're proud of him for not trying the bad, evil drugs and of course... something terrible happens to his friends (they get addicted, end up in jail, OD, etc.)

I've never ever seen a sitcom where the kid tries the drugs, and then makes up his own mind about whether he liked the experience or didn't like it and then decides to do it again, or not to do it again. Why? Because TV can't be like reality. You can't show a kid whose opinion on drugs might differ from the (slim) majority, because TV has to tell us how to live our lives! It doesn't provoke thought, it forcibly throws thought at you. They don't call it "programming" for nothing lol.

I love movies much more, because with movies there is the freedom and capability to be more realistic. I can't think of my favorite movies right now, but "Lost In Translation" comes to mind. "Kids," "Happiness."

There is SOME good TV, but it seems like it's all on HBO (Sopranos, etc).

Anyway /rant.

 

[Ashiene]

I am forever trapped in my fantasy worlds, where I am a completely different person, where I go on great adventures to distant lands, where I have lots of freedom and a mermaid for a girlfriend, where I keep lots of cute animals, where I have a huge and beautiful garden filled with exotic fruits, where I am far away from civilisation, where I am in paradise...