Fantasizing about the opposite sex..does that take the place of real life love?

[TooShyShy]

Can that be enough for the rest of your life..fantasizing about the person you want, but are to afraid to be with? Does the fantasy become obsessive ever?

 

[hippiechild]

Rather than filling in the void, I think it ends up doing quite the opposite... You make the empty place even larger, more empty and needy. The more you think about it without some form of satisfaction, the more crave it. Not only does this make you want more, it makes you think that the object of your fantasy actually is more important than it ever ought to have been. Like, you've just spent 10 years obsessing over a woman. You might end up thinking that she's actually your entire purpose for living. You did just devote ten years to her after all! She must be important, really important, something to stake your life on maybe! After a while you may forget that there are other options. Having thought about one person for so long, it's hard to imagine any alternatives. This is unhealthy thinking that cannot possibly lead to anything good.

I think that it's best to find an outlet for your desires rather than bottling them up. If something is truly beyond your reach, then maybe you should find something else to take its stead. Nobody should be so important that your only source of gratification is fantasizing about them. While fantasies are fine, you also deserve to go out and experience real love from another living, breathing human.

 

[kuhtreen]

Rather than filling in the void, I think it ends up doing quite the opposite... You make the empty place even larger, more empty and needy. The more you think about it without some form of satisfaction, the more crave it. Not only does this make you want more, it makes you think that the object of your fantasy is more important than it ever should have been. Like, you've just spent 10 years obsessing over a woman. You might end up thinking that she's actually your entire purpose for living. You did just devote ten years to her after all! She must be important, really important, something to stake your life on maybe! After a while you may forget that there are other options. Having thought about one person for so long, it's hard to imagine any alternatives. This is unhealthy thinking that cannot possibly lead to anything good.

Wow, I can't even say anything after that. :: That was a really good answer.

 

[lurknomore]

Great post hippie
I can only add that with too much fantasizing, we tend to start thinking our fantasies are the reality... when that's probably not even close to the truth. We can fantasize about a person to the point where we think that they are perfect/ideal/etc., that they are the only one for us, that we know them so well, but we really don't know them at all. If you are never going to try to make something a reality, it might not be a big deal, but if you are ever seriously going to pursue a person, it would be better to come out of the fantasy world and see the person for who they really are, for good or for bad.

 

[JCS008]

Nothing takes the place of real love. Even if you do "have someone" but you need to make sure that you truly love them as a person. Too often people settle down with someone just because they're afraid of being alone or they just don't have the heart to end a relationship that's not working. You can fool others, but you can't fool yourself.

 

[mikestar]

It might not be the opposite sex

But yeah it does seem like its allways going to be fantasy for me but hey wait and see

 

[Scrabbl]

Hippie and lurk are absolutely right.

and these days I don't even have standards any more lol. Like right now I have a crush on this girl. And when I ask myself what I like about her I can't even list 3 things. And she's not even cute lol.. I'm trying really hard to stop thinking about her. It's extremely frustrating.

 

[Darker Than Black]

I'll rather kill myself if that happens, its a coward way out, I know

 

[this_portrait]

I fantasize almost 24/7 about the opposite sex. As much as I fantasize, I could be dating. =/

 

[Kinetik]

I often loosely fantasize about girls, but those fantasies aren't based on anyone real. It's like I create fictitious partners in my mind who have the traits that I most desire. But no, I never get hung up on actual people in the real world.

 

[Noca]

Fantasizing is okay as long as you dont take it to the next level of stalking or being a creep.

 

[Illusions]

I've fantasised about the opposite sex many times before (either people I know in real life or vaguely imagined characters). The most frustrating part is that I probably could start something with certain people if I were to take some kind of action. Except that I'm too scared. Sigh.

 

[crestfallen.]

I agree with hippiechild and lurknomore as well. Fantasizing about the opposite sex will never be able to take the place of real love. Instead, I think fantasizing about people we'll never share our feelings with only creates more loneliness, because of wanting that fantasy to be real (yet it won't be as long as it never becomes real). And the time spent idealizing this person could be better spent trying to develop real-life relationships. It's easier said than done, but the pain of trying to develop them has to be more worthwhile than using a dream relationship to cope with the suffering that comes with never having a real relationship.

Sadly, I know what it's like to create a fictional relationship with someone I was attracted to, yet never truly knew and never attempted to reach out to them (even as a friend, because I felt that lonely) until I was way too late. I spent 4 years idealizing this person, wishing that they could be my girlfriend one day. Only late in year 3 did I tell them what I felt needed to be said. Perhaps during those four years, maybe there was someone who liked me the same way I liked this stranger. Or maybe not. But I'll never know...

 

[Rxqueen]

I fantasize about guys daily and like everyone else said it doesn't do anything great for the reality that I live in. In my fantasies I'm loved, noticed and open, but in reality I'm still lonely and overlooked. Coming out of that fantasy is like the night after a hangover everything hurts and I wish I could take it all back. But then I continue doing it because it seems like the only relationship I could ever have with the opposite sex: an imaginary one. Somedays I wish I could just have one moment that was as fulfilling as my daydreams, but as usual my SP takes over and I'm just a silent girl sitting in the dark....it sucks ass...