Family

[chris11]

I'm just curious about this. I was wondering what personality traits the parents of people with social anxiety typically have, and also, how much a child (adult w/e) with social anxiety typically idenitifies with their parents. In my case, my Father's thoughts are almost entirely based upon emotions, and he throws fits at trivial things, and assumes that everyone who does something he dosen't like did it for a motivation that he considers inferior to his own. My mother is quite introverted, and I don't really know her at all actually. My father is also an introvert. I don't identify myself with any of my two parents beyond the fact that I'm introverted. I really don't have many similarities with my parents (from what I can tell). We are very different people, and I would not talk to them if they didn't raise me (no offense intended).

 

[Azael]

My father is exactly the same! I couldn't be more different than him. However I do take after my mother very much.

 

[theslowesthand]

For people with SA, its almost certain that there is at least one family member, or relative, or ancestor, that has got some form of SA/etc disorder.

My mother is also quiet quite, shy & introverted. Also on her side, her sister has had some major psychiatric problems (hospitalized, shock treatment, etc). Also her cousin - he jumped off this major harbour bridge (twice).
Not so much drama mental-health-wise, on my fathers side. They are all high-energy doers (the opposite of me). But he's affected me not so much with genes, but with how he treated me, & how he deals with life. He's a VERY domineering, pretty major control-freak, and has a "wicked" temper. So, he has in effect, "controlled me with fear" my whole life, basically forcing me into developing a "submissive" personality, and not allowing me (or anyone else in family) to voice their issues with him, and especially to never express our anger/irritation/etc in front of him (as it would trigger his crazy-violent temper). So basically, he's a "nutter", so i guess i have also inherited some of that from his side. There just doesn't seem to be any NAMES for the genetic problems he's given me - violent-temper disorder? control-freak disorder? negative-irritable-feisty disorder? bottled-passive-aggressive disorder?. Mind you, the bugger almost did die many years ago (kind of wish he did, as i'd be WAY better off now??), due to a bacterial infection of the brain. According to mum, he was quite a control-freak/etc before it, but after he was even more so (i think it probably screwed-up his mind/brain permanently; quite often he does seems incredibly "thick"). Unsure if this brain-infection was before or after his "beating" of mum on occasion (ie to force her to "do as she was told"). What a f-wit-loser of a father to have, eh, for ANYONE? (let alone for sby with anxiety/nervous-disorders)

Anyway what i'm saying, is that although i share a few common traits, i have never "identified" with either of my parents, as we are basically "different species". They're possibly the worst-possible parents that i could have had, for my development as a human being. The damage they have caused me is fairly immense & quite possibly irrepairable, but is of a nature that only i can see/know, not them, nor other family members or relatives. This damage has been done on many different fronts, over many many years, and only i know about this damage (they're clueless about it)

(rant over!)

 

[Mickery]

I identify strongly in some ways, not at all in others. Neither of my parents had any kind of major problems, in fact I can't think of anything much to point to other than a lack of socialization and an overdone cotton-wool approach to parenting. I'm sure both of those things are partly to blame, but I have a very good upbringing really. I guess it's a combination of many things.

In fact, if you want to be a bit meta about it, having a good upbringing is hard to bear because it highlights how little I have achieved even with head start.

 

[Graeme1988]

My mother is fairly introverted, at times. Though, she handles social situation with alot more ease than I do, despite her own anxiety issues.

My father - not that I have much contact with him - comes across as someone who likes things to be done his way, on his terms, quite stubborn, really. I don't think he likes admitting he's wrong sometimes. I suppose, that where my personality trait of perfectionism - and being a bit of a control freak at times - comes from, be it directly or indirectly.

Those are about the only personality traits or similarities I have in common with my parents.

 

[Section_31]

My mother had issues with people, but then my mother was SEVERELY unstable and refused to try to seek any form of help, it was always everyone elses fault.

She went nuts one night and stabbed my dad several times, i think in large part due to her mental condition. Obviously they are divorced now. But she had several antisocial tendencies and such, and my dad is very good with people but also a very private man.

I have my moms issues but not anywhere NEAR to her degree, and unlike her i recognize its a problem and i need help. Luckily ive been able to get it and become a relatively functioning member of society. At least enough to get by and stay off the radar and survive.

 

[WeirdyMcGee]

I take after my father in looks and personality and am almost nothing like my mother--- opposites in many ways.
Dad was physical and played alot of sports with us, took us swimming and tobogganing during the days-- then worked night shifts.
He let us watch horror movies even though they gave us nightmares.
Dad was protective and a bit paranoid as a young father.
He kept a close eye on us when we were near but encouraged us to go out and do things that we wanted to do.
He didn't push too much or have any unrealistic goals for us.
Dad didn't have favourites.

I do get along very well with my mother.
She was hard working and always had the house cleaned- made sure we were bathed and dressed in clean clothes and so on...
Didn't yell if we made a mess but taught us to pick up after ourselves.
Mom got angry much more than dad ever did but it wasn't to the point of being abusive. (more like OCD panic attack that things weren't perfect)
Mom probably had more 'unrealistic goals' for us; as we were always going to be poor but she wanted us to get the best educations possible and have everything we wanted.
She lived in a bit of a fantasy to keep herself from going insane, I think.
My sister was the favourite until my brother came along; then he was.

 

[9407]

My mom is quiet and doesn't have any friends, but she's not shy like me. My brother is different. He has friends that he goes out with and actually has a life. (Unlike me and my mom)

 

[Twinkel<3]

Hmm well, my father was very selfish, defencive, He has a very short temper, nothing is ever his fault, he treated my mother like dirt really (emotionally, never physically). he is a child in an adult body. his list of prootities are his motorbike, then his work, then his friends and then his kids, and right at the verry bottom is my mother. I must admit is get my defencivness from him using jokes and cynicalness.

My Mother is very loving though she was always at work from what i remember. She is very defensive as well. I have 2 brothers and one of them has ADHD, he had a lot if difficulty growing up, and needed a lot of support and 1:1, and me and my other brother were pusshed to the side. Mum tried her best she loved us and worked hard to give us nice things. But i did learn be self sufficient and independant, to be content in my own comapny i guess iv just took it a bit far.

Lol sorry for the (kind of) rant.

Twinkel xxx

 

[theslowesthand]

my mom is quiet and doesn't have any friends, but she's not shy like me. My brother is different. He has friends that he goes out with and actually has a life. (unlike me and my mom)

SNAp .....

 

[OnOccasions122]

Hi first post :T lol
I had a good up bringing from what i know. My father is a little shy, but a business savvy hard-nosed leader at work, not so much at home. my father is an inspiration to me in story. We came to this country with nothing and he's worked almost non stop to get us where we are now (middle class not like im rich but money isn't everything to me n have come a long way to live comfortable) without a college degree and a language he just learned as he went. But I'm not like him, I took his pride in a sense, credit him for being at least slightly intelligent, and monkey see monkey do attraction to liquor. but i lack his drive, he never really had the patience or the time to teach me how to be like him (a man) ive been learning through observing n trial n error many errors in my own life but ive noticed that i'll never really be like him even tho he's always expected me to be far better then him n compares me to his twin (who passed away when he was 21 i never got a chance to meet him but share his looks and "have a bigger heart" like he did) and when it came to matters of my upbringing he would hand the job to my mom and still had the nerve to complain if she did bad job. I'm closer to my mother although i do feel like the outkast of the family either way but she was very protective of me i was the baby of the family but i dont blame her she lost a daughter a year and a half before i was born and i had to stay in the hospital for a little while because of the same condition at birth but i always overheard how she was teased for "spoiling" me n being a little protective which always made me feel like i didnt deserve it n led to a little extra false pride or machismo growing up in an attempt to not be a baby or mommas boy. But in personality she was out going charismatic but jealous, manipulative, and a frequent fibber lol. I'll stop here cuz i feel bad for writing so much, but I've always admired how people can just vent here and usually end up on this site when im down and use google as my friend to confide in, I've rarely had people who i can let down my guard with even now i feel a lil dumb but everyone here seems like really nice people and you really dont feel as alone when u come here so thanks to everybody here and i hope this helped your research i've always wondered if its nature or nurture that made us who we are as well

 

[coyote]

Hi, and welcome to the forum.

 

[Nanita]

My father has difficulties with people, meaning he doesnt like a lot of people, he is kind of a snob and makes fun of people if they arent clever or whatever.
My mother used to be very shy as a younger woman, and she would never speak her mind or express her opinion, she would just let people walk all over her. But when she got older she began being more outgoing. To me it seems she is trying to have a lot of safety in life, doesnt do anything fun or anything drastic, just to be on the safe side, which I think makes her so boring.
I am afraid I am in some ways like both my parents.