Family Tormentors

[planemo]

Anyone else have them? I've had many including some from my immediate family and extended family (relatives). I know one particular cousin loved associating me with a particular derogatory term, a few others discuss my avoidance with other people and laugh about it, and another cousin (who knows I'm very self conscious) starts laughing every time he sees me.

it's true family are your biggest detractors...

 

[Agent_Violet]

my mother. she loves to show me these pretty clothes she bought insist that i try them on...knowing she's a size 6 and i'm around a 10. It really makes me feel like sh*t.

she has something negative to say about everything. If I tell her something sweet my husband did, she'll always come back with something negative about him.

i hate it.

 

[Waybuloo]

my mother. she loves to show me these pretty clothes she bought insist that i try them on...knowing she's a size 6 and i'm around a 10. It really makes me feel like sh*t.

she has something negative to say about everything. If I tell her something sweet my husband did, she'll always come back with something negative about him.

i hate it.

Gosh she sounds like a narcissist. My mum has a negative effect on the people closest to her and i'm still trying to heal from it. I suggest you try to emotionally distance yourself from her, read some books on narcissistic parents and emotional abuse. My mum sort of shows off her bfs and social life to me, and tell me that my life is ****, i'm living like a pensioner, and bla bla, always showing contempt for my life.

 

[Waybuloo]

Anyone else have them? I've had many including some from my immediate family and extended family (relatives). I know one particular cousin loved associating me with a particular derogatory term, a few others discuss my avoidance with other people and laugh about it, and another cousin (who knows I'm very self conscious) starts laughing every time he sees me.

it's true family are your biggest detractors...

Why don't you ask your parents why your cousins do this, so that at least your parents know about it? Are your cousins just really ****ty people in general or do they act all nice with other people only to deride you when it's safe? Dream up some derogatory things to say about them, that you know will hit the sore spots. If that cousin laughs at you everytime they see you, point them back and laugh too, especially at an unflattering body part. It's not nice to stoop to their level, but they should get a taste for their own medicine. Or say something like 'you have to make fun of someone who you think is weaker to make you feel better about your own ****ty life?'

 

[Agent_Violet]

Gosh she sounds like a narcissist. My mum has a negative effect on the people closest to her and i'm still trying to heal from it. I suggest you try to emotionally distance yourself from her, read some books on narcissistic parents and emotional abuse. My mum sort of shows off her bfs and social life to me, and tell me that my life is ****, i'm living like a pensioner, and bla bla, always showing contempt for my life.

she's an emotional vampire...i've hardened myself to her a lot. I still enjoy her company and I enjoy communicating with her...but I don't allow myself to become emotionally invested in her happiness like I used to.

 

[Waybuloo]

she's an emotional vampire...i've hardened myself to her a lot. I still enjoy her company and I enjoy communicating with her...but I don't allow myself to become emotionally invested in her happiness like I used to.

I didn't want to sound condescending or anything, but there's nothing more horrifying to me to see another person under the poisonous grasp of a narc parent. It's interesting you use the word vampire, that's what my mum is like too. Moving away did me good.

 

[Agent_Violet]

I didn't want to sound condescending or anything, but there's nothing more horrifying to me to see another person under the poisonous grasp of a narc parent. It's interesting you use the word vampire, that's what my mum is like too. Moving away did me good.

I can't take credit for that term lol i read it somewhere online one night when i got desperate to cope with the way she is.

you're not condescending at all

 

[FriendlessGirl]

Oh yeah,nearly all of my extended family is like that (except for my one aunt who has SA too) I have a cousin who makes fun of me too. He thinks he is just too perfect! Though i try to avoid him as much as i can.

 

[Phoenixx]

When I was younger, cousins of mine always tormented me. One cousin (who was actually an adult) would call me "fat" and associate me with every possible blonde joke you could think of. Then because I was single and wasn't going boy crazy at 13, he would sometimes ask me certain questions to see if I was a lesbian (Instead of asking me straight up, once he actually went through MySpace and started showing me pictures of this girl and asked me if I liked her).

Then my other cousins (who were also guys) would just come up behind me and either grab me, poke me, tickle me, smack me upside the head, or do some other sort of stupid thing. Then they wonder why I flinch every time they get near.

My brother, when I was around 13/14 (and sometimes even today), would constantly remind me of how "fat" and "ugly" I was. And because my mom was quite ill during that time, she just went along with it and sometimes contributed. It probably made herself feel better to put someone else down.

And recently, within the last year, another cousin of mine has been living at my house on and off. She noticed a little bit of my depression, and I did tell her a little bit about it. But what did she do? Whenever my mom was around, she teased me about it (And still does from time to time). One comment that really got to me was, "It must really suck to be you." She teases me about how quiet I am, and how I should "just go back to my own little world." It irritates me so incredibly much.

 

[planemo]

Why don't you ask your parents why your cousins do this, so that at least your parents know about it? Are your cousins just really ****ty people in general or do they act all nice with other people only to deride you when it's safe? Dream up some derogatory things to say about them, that you know will hit the sore spots. If that cousin laughs at you everytime they see you, point them back and laugh too, especially at an unflattering body part. It's not nice to stoop to their level, but they should get a taste for their own medicine. Or say something like 'you have to make fun of someone who you think is weaker to make you feel better about your own ****ty life?'

Actually one parent is one of my chief tormentors - so I guess you can see that won't help. No my cousins are only like that to me. Because they noticed from the start that they can get away with it, I suppose. I'm glad I never make an effort to keep in contact with them. The irony about the one who laughs at me is that he is filled with physical flaws himself, but I just can't stoop to that level. If I don't like someone I ignore them and distance myself from them, I just can't be convinced to try to make them feel small, even if they deserve it. Is it asking too much just to ignore me and let me be??? I suppose it is...

I'm sorry all you guys go through this too...

Yep as you say TryAgain... Charming People.

 

[WeirdyMcGee]

When I was a child, I didn't get along with any of my cousins.
I have 32 of them.

At that time, my family got together often and I'd find myself locked in refrigerators, closets, steamer trunks, tossed down mountains, thrown in lakes when I couldn't swim, gang beaten and the ol' chewing gum in the hair.
There wasn't a single time that I was around my cousins when I wasn't beat up and had my feelings hurt; and I was the only one.
My older sister would never stand up for me, either.
One against 32.
haha

I haven't received many apologies, maybe 2 or 3 from my now adult cousins upon the time of massive liquor consumption at a family get together and because of this, I don't bother talking to anyone unless they talk first and there's always tension in the room.

Another reason why I'm agoraphobic and terrified of people.
hahhhh!

 

[this_portrait]

One of my aunts used to tease me because I had a slight bit of a belly on me until I got later into my teenage years. She'd call me "Poochie" and joke about how she and my cousins were going to dress me up as a kangaroo and set a sign that said "Poochie" on it right next to me. She also would refer to me as stupid. I still kinda dislike her for that, though she can't say either of those things to me anymore, because I'm fairly thin now and I'm probably one of the smartest people in the family.

That same aunt's daughter (my cousin who I surprisingly used to be close to) would sometimes taunt me when we were growing up, but now that we're older and have grown apart, she seems to try to take shots at me at every opportunity she gets. I'm well aware that she's jealous of me (for a variety of reasons), but still, it's annoying and immature, and I wish she'd keep her nasty mouth shut.

Hell, even my own half-sister is now trying to cause conflict between her oldest daughter and me. She's always telling her that I hate her guts, so on the rare occasion that I even see them, my niece acts like a little b*tch toward me. I was around 8 years old when she was born, so I did become jealous because I felt she was taking the attention I used to get from my sister away from me. However that was when I was a kid. I don't despise her now, though when she acts all snooty towards me, I can't help but dislike her. But, this is all because my sister has to be immature, just like my cousin.

Yeah, I have some pretty vapid -expletive- in my family, lol.

 

[coyote]

quite the opposite here

my family shows no interest in me at all

my isolation has come very easily

all i had to do was stop writing to them

it's as if i never existed

 

[Rembrandt Broam]

quite the opposite here

my family shows no interest in me at all

my isolation has come very easily

all i had to do was stop writing to them

it's as if i never existed

::

Well it's definitely their loss, because you're a great guy.

 

[Rembrandt Broam]

My 15 year old niece likes to say some rather annoying things to me. Her favorite ones seem to be "You never go anywhere. Name one place you go besides to the store." or "Oh you finally decided to leave your room?" She makes a point of saying all this while the rest of the family is over too, so then I end up looking like an awkward idiot in front of my whole family because I never know what to say in return.

I could think of a few things to say in response...although maybe not while the rest of the family is there.

 

[Seri]

I guess I'm pretty lucky in that I a) don't have a lot of extended family, and b) of those I have most live overseas so we've never had family get-togethers.

One person who springs to mind though is my brother. My original name had a th in it, and like many people I would mispronounce th as f. He would call me out on it. Every. Time. And in a very uncomplimentary way. As a result I stopped saying my own name and I guess I disassociated with it. Add name-calling in school and encountering quite a few people with the same name (so if someone were to call that name I wouldn't respond anymore, assuming they wanted one of the other people) and I eventually changed my name completely (what a relief).

On the up side I am always sure to pronounce th in any word correctly now, but it's not a good way to learn.

The same brother has done other things to erode my confidence. When imitating me he always sticks his teeth out like a rabbit. My teeth were slightly bigger than usual, but he made me feel that they were horrible. So I stopped smiling with my mouth open (which included stopping myself suddenly when I was actually enjoying something and then remembered). Recently I found out that dentists can sand teeth down, so while having a broken one fixed I got that done. It's such a relief to know that even if he does that stupid face it doesn't mean anything to me now. And I can smile without having to worry.

He's also done things like force me to eat foods (despite the fact that I react badly to a lot of food so my caution is reasonable), berates me for going completely tense and apparently like stone when he tries to manhandle me (like lifting me up etc), and will almost never listen when I say 'Ow, that HURTS!' if he's being too rough. Although I have some fondness for him because he does have his nice and generous side, the self-centered, overbearing arrogance overrides everything else. I dislike him to the point where I hate him touching or being anywhere near me. I consider him unclean not because of his washing habits, but because of my dislike of him. If he sits on my bed I then have to wash everything, I really don't like him touching any of my possessions etc. He is meanwhile completely oblivious.

I know changing these things wasn't the best solution. Ideally I should be confident enough and happy enough with myself to believe that these things are fine the way they are. But he has been doing this since I was very young, and this solution still turned out well for me. Unfortunately his personality still sucks, but there isn't a quick fix for that.

 

[nicole1]

This weekend a cousin tried to force me to go out. Others do make bad comments. It hurts b/c I can't say anything to explain and they just don't seem to care and get pissed if I do not show up to an event.
It's a struggle for me and it's none of their darn business.

 

[MaliceInWickedland]

The only family I get along with is my great aunt's family. They're the only ones who have ever understood my social phobia and never used my mom and I like the rest do. The others can all go rot in hell for all I care. They never offered us any help when my father died, they didn't visit or assist my mom when she almost died of cancer, they always went to my grandmother for guidance on their drama and never once considered the fact that she was schizophrenic and almost had a nervous breakdown from all the crap they dumped on her. Oh, almost forgot to mention how they always expect my mom and I to help them out with money and stuff when they've never done anything for us and then have the nerve to come over here to our house to give us an earful about how "we don't care" and "aren't a true family to them." That's funny really, because I can say the exact same thing about them.

Disgusting wastes of human flesh is what they are and what they will always be in my eyes. I have no regrets whatsoever that I'm moving away from here and burning all bridges between us.

 

[redmatter]

All of them. Seriously... family, friends. I think what happens is they just get used to taking a dump on your mind and you really have to fight to break yourself free, I don't think but a small percentage survive.