Fake it till you make it?

[jaim38]

I've been giving this a try for several weeks now. But today, I couldn't fake it for some reason. I broke down in tears, while in class. I couldn't muster the strength to fake it. I was so awkward with my classmates. I was gonna go talk to a dude who left my group but didn't have the courage to, plus I didn't know what to say.

I was in a team and one girl started saying, "Hi my name is [name], nice to meet you" and she extended out her hand. I got embarassed because she was speaking so loudly, and with so much confidence. In my head, I was going "please be quieter!" But whatever, I introduced myself and shook her hands, then I heard laughter, probably because I did so horribly.

Then, at the end of class, the team got together to talk about the days they could meet. I wanted to say Friday and weekend but couldn't speak up for some reason. Teleconference would be preferred but I also didn't say that. I just stood there and observed.

Well, even though my performance was horrible as h*ll, at least I cooperated.

 

[dottie]

I've been giving this a try for several weeks now. But today, I couldn't fake it for some reason. I broke down in tears, while in class. I couldn't muster the strength to fake it. I was so awkward with my classmates. I was gonna go talk to a dude who left my group but didn't have the courage to, plus I didn't know what to say.

I was in a team and one girl started saying, "Hi my name is [name], nice to meet you" and she extended out her hand. I got embarassed because she was speaking so loudly, and with so much confidence. In my head, I was going "please be quieter!" But whatever, I introduced myself and shook her hands, then I heard laughter, probably because I did so horribly.

Then, at the end of class, the team got together to talk about the days they could meet. I wanted to say Friday and weekend but couldn't speak up for some reason. Teleconference would be preferred but I also didn't say that. I just stood there and observed.

Well, even though my performance was horrible as h*ll, at least I cooperated.

while you're probably replaying it over and over in your head, no one else probably thought on it. don't be too hard on yourself. no one is perfect. you are on the right track, that's what matters. keep at it!

 

[jaim38]

while you're probably replaying it over and over in your head, no one else probably thought on it. don't be too hard on yourself. no one is perfect. you are on the right track, that's what matters. keep at it!

Thanks! I think I was being too hard on myself.

 

[Richey]

I think it's easier for good looking people to do this.

Another way of putting this is that if you have anxious facial expressions then it would be very hard to fake it til you make it.

It all depends on how relaxed you are and your physical confidence.

It is also quite hard for genuinely shy people to do this.

 

[jaim38]

I just realized how fake i am, even at home. When I interact with my parents, I fake it sometimes. I pretend to put on a cheerful go-lucky attitude. I think everyone fakes things, but most people don't feel bad about it. I probably shouldn't too.

I think I'm getting a better perspective on this illness. If I want to battle social anxiety, what I need to develop first is acting skills, not social skills. Once I know how to act well, social skills will come easy and almost anything is possible.

 

[jaim38]

I feel so relieved that my presentation is over. But I feel like an actress for faking through the whole thing. I smiled when I didn't feel like it (even directly at some people who didn't like me), laughed along with other people, etc. Rather than a leader, I feel like a follower who just goes along with whatever the crowd does. If they laugh, I laugh too. It's like I put on a new personality for the class, but as soon as class is over, I become me again. Even though I faked through the presentation, it was progress. Some people might say "be yourself, don't fake", but for people with social anxiety/introversion like me, it's progress. I could have stayed home and ditched my team while I'm at it, but instead, I came and did what I have to do. Faking is bad, but I have no choice but to fake it.

But I'm sure the teacher could probably see through my "bag of tricks." My body language was kinda stiff, even though I had my lines memorized alright. I couldn't fool everyone.

 

[dottie]

consider how many other people wanted to do the presentation but still showed up anyway and smiled through it. are they all fake? burn them at the stake!

 

[Scandic123]

Faking, I think, rarely solves the problem (social anxiety), it just makes it look like there is no problem, but the problem hides inside.

 

[dottie]

it is what all animals do. look at wild packs of dogs. when one gets sick/injured he tries to hide it so as not to be considered the weakest link and get left behind or preyed upon. faking it is the nature of being a social animal. it is a form of adaptation, survival of the fittest, and for some it happens to take more effort than for others.

 

[coyote]

Faking, I think, rarely solves the problem (social anxiety), it just makes it look like there is no problem, but the problem hides inside.

exactly - but what's wrong with that? at least it lets you function in life

prosthetic limbs don't make the real ones magically grow back, but they allow someone who has lost their limbs to function better - would we criticize that person for having "fake" limbs?

the whole problem is labeling it "faking"

it's not faking, it is functioning

we can either choose to adapt and behave in a functional manner, or we can choose to "be real" or "be true to ourself" and sit at home being lonely, asking other lonely people on an internet forum why nobody likes us

 

[coyote]

...for some it happens to take more effort than for others.

yes, everyone has different levels of ability

we shouldn't be too hard on ourselves if things don't always go the way we want

just keep doing our best, keep trying, keep learning, keep adapting

what is the alternative?

give up and expect our parents or the welfare system to feed, clothe, and shelter us while we sit around and complain about how unfair life is?

 

[dottie]

livin on da gubbmint cheez, cuz... keepin it real