Fake it till you make it

alwaysrunning

Well-known member
Faking being ok feels awful but at least people are still around. When i let my real feelings and fears be known i just alienate people i care about to the point that they dont want to be around me anymore. From now on ill only be sad around myself, ill pretend to be ok when im dying inside, are you ok? yes my life is wonderful. People say they want you to be honest with them but when you dont know why your'e sad theres not really much to tell. I've been sad since i started getting bullied in middles school and i havent been the same since. It doesnt seem to be a good enough explanation for people and i really wish it were something else. But i guess ill just pretend to be happy so that my "unconvincing" story will be only mine to feel.....
 

Danfalc

Banned
I don't like the expression of fake it till you make it, we shouldn't have to put on a smile and be someone were not. But the sad reality is most people don't really understand what we go through (or even care sometimes)... and even if they do, they often don't know how to respond leading to awkwardness.

It sucks I know, I wish I could offer better advise. I have found it helps to open up to people In little pieces, see how they react. I think it can be overwhelming for some people otherwise. But some people are understanding so don't give up on people.
 

fitftw

Well-known member
I totally feel the same way as the OP. If I want to keep people around, I have to pretend to understand/care/participate at the time. But maybe in pretending or because we pretend, we really are ok?
 

MrJones

Well-known member
I used to fake too, but then they're not your friends, they're friends with the fictional character you made.

A real friend doesn't ignore you when you're depressed, they help you.

If you want to do it, it's your choice, but I think that it is better to be alone than in bad company.

Maybe one day you'll find a friend with whom you can show who you really are :)
 

mikebird

Banned
YES!!

That has been my policy for 15 years!

I fake my social ability and, to a certain degree my technical ability too, and I do get a 'foot in the door' and people will eventually detect my failings. Employment tends to last less endurance, every time... That's by brief CV!

Even pretending to be sociable and coming up with subjects such as 'the weather' if that suits people in an office, can be worth it, but takes effort, and makes the overall issue worse for me! I see my weaknesses as not so much of a phobia - more an incapability.

If only someone gave me a chance, I'd get better at both things, or at least one of those things.
 
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worrywort

Well-known member
I used to have real trouble with the idea of "faking it til you make it", because it felt so dishonest, and yet annoyingly, it actually seemed to work. If you feel sad, but you tell yourself "no, don't be sad, come on there's lots to be thankful for" and you focus your thoughts on all the positives rather than the negatives....and if you start to behave as a happy person would, singing, and smiling, etc, amazingly you do start to feel happy! So in that sense, in terms of your attitude, faking it til you make it really works.

But then beyond your attitude and perspectives, I don't think we should use the fake it til you make it idea. For example, if you have trouble socialising, but you want to be someone who doesn't have trouble socialising, if someone were to ask you if you ever have trouble socialising, I don't think you should lie and pretend that you don't in the hope you'll become the person you want to be. Instead I think it's better to acknowledge reality, but then to change you attitude towards that reality, and say "yes I have trouble socialising, but I'm getting better and one day I hope to not have trouble any longer"
 

Darryl

Well-known member
I used to fake too, but then they're not your friends, they're friends with the fictional character you made.

A real friend doesn't ignore you when you're depressed, they help you.

If you want to do it, it's your choice, but I think that it is better to be alone than in bad company.

Maybe one day you'll find a friend with whom you can show who you really are :)

MrJones, wish I could of said this:)

I do understand your logic (alwaysrunning) because I'm sure at sometime we are/were guilty of this.

We're confused to how we should be.....with our friends, family and unknowns it's only natural that we put the mask on to fit in.

We will hide until we know who we are.

Darryl
 

lostfocus

Member
I wish i could fake it till i make it, but i can't even fake it and if i do encounter somebody even if i don't know them ill tell them why im acting the way im acting. it's very unsettling
 

Darryl

Well-known member
lostfocus, we handle situations differently.

Some people hold back other feel the need to explain, no right no wrong.

We all start somewhere and try to understand our place, mate it's how we learn and how we slowly succeed.

Darryl
 

coyote

Well-known member
the problem is, we're creatures of habit

we become used to feeling crummy - regardless of whether there's really any reason to

we wear our avoidance and depression like a favorite sweater

it keeps us cozy and warm and safe from the cold

it's uncomfortable to change - and, besides, it's been so long since we smiled, we've forgotten how or why

so the expression "fake it 'til you make it" really just means to practice feeling good in spite of what your habitually glum brain tells you to feel

once you get in the habit of wearing a new sweater - you'll find you like that one just as well, and maybe you can discard the old one

as worrywort said, oddly enough, it seems to work
 

pakistan

Well-known member
I don't like the expression of fake it till you make it, we shouldn't have to put on a smile and be someone were not. But the sad reality is most people don't really understand what we go through (or even care sometimes)... and even if they do, they often don't know how to respond leading to awkwardness.

So true now
 

caringsoul

Banned
I would confront a teacher if i was u, i used to got bullied verbally alot throughout my years at school, and it doesnt really help to tell my friends about it, because all i know is im sad, but i dont want to bring my sadness down with my friends who i know can make me feel happier and i dont want the bully to get their way thinking they can bring me all the way down. Its like when im with my friends, i forget about the bully's.. i dont even think about them. But once im in class, they are at it again. I just tell the teacher. It helps, and they the one who can deal with them for real. If it gets really serious, bring it to the headmaster.

If they your good friends, they will help you out. My friends knew i was bullied, we just ignore them and do our own thing. All i know is at the end, i passed all my course and they failed.
 
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B

Beatrice

Guest
*Not going to make sexual joke, not going to make sexual joke*
 

alwaysrunning

Well-known member
thanx everyone...i guess what i meant is that im willing to try and be happy even ive never really felt it....maybe itll work maybe it wont but being sad all the time is not healthy either even though it feels more at home (i guess).....

and Beatrice that totally made me laugh-i hadnt even though of it that way lol :D
 

DarkPhoenix

Well-known member
the problem is, we're creatures of habit

we become used to feeling crummy - regardless of whether there's really any reason to

we wear our avoidance and depression like a favorite sweater

it keeps us cozy and warm and safe from the cold

it's uncomfortable to change - and, besides, it's been so long since we smiled, we've forgotten how or why

so the expression "fake it 'til you make it" really just means to practice feeling good in spite of what your habitually glum brain tells you to feel

once you get in the habit of wearing a new sweater - you'll find you like that one just as well, and maybe you can discard the old one

as worrywort said, oddly enough, it seems to work

I agree with this 100%. People are naturally drawn to people that appear happy, that smile often. When you fake a smile it doesnt mean you are pretending to be someone that you are not. It just means you are doing something constructive to cope with the way you are feeling. So force those smiles out no matter how crappy you are feeling, eventually you wont have to fake those smiles any more, because they will come naturally :)
 

Rose_Red

Well-known member
I used to have real trouble with the idea of "faking it til you make it", because it felt so dishonest, and yet annoyingly, it actually seemed to work. If you feel sad, but you tell yourself "no, don't be sad, come on there's lots to be thankful for" and you focus your thoughts on all the positives rather than the negatives....and if you start to behave as a happy person would, singing, and smiling, etc, amazingly you do start to feel happy! So in that sense, in terms of your attitude, faking it til you make it really works.

But then beyond your attitude and perspectives, I don't think we should use the fake it til you make it idea. For example, if you have trouble socialising, but you want to be someone who doesn't have trouble socialising, if someone were to ask you if you ever have trouble socialising, I don't think you should lie and pretend that you don't in the hope you'll become the person you want to be. Instead I think it's better to acknowledge reality, but then to change you attitude towards that reality, and say "yes I have trouble socialising, but I'm getting better and one day I hope to not have trouble any longer"



I quite like what you said, I agree.



When I was 12 my psyciatrist told me to 'fake it until I made it', it never worked out for me though. It's actually quite difficult to do. It's not as easy as it may sound.
I felt dishonest. People weren't seeing the real me and I felt like a fake.
 

gustavofring

Well-known member
I think many people in society live by this and it works out for them because they are able to get into a position or social status where there's no turning back. Depression and anxiety are a downward spiral, and it doesn't work to keep focussing on the "negatives".

The faking of confidence, pro-activeness and happiness can be seen as a tool, a means to an end, to get the ball rolling to eventually some day accomplish true genuine happiness once you become familiar with it.

Sorry for digging up this old thread, I wanted to make a thread on the subject but found there was already a topic.
 
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montejocarlo

Well-known member
Maybe the term "faking" is a bit problematic. It creates a mental idea of... well, fake. Perhaps we can use "trying to be happy" or "trying to socialize." Although they're generally the same with "faking," at least, we wouldn't have to bear the guilt of dishonesty.

It's true. People don't like having sad company, especially if they have a choice. We have to try and be jolly for everyone's sake. But there are times when we need to drop our guards down and let them truly see us. That's what relationships are about- family, friendship, marriage. There are moments when we would find ourselves in the middle of the dark and we need someone to drag us out. If they don't know what's happening, how can they help us? Still, we mustn't get overwhelmed. Others have their problems as well. We have to be sensitive and avoid pulling them down to our personal day to day drama.
 

doubtmyself

Banned
My mantra has always been "Be prepared, do your homework and worst case scenarios can be avoided".
I've never agreed with this fake it till you make it attitude. It doesn't suit my personality anyway. if extroverts can get away with it, good luck to them.
 
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