Expose yourself to fearful situations?

[Argamemnon]

I have exposed myself to anxiety-causing situations over and over again - and it never reduces the anxiety. In fact, about five months ago, I was exposed daily to very large social fears (at work) that emotionally crippled me and facing my fears only made things worse. "Expose yourself to fearful situations" is just worthless advice. On the other hand, withdrawing from society makes me depressed and anxious as well -- so what am I supposed to do, commit suicide?

 

[Lorraine Manca]

I think those thoughts nearly word for word everyday.

 

[cosmosis]

I think the advice that you simply need exposure is virtually worthless for most people who have anxiety. In fact I have found that if I'm in the wrong frame of mind, exposure makes things ALOT worse.

But I believe exposure is all about how you think about it. If you go into a new situation not wanting to try at all, you will almost always come away for the worst. But if you go into a situation where you are willing to try, willing to let yourself experience, then exposure can really help. You have to tell yourself you want to be there and enjoy it as much as humanly possible and it can honestly help.

 

[CoyoteX]

I think one has to go beyond just exposures themselves...because it's in our thinking, not the situation itself that causes anxiety. So knowing why you're anxious, and the thoughts that attribute to it...that's when you can start tackeling the issue. It's knowing how to nutralize those over exagerrated and negative thoughts (cognitive work) then entering into a situation...otherwise you're just walking into anxious situations with no tools, no 'know how', and the same negative thoughts and patterns keep repeating, no matter how much exposure. Just my opinion

 

[Lorraine Manca]

If i understand right, untill recently, psychologist believed that thoughts caused feelings. Much of the treatment that everybody is going through is probably coming from a therapist from this school of thought. However now it appears it is the reverse, feelings cause thoughts. dont shoot the messenger though, thats just what ive been told. it turns out, that if you look at a lot of the studies that "prove" the fundamentals of psychology, they are poorly designed experiments. Go figure. Psychology experiments do not have the same integrity as the other sciences. At any rate that would explain why exposure isnt doing the trick. I wonder if little albert is still afraid of white furry things?

 

[Sacrament]

You can't just expose yourself without having willpower and actually wanting to feel better. There are many beautiful things waiting to be experienced, and wonderful people waiting for us to meet them. Do something meaningful. Instead of simply going somewhere where there's a lot of people, do some volunteer work, get involved, do something worthwhile that will affect others in a positive way.

 

[Lorraine Manca]

Instead of simply going somewhere where there's a lot of people, do some volunteer work, get involved, do something worthwhile that will affect others in a positive way.

Been there, done that. Im sure Agamemnon has too! It's very good advice though, in theory.

 

[Sacrament]

Why didn't that make you feel better? People who do volunteer work are usually kind-hearted and accepting, which is what we're looking for.

 

[Blue Teardrops]

I have exposed myself to anxiety-causing situations over and over again - and it never reduces the anxiety. In fact, about five months ago, I was exposed daily to very large social fears (at work) that emotionally crippled me and facing my fears only made things worse. "Expose yourself to fearful situations" is just worthless advice. On the other hand, withdrawing from society makes me depressed and anxious as well -- so what am I supposed to do, commit suicide?

Wow, you said this perfectly. I have tried, and even still try, to expose myself to social situations, whether professional or informal, and I recently ended up feeling "emotionally crippled" too after my latest social disaster. I get embarrassed, self-conscious, and ill prepared for the next social interaction. I become afraid to face my next challenge, and always end up back at square one....which is where I am now, as a matter of fact. I tend to withdraw myself from society, but then end up feeling lonely, horrible, depressed....

I doubt exposure therapy is worthless advice for everyone. It seems to have worked for some people. As for you and me? I don't know what the solution is.

But I wouldn't even consider suicide if I were you. Your life is worth more than that. I know it's hard to imagine this. I struggle with this everyday. I would never kill myself, but I have thought periodically that if everything ended now, it would be so much easier. But I have the mentality that suicide is absolutely not an option. Hell, I've even dreamed of living in a cave in a faraway land, with nobody around, just me and nature. I would be alone, and perhaps lonely at times, but then at least I wouldn't have to face society. But being a cave-dweller isn't a realistic option Suicide just isn't an option either. There's gotta be a way out. If you and I are patient, maybe we'll find a way out of this.

I know I'm not much help, but I'm just trying to give you a little piece of hope.

Peace.

 

[Blue Teardrops]

You can't just expose yourself without having willpower and actually wanting to feel better. There are many beautiful things waiting to be experienced, and wonderful people waiting for us to meet them. Do something meaningful. Instead of simply going somewhere where there's a lot of people, do some volunteer work, get involved, do something worthwhile that will affect others in a positive way.

Been there, done that. Im sure Agamemnon has too! It's very good advice though, in theory.

I agree. I've tried to do "meaningful" stuff, but I'm just so awkward around people. Argamemnon maybe has tried volunteering or something positive like that too. It's just hard when you don't have the skills to make friends. I've been there, done that, it hasn't worked out for me yet. It is good advice, but it doesn't work for everyone, sadly ::

 

[Avery]

I think the advice that you simply need exposure is virtually worthless for most people who have anxiety. In fact I have found that if I'm in the wrong frame of mind, exposure makes things ALOT worse.

Couldn't agree more.

That's my main problem with the 'just get out there!' sort of advice: it too often presumes either that (A) success is inevitable, or that (B) failure is inconsequential.

Both are false, but B is the one that people seem to have trouble with, especially those without social anxiety. They say things like "just try again!" if you fail, as though a social failure is just like falling off a bike. It isn't. It's more like driving your car into a ditch. You don't dust yourself off and climb back on, you kick and curse yourself and call a wrecker and a cab and get you and your car back home and start all over again.

I might be exaggerating a bit, but I just want to get the point across. A failure is time-consuming and resource-intensive and increases the chances of further failures. It doesn't mean people shouldn't expose themselves in some way to possibly overcome their fears (though I doubt this tactic's vaunted effectiveness), but if they do so, they should approach the effort in a steady, step-by-step way. Just throwing yourself out there is begging for disaster.

 

[PennyLane]

I agree...I expose myself all the time...and I walk away feeling worse than I did before. Mainly because I replay everything I did or said and then I start to judge myself and presume others have done the same with a negative conclusion.

 

[LadyWench]

I have exposed myself to anxiety-causing situations over and over again - and it never reduces the anxiety. In fact, about five months ago, I was exposed daily to very large social fears (at work) that emotionally crippled me and facing my fears only made things worse. "Expose yourself to fearful situations" is just worthless advice. On the other hand, withdrawing from society makes me depressed and anxious as well -- so what am I supposed to do, commit suicide?

My comment is pretty much worthless, but I just wanted to say that everything you wrote, is exactly how I feel.

 

[inspirer]

*deleted message

 

[this_portrait]

I hate hate HATE exposure therapy. I'm much too scared to expose myself to the situations that I fear, and doing so only leaves me uncomfortable and pissed off. I'm not sure what his name is on here, but he posted a video about just accepting your social anxiety as it is instead of trying to change it, and I like that approach much better. I find that I feel a lot more comfortable just accepting it, and I'm noticing that I feel better around people as well when I just accept it.

 

[inspirer]

*deleted message

 

[Lea]

I actually don´t think this way. I need some exposure in order to live at least a bit and to earn some money, or see the places I want to see.. I will never stop being shy but I will never be anybody else and noone else will to this for me, so I have to do it with the resources I have, with the body and brain I have.. I am not forcing myself into exposure but given the things I want to do , I inevitably come across social situations.

Unfortunately, I allways feel so horrible talking to people, it´s strange, I like it on one side because they are interesting or like what we´re talking about, on the other side the awkwardness with the eye contact etc., is very tiring and draining and I feel so ashamed of myself, of my presence, that makes me avoid people... When I am like this, I would like to see but not be seen.. There is still the line between wanting to come and show that I am interested in them and care, and between feeling like it´s rude of me to honour them with my presence. Then if some people say they like me, I don´t believe them, I think they are kidding and feel embarassed about it. And of course, many people don´t like me, sometimes straight away. I am lucky though that to me it doesn´t matter too much what people think, I am used to low key life and living lonely, so I don´t have anything to loose.

But still it´s kind of sad, if I didn´t have this, I would be into every adventure. If I can´t live full life, isn´t it better not to live at all?

 

[Sinar_Matahari]

My therapist says that I'm probably never going to be "cured" of my anxiety, but it can get better and there will be times when it comes back. One of the things that I have to really work on is my self-esteem. I'm going to have to just see this anxiety as a life-long challenge. I know though that after I have made myself do something regardless of how anxious I felt, I can be proud of myself for it. If only my anxiety could be like a high that I need to drive myself to do and achieve more and more.

For ages, warriors have not gone into battle feeling no fear. They were very afraid but they did what they had to do regardless and that is what made them brave! Not letting fear stop them is the real courage not the lack of fear.

 

[zlench]

Yes exposing yourself to fearful situations can help because I know that going to places that I am uncomfortable with have helped me. It's also a lot better than sitting at home alone all the time waiting for your life to get better by it's self. But it is never going to happen that way if you do nothing.

 

[Sacrament]

I advise you people to read Russ Harris' The Happiness Trap. There's a lot on there about learning to accept your feelings and sensations for what they are instead of fighting them. It's a very good book that I have to look into more carefully.

Also, exposure therapy won't work by itself. You have to change a few things within, over-analizing being one of them. Nothing's gonna go well if you over-analize every single thing. I know this because I do it and it gets to a point where it's very tiring.