Emotional distancing
- Thread starter shybhoy
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TooShyShy
Well-known member
I know someone (a guy) who suffers from this in a big way--its so sad. He has verrrrrrrry bad anxiety around women he finds attractive. I find it really hard to talk to him even now bcuz he would just get very anxious and stiffen up around me, it would make me nervous as well..and he would stare at me alot, all the time whe he thought i wasn't paying attention. Others have noticed it a lot.
He never does it with anyone else, he actually is very calm, funny and out going with all the other women in the building..its just me.
What goes through your mind when you see a girl you like? What are your physical symptoms?
He never does it with anyone else, he actually is very calm, funny and out going with all the other women in the building..its just me.
What goes through your mind when you see a girl you like? What are your physical symptoms?
VioletTears
Well-known member
Yes, I STILL do this with my husband after being married for 6 years and dating since we were 16. But then again I also do it with my family and everyone else, too.
I think for me it's related to self-esteem. I feel that if people see inside me they'll think I'm pathetic, they won't understand me, they'll judge me. That plus the fact that my inner world is really dark and I just don't think most people would want to go there.
I think for me it's related to self-esteem. I feel that if people see inside me they'll think I'm pathetic, they won't understand me, they'll judge me. That plus the fact that my inner world is really dark and I just don't think most people would want to go there.
philly2bits
Well-known member
I might do this, I don't know for sure. I have never been told I'm emotionally distant. I think I also try to hide mine so they can't be used against me. It sucks because I'm sure I come off as being shady or arrogant when I'm not.
PennyLane
Well-known member
Yup i do it too. I always keep a distance so i can save myself rejection...then i can say well its not that they dont like me...its just they dont know me.
I was with my last boyfriend for over a year and i never fully relaxed with him, even though we were in love, went on holiday alone etc...i was just waiting for him to realise that i wasn't much once you got to know me.
I was with my last boyfriend for over a year and i never fully relaxed with him, even though we were in love, went on holiday alone etc...i was just waiting for him to realise that i wasn't much once you got to know me.
I never thought of myself as doing this, but I guess that basically no one really knows me... even my ex that I was with for about 8 years. I think I do it subconsciously, so I can't even say for sure what goes through my mind. I guess I feel like people will think I'm too weird, so I don't even let them get close enough to figure it out and reject me, or even just laugh at me.
RedRibbons
Well-known member
Yep. Not intentionally. I just get freakin' weird and turn into a retarded wreck! 
It's such a joyous experience. I love my brain.
It's such a joyous experience. I love my brain. 
shybhoy
Well-known member
Most of the girls i like are very shy, or have other issues emotionally i have not chosen that type but thats how they have always been, its lead to a lot of hurt because they won't take a chance even though a lot of them probably wanted too.....despite being very shy, i am incredibly open about my feelings and i can normally express them pretty well. I can however panic sometimes because i think they might have gone off me because they went all quiet and thats confusing and a little hurtful. i have almost always been the one who had to pursue things however a girl i like just now had done the pursuing in the beginning and now, that i reciprocated she does not know what to do probably because she thought i'd turn her down, but i have not, now shes gone all quiet and i've not heard from her for a while...i have sent her a text to let her know i am still here that i am thinking about her and that if she ever needs to talk then she knows where i am....nothing more i can do...but she is clearly showing emotional distance.
Cal
Well-known member
I've gone through patches where I've felt insecure and self conscious about certain things, that's when I put distance between myself and the people I know, so I'm not viewed as weak, which is what I think of myself when I'm like that. Most people just tell me to view myself as others would, which is great advice, but it's pretty difficult to do considering I'm pretty critical.
I know how empty you must feel, I've gone through the same deal a few times. I know this most likely won't make you feel any better, but you just have to give it time, and to see what happens. The easiest way to cope with that is to find things to distract yourself with, and use that to pass the time. Good luck though, I know it's tough.
I know how empty you must feel, I've gone through the same deal a few times. I know this most likely won't make you feel any better, but you just have to give it time, and to see what happens. The easiest way to cope with that is to find things to distract yourself with, and use that to pass the time. Good luck though, I know it's tough.
Flowers-Of-Bloom
Well-known member
Cal
Well-known member
Oh c'mon, you seem like a pretty cool person to talk to. Or were you being sarcastic? Sorta hard to tell on here.
I was talking more about people who know me best though, people I trust like friends/family. I've said it before though, I don't really care what random people think of me, or how they perceive me, they either like me or they don't.
But I judge myself or think negatively about myself far too often, and usually for no reason. I'm just critical of myself because that's the way I was brought up. So when I look for reassurance over certain things, those are the types of comments I get. I guess it's not the sort of thing you'd blurt out to just anyone though.
