Embarassed about being home every weekend night

[Etbow23]

Unfortunately I live with roommates. I actually like one of them a lot. I just feel really self-conscious about being home every weekend night. My husband works all the time so counting he's like my only friend, I'm basically here all the time at night. I actually like it; I don't comfortable going out. I feel safe at home, watching movies or cleaning, writing, whatever. But I feel really insecure.

For example my roommate was getting ready to go to a party or something and I felt like she almost thought I was weird or something. Which sucks because we've been pretty compatible so far. Whenever they come home for a second before going out again they see me here..it's really embarassing. It makes me feel almost...sorry for myself. I finished my finals this week; I'm sure most other college kids are celebrating or whatever. But I can't go out.. I fear it. I feel safest here. I'm a homebody I guess. Do you think they even notice? Do you think they think I'm weird? Has anyone felt like someone likes them and then the person finds out you're shy and becomes distant? Anyone else have these feelings?

 

[queso-blanco]

>Has anyone felt like someone likes them and then the person finds out you're shy and becomes distant? Anyone else have these feelings?

Sometimes. I've found myself in situations where I feel that a person I really like has "detected" my shyness, and then I feel they are condescending towards me. The thought of which makes me resentful toward that person.

I've attended CBT (cognitive behavior therapy) sessions for the last four years. In that time, I've come to learn that it is possible to re-wire the brain in regards to how to respond to certain situations. Such re-wiring takes much time and patience, but the results are obvious when you persist for a period of time then reflect.

In your situation, consider the possibility that the person so you much admire may actually be oblivious to your shyness; their being "distant" could be attributed to their preoccupation with other matters, and is only temporary. Inherently we are all worried about ourselves first and foremost; consider this when you ask yourself the question "what does person x think about me?"

It is difficult for me to articulate what I mean, but my words are sincere and I mean it most respectfully. Good luck!

 

[laure15]

When I lived on campus, I used to be embarassed that I'm home on Fridays and weekends. I didn't have any friends to hang out with, for the most part. But, I grew over this and now I'm comfortable with it.

 

[gustavofring]

I can understand it. I used to be really bothered but now I don't care that much anymore, although on some bad days I still have trouble facing them.
I guess by now most roommates are used to it. Plus it's not like I NEVER go out. Just not every weekend. If I must be honest though, if I had the opportunity to go out more I would, but my social circle is very limited nowadays.

>Has anyone felt like someone likes them and then the person finds out you're shy and becomes distant? Anyone else have these feelings?

Yeah. Sometimes not so much distant, but more a bit condescending in a friendly way. Acting like you're some sort of special person who needs special treatment. I guess this is better though then aloof people or people who mock you.

 

[kelskellian]

Yeah I think ppl do look at u weird like everybody has to go hang out at bars and stuff,but everyone is different,as long as ure not isolating ur self u should be good

 

[macs39]

Happens to me all the time
It feels weird yes but I keep brushing it off reminding myself that it's my decision. I'm doing what I like and not what others expect me to do.
Then I immediately get involved and absorbed in Temple Run :thinking:
Oh and I'm writing this on a Saturday:bigsmile:

 

[Buda]

most common question at a friday "aren't you going out?"....i do go put the garbage out...but it seems it doesn't counts!

 

[j35clifford]

If you really do prefer staying in than going out to bars/parties then embrace it, let it be a part of your personality, at worst you may be accused of being quirky, but i respect you more for having the strength to do what you want, and not just doing what you think you should be doing.

 

[Etbow23]

Yeah I think it's best just to be confident in what you like. I notice my roommates are always sick...I think she smokes weed in the house because I smelled it the other day...I didn't feel comfortable saying anything. I never get sick though. And I save a lot of money not wasting it on booze and things. They're not bad people, but I just think that when you put things in your body like that, you're always going to be sick and feeling terrible. When I used to smoke and drink a lot, there wasn't a week I wasn't hacking up a lung and sniffling. Besides, I don't have the money for it.

It is difficult though because there is a definite stigma against shy people in our society. People are prejudiced against shy people. I have had people actually dislike me because I'm shy...just for that reason. I didn't say anything to them, I didn't do anything to them at all. Some people just don't like shy people. I don't think my roommates don't like me, but I just feel like people usually change when they discover you're a shy person.

 

[teandtoast]

You have a husband, if people know this I expect they think that's part of the reason you don't go out alot etc and as such don't care.

Also them being sick has nothing to do with smoking weed (not sure where you've heard of that connection before) some of my friends smoke weed everyday and have done for the last 12 years or and are never sick. I used to smoke everyday now just weekends sometimes and Im never sick.

 

[recluse]

i know how you feel op. I dont go out and do things like go to clubs and parties, only occasionaly go to cinema. I feel embarassed too, and frustrated that i am not out there meeting people. Ive never had a girlfriend because i dont put myself out there. I find it embarassing when workmates ask if i am going out on the weekend, and i feel left out and envious when they talk about their plans.

 

[Rodney]

It is difficult though because there is a definite stigma against shy people in our society. People are prejudiced against shy people. I have had people actually dislike me because I'm shy...just for that reason. I didn't say anything to them, I didn't do anything to them at all. Some people just don't like shy people. I don't think my roommates don't like me, but I just feel like people usually change when they discover you're a shy person.

I once had these two guys who I barely knew, at a stag and doe, intentionally try to kick a volleyball at my head and then a couple of weeks later, at the wedding, one of them smacked me in the back and stomach. :thumbdown:

Anyways, it is embarrassing. My landlords pretty much know I'm a loser. The thing that sucks the most is that they're party people so when I first moved in they were like, "oh yeah, you can have parties once in awhile we don't mind. And you can do other things. Haha, I was in college once." :sad: I haven't even had anyone over at my place yet.

 

[Steppen-Wolf]

Try not to worry so much about what others may think. How much you "party" is not a measurement of self value, every person is unique and has a particular way to enjoy life.

Be proud of your uniqueness.

 

[Flanscho]

I don't know. When I shared a flat with people, most of them were not too much into socializing either. And now that I live alone, nobody is watching me as well.

For me, it's normally that way, that friends of mine doing something each weekend. And they normally ask me to join. When I don't join, I feel often sad about it, imagining them having fun, while I sit alone in my flat. So normally I do join them, even if I don't feel like it at first, because I now I will feel worse if I stay home.
On the other hand, if I got no invitations whatsoever, and nothing special is planned, or stuff that really doesn't interest me in the slightest, then I'm happily at home.

 

[aNOTfox]

yeah I used to feel really insecure about my lack of social life/shyness, but now It's something I just accept. I don't even like going out drinking so why should I feel ashamed of that?

 

[razzle dazzle rose]

I don't like going out to bars and clubs. It used to embarrass me that I didn't do those things, but now I realize it is just not who I am. Still, I don't like spending all my weekend nights cooped up at home. I would like some variety. When I had friends we used to go out to the movies or out to eat.

 

[Bert_Stair]

such is my life. Oh well, the ship has sailed on me ever having a social life. I've accepted it for what it is.

 

[recluse]

anyone else lie sometimes to save embarassment? I was talking with a girl i work with and i asked her what her plans for nye are. I lied and told her that i'm having a family get together. I feel boring because i am a homebody.

 

[coyote]

most of my adult life i've had to work on Saturdays and Sundays, so my "weekends" are on Tuesdays or Thursdays or whatever

besides, the need to "go out" on an arbitrary night has always been a mystery to me

as my momma coyote used to say, "just because everyone else jumps off a bridge, does that mean you have to, too?"