Does/would SP stop you getting married and/or having kids?

[coyote]

...Then there's kids. They are highly unpredictable and attract a lot of attention in public places. Someone like myself who has SP likes to be in control whenever in a public place, especially like on buses, trains etc. Having a kid with me who is forever crying or asking for this & that whilst sitting on a packed train is just something I couldn't do. Obviously there are good things about having kids with someone you love (still waiting for the latter let alone the former!) but for me babys/kids attract far too much attention for someone who doesn't want it ::

i found this to be true

it was very hard for me

i didn't handle it well at all

 

[Rembrandt Broam]

You make some good points Basil. I too am surprised at the number of replies from people who have actually got married here, and some have even had kids. But then I guess that gives others hope who think they will never be able to go through with it - like myself. As I said in my original post, I can't ever see myself getting married and just the thought of being the centre of attention for the whole day petrifies me. But then it's not completely black & white - some have said about having a small ceremony with just a handful of people. Even for me this would be a struggle, but it's definitely more manageable than the whole big white wedding option! I'm almost 40 years old and marriage is looking less and less likely every passing year, but it really is a case of Never say never!

A wedding ceremony can be just the two people getting married, and the person marrying them. After all, they are really the only people who matter. A wedding it about the two people who are making a commitment to one another. Everyone else is just window dressing.

 

[Remus]

I've had a partner but never got married, that would be my worst nightmare all that attention

 

[Hanner]

At my second wedding, I was too much in love to notice the 1,000,000 people (literally) surrounding us as we conducted the ceremony in front of Buckingham Fountain during the Taste of Chicago. Corny but true.

Awwww

 

[ilovenoodles]

It just makes me want to marry and have kids even more!

 

[MoniqueNS]

It kind of does for me. I have never seen myself as wanting kids anyway, but having SP further confirms it. Just from the little things too, like I wouldn't be able to drive my kids around. Although, being a stay-home mothers sounds appealing just because I get to be at home! But also the more I think about it, the more I think I will end up with someone that also has SP, so the chances of us passing it onto our kids is huge. And I just couldn't put anyone else through it. And as for marriage, I'm not sure. I kind of don't believe in it, but I've never been in love either so I don't know if that will change.

 

[deleted user 1]

I would say that AvPD has single-handedly destroyed every chance of getting into another relationship, much less get married or have children. I have been like this for so long that the concept of a relationship and/or marriage appears quite bizarre and even unnatural to me. I could never be in these situationsm it would be far too stressful and far too strange to me to do so. That's before taking into consideration a new family and dynamics to fit into. No, this is no longer for me. Do I wish that it was different? Not really, maybe were I younger and talking to you, I would say yes.

 

[KnuffleBunny]

A wedding ceremony can be just the two people getting married, and the person marrying them. After all, they are really the only people who matter. A wedding it about the two people who are making a commitment to one another. Everyone else is just window dressing.

Exactly; My boyfriend and I talked about getting married. His family is in the Netherlands and mine is in the States (I never see anyone besides my parents anyway), so that makes it hard to come together. Also because he has SA and I'm just plain shy, I don't like the sound of a lot of people. Personally, I would be VERY happy just eloping and getting it on tape to send to everyone else later.

The other people just make you paranoid about doing something wrong. If it's just you and your SO you don't have that stupid pressure. He told me before he might like a quick 'mock wedding' afterward for his mother so she could have something to see in person, but again that wouldn't be many people either.

 

[popolala]

Yeah i have thought about this.

I dont think it will ever work out for me, i am already accepting my forever single life.
I dont even have a boyfriend, yet a marriage.. pstt... not even a guy friend :b
I dont think it will happen as you can see... im also in my mid 20's.. so yeah, i be reaching my 30's and then it will end for me.. no guy would want a 30 yr old girl.. its rare... im accepting single life..

I just think about.. how nervous wreck i am.. i dont think i can handle it.. i wont be able to smile because im so nervous... i will look worried on my wedding day, how embarrasing.. i dont want to spoil it.

Kids... i dont think i can raise a kid.. and because i love my kids before they even born, it might be best for them not to have me as their mum... I dont want them to be depressed like me.. i cant even look after myself, dont think i should look after a kid.

Anyways, no guys like me.. at work.. all the guys talk to all the girls, except me.. also i dont have guy friends.. i dont really have any friends.. im almost a loner..

 

[Untamed88]

I really want to get married and get a boyfriend but I havent had a boyfriend in four years. I just don't have the confidence in myself to flirt or even try.

 

[deleted user 1]

Yeah i have thought about this.

I dont think it will ever work out for me, i am already accepting my forever single life.
I dont even have a boyfriend, yet a marriage.. pstt... not even a guy friend :b
I dont think it will happen as you can see... im also in my mid 20's.. so yeah, i be reaching my 30's and then it will end for me.. no guy would want a 30 yr old girl.. its rare... im accepting single life..

I just think about.. how nervous wreck i am.. i dont think i can handle it.. i wont be able to smile because im so nervous... i will look worried on my wedding day, how embarrasing.. i dont want to spoil it.

Kids... i dont think i can raise a kid.. and because i love my kids before they even born, it might be best for them not to have me as their mum... I dont want them to be depressed like me.. i cant even look after myself, dont think i should look after a kid.

Anyways, no guys like me.. at work.. all the guys talk to all the girls, except me.. also i dont have guy friends.. i dont really have any friends.. im almost a loner..

You're in the prime of your life, and lots of men prefer older women! Not that 30 is even old, lol. Just don't accept a shoddy excuse for a man. Too many descent young women throw their lives away on trash because they think nobody will or could love them. That would be a tragedy. If you put yourself in more social settings, it will happen, of that I am certain. The ball's in your court, the power in your hands to wield as you see fit!

 

[MissJess]

I feel like yes I will be the center of attention for the day..............and I dont know how I could handle that. Maybe a small wedding? I am afriad I will have nothing to say.

Then about being a parent I dont know if I could handle it. I would actually have to talk to all these people teachers,doctors etc

If I had a baby and then everyone came to see the baby I would feel like they are judging me how I am taking care of it and all eyes will eb on me well and the baby

 

[GreenEyedRedHead]

I'm not married, but I've been in a committed relationship for 18 1/2 years. We have two kids together. My significant other doesn't have SA, but I'm pretty sure he's bipolar. My SA is a big part of why we're not married. We're in love and would never leave each other, but he's very athletic and outgoing, and it really hurts our relationship that I don't want to go out in public a lot. I think we balance each other out. I keep him from getting too crazy, and he keeps me from being a total hermit. It's a lot of work, but we communicate with each other, and I am totally honest with him about why I don't want to do certain things. It helps to have some support. We have had some pretty big fights about me not going with him when he wants to go do something. Luckily, neither of my kids has SA. They're both really popular and outgoing. I'm really thankful for that. Having kids with SA is hard too. There are always other parents you have to meet, and school functions to go to. So far I've always been able to force myself to go to that stuff because I want to be there for them. I think whether you get married or have kids depends on a lot of things, but there's someone out there for everyone.

 

[nightcrawler]

I feel like yes I will be the center of attention for the day..............and I dont know how I could handle that. Maybe a small wedding? I am afriad I will have nothing to say.

Then about being a parent I dont know if I could handle it. I would actually have to talk to all these people teachers,doctors etc

If I had a baby and then everyone came to see the baby I would feel like they are judging me how I am taking care of it and all eyes will eb on me well and the baby

I couldn't agree more with this. Apart what I said in my original post, there's also this aspect of interacting with all the people that play an important part of your childs upbringing.

 

[nightcrawler]

I'm not married, but I've been in a committed relationship for 18 1/2 years. We have two kids together. My significant other doesn't have SA, but I'm pretty sure he's bipolar. My SA is a big part of why we're not married. We're in love and would never leave each other, but he's very athletic and outgoing, and it really hurts our relationship that I don't want to go out in public a lot. I think we balance each other out. I keep him from getting too crazy, and he keeps me from being a total hermit. It's a lot of work, but we communicate with each other, and I am totally honest with him about why I don't want to do certain things. It helps to have some support. We have had some pretty big fights about me not going with him when he wants to go do something. Luckily, neither of my kids has SA. They're both really popular and outgoing. I'm really thankful for that. Having kids with SA is hard too. There are always other parents you have to meet, and school functions to go to. So far I've always been able to force myself to go to that stuff because I want to be there for them. I think whether you get married or have kids depends on a lot of things, but there's someone out there for everyone.

Great post! Despite your fights, having SA etc, it's great that you've managed to have a long-term relationship including having kids. This gives the rest of us hope that are still looking for that special someone. It's good to hear your kids are popular & outgoing and didn't "inherit" your SA.

If you don't mind me asking - how was it in the early stages of your relationship? Obviously now your partner knows what you are like and isn't surprised when you don't go to a social event. But what was his reaction in the early months/years? Is this when a lot of the fights happened?

 

[vancouver24]

stopping me from getting married but not kids.. i want a baby really bad cuz i know it would change me

 

[vancouver24]

your comment actually helped me..i was having a really bad day cuz my bf is so outgoing and he keeps me from being a hermit and i keep him closer to family .. my bf is so outgoing and i geuss we balance each other out...

 

[Noop]

haha, get married and have kids in this world??

haha, that's funny!

 

[Kiwong]

Anxiety doesn't stop me getting married or having kids. I'm simply not trying to get married or have kids. They don't even register on the list of things I want to do with my life.

 

[Arthur_Dent]

I wouldn't care a damn aboutbeing the center of attention for one day. I don't feel very comfortable around most kids but I've got along with some and I guess I could get along with mine.

But all that it doesn't matter when the main problem that my SP causes me is that I'm unable to socialize with women. ::