Does anyone feel like me?

Scared2live

Scared2live

Member
The most I talk to people is online, I am such a hermit, I never use to be like this... I feel dizzy headed alot, I take medicine for anxiety, panic attacks, ocd, deppression, dizzyness, Im 21 going on my death bed, I dont want to be around anyone, I don't want anyone to see me. I have a fear that everything I eat is contaminated with pills. I havent even went to get my drivers license yet. I freak out when I get around to many people and I just have to get out of there!!!.. I feel so emotionally blank, sometimes I think killing myself would be much more than just sitten here all day doing nothing. I'm scared to date, I know that every pretty girl that passes will just make me feel even worse about myself... I have really bad vertigo, I need a job but I am so scared to be around people... I want to help people, but I cannot even help myself, I use to take care of myself, and try to look good, now I dont even care, what's the point?.... I feel like im dying all the time... I feel so numb and pathetic, no one understands me at all... I don't even understand half the time, I pray and I pray for God to change me, but I still feel this is everyday, somedays are worse... my medication doesnt seem to be helping anymore.. I just want to feel human, I am human so why can't I feel that way? Why cant I be happy, and go do fun things like other people, why am I like this?:confused:
 
G

guessed

1
I'm sorry you're feeling so terrible. Did you feel this way before taking the medications? Have the medications helped at all or do you feel worse?
 
Scared2live

Scared2live

Member
I don't really remember, I remember when I was 15 I got panic attacks, but I remember I got out and done alot more, I guess I feel worse.
 
F

Feathers

Well-known member
Hey, have you read about the hikikomori?

Apparently a lot of young people in Japan or elsewhere may have similar feelings and just stay inside.. In fact, this can make things even worse though! (magic circle.. as walking on fresh air can help you feel better!!)

I'm older than you so I know these things too may pass!! Please don't give up and continue fighting!!
It's great that you want to help people, the world needs more caring people like you!!

Dating may mean THE WORLD at 21, maybe there are A LOT of girls who'd gladly go out with you!! I find here on these forums that many cute shy guys are actually just too shy!!

Have you tried tweaking nutrition or taking supplements like magnesium or fish oil or such? Check ctds.info for more about magnesium defficiency and where it can show itself.. (I was really surprised!) And you might try tracking nutrition on fitday.com or with a program called Cronometer.. (That's how I found which minerals/vitamins I might have been lacking.. You can also get tests done then..) Some people also have food sensitivities.. Wouldn't it be silly to do something rash just because of a food sensitivity?? Just things to explore...

Actually your feelings may be side-effects from pills too, have you talked to your doctor? maybe dosage might need to be tweaked or other meds tried? and/or nutrition etc?

I got my drivers licence MUCH later, our neighbour got it at around 50 or 60, who cares?! :) (I admire her actually!!)

Maybe you are really a gifted individual or just deeply caring or HSP (= highly sensitive) there are books, info and tips in these cases too... Your life may not be easy but it may be deeper and richer and more wonderful in the end... Some HSP males have had it tough in their youth... Your pain and suffering may have meaning.. You may be able to understand people with similar problems MUCH better later on!!
 
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Scared2live

Scared2live

Member
Thank you, but just to clarify I am female. Yes the dr as tweaked with my medication alot I dont remember all the medications I have actually been on. My friends says If i give up my medication and have Faith in God that I will be okay, I want to believe that, but I am scared. I told my dr how I felt my nerves, she lowered my nerve medicine and uppe my anti deppressant, and I felt even worse, sucide was all I could think of, and I would just cry, I truly don't want to die, I just want to feel human, because that is what I am.. so instead of taking the 20mg of lexapro my dr told me, I am only taking 15mg, I still don't feel so well, and I get so nervous around people, I cannot make eye contact with anyone. My family is struggling finically I want to get out there and get a job so I can help out,but I am so scared. When I get around people I sometimes just have to leave, go outside and sit down, i feel like i am very dependt on my mom, even though she seems to care less anymore about my panic attacks, when shes around I feel safe, when I am away from her, Im scared.
 
Mr.Moon

Mr.Moon

Well-known member
I've got most of them symptoms.. Struggling like hell to get a job is the worse. You could try downloading some trial programs like word and excel and applying for jobs that involve data entry or something. Got yourself a quiet little cubicle, I know stereotypes love to make fun of the oh famous "cubicle job", but its still a job.

Trust me though, your not alone, in fact your better off then me, I'm 26 and dealing with most of them problems. Your still a young 21 yr old. Taking so many different medications might conflict with one another to causing symptoms tat don't need to be there also. I can't say for certain though, as the only medicine I've ever been on was Ritalin when I was a child.
 
T

teamo94

New member
I feel like you. First of all many things in my life has made me feel different. I was adopted at birth, I'm part caucasian and part african american, I'm overweight and I'm gay. I take meds for social anxiety and panic attacks and have valium for when I need to instantly settle down. I'm 34 now but ever since I was little, I was terrified of people. My mom used to get so mad at me when she tell me to say hi to someone and I could never make myself even do it. I felt like I understood my subjects in school but I was still a C average kid. I've started college 4 times and quit because if I feel uncomfortable I can't make myself to go back. I get really bad anxiety when taking tests even if they are open book and I know the subject well.

Interviewing for a job is totally terrifying for me. There is one thing that helps me get through it and maybe it could help you. Go online and search for common interview questions. (Situation questions are the hardest) Write down the questions and write out how you would want to responsed to them. When you go into the interview, always take a notepad and a bottle of water. In the notepad have your answers so you can glance at them if you go blank. I have a job where I have very little interaction with people besides the people in my department. It is a struggle somedays. When you have really bad anxiety you can read people and pick up on their emotions and often you pick up their emotions. Also sometime, how I react gets taken the wrong way. I've been at my current job for 5 years and I've had to explain to my co-workers and my supervisor the best way to approach me and how I react to things. The more people are aware of how to react to you the better it seems to be.

I've also spent many hours in therapy working through all my issues which helped but nothing is going to completely get rid of the anxiety. I absolutly hate talking on the phone and it comes from something that happened when I was in high school and I still panic when I hear the phone. I have a hard time even calling my parents. When I go out shopping I feel like all eyes are on me so if there are a lot of people out, I have to turn around and leave. I don't like going out to eat and I panic if I'm in the movie theater and it's packed. I wish I could tell you why you feel the way that you do but I can't. All I can tell you is that you're not alone and keep telling your dr that you don't think the meds are helping. After so long you get used to the meds and they need so they need to make sure they adjust the meds. Also, the more you write down your feelings the better you're going to feel. Exercising and family time seems to help me. I'm too afraid to even go out for a walk so everything I do is with a WII game. No matter what you do, just don't give up.
 
arsenalwa

arsenalwa

Well-known member
I feel like you all the time... And the sad thing is, I don't seem to even have the courage to kill myself!
 
Honda

Honda

Well-known member
^ It takes alot of distress or a cutting edge situation to suicide.. IMHO.. Many if not most people tried to commit suicide at least once.. Whether its courage or a cowardly act, is just another stupid society labeling. Nobody is the same and nobody knows or understands such actions if they dont know what the persons goes through...
 
NathanielWingatePeaslee

NathanielWingatePeaslee

Iä! Iä! Cthulhu fhtagn!
Staff member
Dronee said:
Sadly, drugs and alcohol can tilt the balance and has done so for some time... self-preservation doesn't work as well when you're high...
Click to expand...

Truth! I was just thinking about that after I posted. Nothing like mind-altering chemicals to lower your inhibitions.
 
lunaticbinge

lunaticbinge

Well-known member
Dronee said:
Sadly, drugs and alcohol can tilt the balance and has done so for some time... self-preservation doesn't work as well when you're high...
Click to expand...

I would say that depends on the drug. If i'm smoking pot, i'm much less likely to contemplate suicide than when i'm sober (not that it's a permanent solution). Alcohol could definitely make me consider it, however. An old acquaintance of mine recently took his own life while blackout drunk.
 
worrywort

worrywort

Well-known member
I know how you feel. Sometimes I feel so small and weak and the world seems so big and scary that I'm geniunely surprised that I've managed to survive this long! I'm 27, and I'm frail and broken and so full of issues and complex's, while the rest of the world seem so happy and well-adjusted. Life can be very sad and lonely sometimes.

I don't know why we're like this, but I believe everything happens for a reason. Going through the hard stuff makes us stronger, so that we can come out the other side wiser and we can help other's without any false pretention cause we'll know how it feels. So don't give up.....Everything changes.....and don't worry about not being human, you sound like a particularly beautiful human being to me! :)
 
Lea

Lea

Banned
Do you know why you feel dizzy? It can be some neurological problem (did you have any accident) or a is it a sideeffect of the medication? Or something else? I feel a bit dizzy and unreal too sometimes, don't know what it is but don't think it's anything serious, perhaps lower blood presure..
 
J

jiujitsu92

Member
I feel a lot like you, plus i'm becoming agressif and pessimist about thing.

One day I reach a point that I say fuc* off i'm like that so what.

Try to distract your mind of yourself, there other thing in the world than YOU. Maybe travel, start a hobbie(even if your not really motivate).

Try to enjoy you life dude, I know SP is a bitch, but big chance that will not be for life, and don't kill yourself, you will not be more happy!
 
PunchDrunk

PunchDrunk

Member
If it wasn't for the internet and work, I wouldn't have any social contact. I started getting real bad about 5 years ago. I had a few close friends...and then they all just started pulling away from me. I just don't understand what I do to people to stop them from wanting to be my friend.
 
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