I get that... but generally I am not a depressed person, I mean I have had a history of depression for periods, but right now I have a daughter and a fiance in my life and they keep me from being depressed majority of the time. He works on the road though for 3-4 days at a time every week during spring/summer and I tend to feel very alone during those times.. So its not that I am depressed all the time... or even most the time... to me a friend would not tell someone you are too depressing to be around so I dont want to see you, a friend would be there... and I know it is hard to see someone go through the same patterns and still care, but I have seen some of the same people be there to no end for other people, which just makes me feel like I am simply not worth it but others are. I feel I have very high standards for my friends, but I don't really feel like that is a bad thing for me.... I would rather have no friends than have fake friends with no moral character at all....
The quote however said a lot of things to me..... that for me, and for a lot of us I am sure, we feel dead sometimes... like everyone else is living life while we cannot seem to... beyond that.. I feel angry a lot of time because although I have always been a little shy I feel like I have overcome a lot of things in life but the one thing that I cannot overcome is how people have treated me and I feel it has made me this way...
I blame myself too for making bad choices, I have always picked the worst boyfriends and a lot of the time friends then get upset when they treat me badly. that is my fault. But in general I feel like humanity is cruel and that they would rather take what they need from you and move on without caring that you are laying on the ground "dying"... I feel like I cannot trust because I have been screwed over so much that I almost feel trusting anyone but me is just a dumb choice.... Although now that I have AvPD I understand I am more difficult to deal with which makes me more likely to be left which only makes me more worried about being left unfortunately... Not sure how to get out of that cycle...
I really wish I had a response for this. People should be allowed to voice unhappiness... But a lot become protective when others voice unhappiness or depression. Which only makes a pesrson feel worthless.... Yeah I dont know what to say, im dealing with the exact same question. You can message me, though.
EscapeArtist- Right now as I am in a "down" mood I am not sure exactly what I would say if I were to message you.... I find that when I get in moods like this I try not to feel at all, try to think less..... I try to absorb myself in anything I can to get my mind off of it until it goes away.... I appreciate you reaching out and if you would like to add me, talk to me, anything feel free, along with anyone else that would like to..... I try to talk to my fiance about these things but he doesnt understand as much.... I would love to have anyone with AvPD to chat with to be able to just have someone relate to me, to not feel like the only person in the world that feels this way.....
Not sure what else to say right now, other than I greatly appreciate having this forum to vent and even just to read what everyone has to say so I don't feel so alone. Just having that for once makes me feel enormously better
