Do you think confidence is related to how seriously people take you

[muxmux]

I don't really think confidence is a result on how you are perceived by others. But despite the fact and how others see you..confidence on my eyes is the kind of state when you don't give a **** about what other people think of you and you are trully focused on yourself and confident on yourself, despite what other people think.

If people don't take you seriously, then you're being too confident, to the point of being ridiculous, or being a douchebag, or just being arrogant. Hope i could get my point here.

About the pictures, as for being CAPABLE, i would need to know, capable of doing what. Regarding looking more confident i tend to lean towards the second one, because lets face it, we all judge by looks.

 

[MsBuzzkillington]

People perceive you the way you act when you are around them.

They may make a snap judgement that the nerdy looking guy is not strong. But if he walks into a room with his head head high and a ton of confidence like "I am the boss!" then people are going to take notice and change their minds.

Same goes for the better looking guy. If he has zero confidence and is quiet and shy and never talks, always looks down, etc... people are going to think he is weak.

Ah, I say better looking guy to mean the one that you are using an example of "being the stronger one".

I think snap judgements/first impressions from looks are completely different than how seriously someone takes you, or how you are perceived.

 

[Shenmue]

I think it is...
Ahem, let me just clear my throat here....get my notes...

Right...

See I reckon right, confidence is a two way game. You could either project confidence or genuinely feel confident but would it really matter if the world outside yourself discounts who you are...for whatever reason?

What I mean is - I think confidence or appearing confident is somewhat determined by how people will perceive you, and therefore treat you accordingly. If people dont take you seriously - then how are you supposed to come across as confident and capable?

Now I dont mean to be nasty and superficial - but I need to illustrate this point a little bit. Who out of these two guys would you deem as more capable - who would come across as more confident DESPITE how they may feel about themselves on the inside?

or

I know I know - I feel awful, but come on you all must know what I am trying to say here...

I think kiakaha has illustrated a valid point here. Having the right image can help you achieve your goals more smoothly. Although it helps if you have the substance to back it up. But if you feel good about the way you look then that surely is the most important thing. Why do we place so much value on the way others look. Is it because we are genetically programed to search for the most attractive mate. And for what purpose. So that we can create a more attractive version of ourselves. Is it because of a deep seated desire to feel a sense of immortality, so that we may live on through our progeny? Or is it something more profound than any of us could ever imagine. I would try to figure it out but i'm feeling hungry right now. I also need to catch up on America's Next Top model. I love that show!

 

[Minty]

Hmm, well they both look confident to me. The top one looks like he has a sense of humor because of his exaggerated smile. It looks like he's trying to look goofy. The bottom one looks like he's posing. Neither shot is candid obviously, but the bottom one is less so because it's like he's trying to hide his personality behind a demeanor of normalcy. At least the top one has personality.

Could you try to find two candid shots where the subjects don't even know they're being taken in picture? That would be more interesting to analyze.

 

[KiaKaha]

People perceive you the way you act when you are around them.

To an extent - but not completely. People will see you by their own interpretation of what kind of person they THINK you are - Whether that be you looking a certain way, you're social status, your job, you're income level, your neighbourhood, you're friends, the car you drive, the way you speak (not the words you say), the way you walk - etc etc etc

I used a visual example because that is the most obvious and has the biggest effect, these other examples are too subtle to get the point across. This ISN'T about looks - but it is about impressions and how people are perceived.

If both of these guys, had exactly the same levels of this *cough* notion of confidence and were not shy - who would come across as appearing more confident and thereby more capable? Who would take charge? Who would be more listened too?

See I think - confidence is subjective to the external world. It comes from within for sure, I could go around all day doing whatever I want and not give a damn about what people think about me - but there are limitations in place. Your confidence will only go as far as how others will interpret what kind of person they see you as.

 

[MsBuzzkillington]

To be completely honest, the more I look at the two pictures the more I realize that if guy number 2 were to approach me or talk to me I would most likely thing he was a player. I wouldn't trust him as much as I would the first guy. Not sure how that plays into all of this, but I figured I would mention my thoughts.

Also, you replied when I replied.

The second guy would get more women, yes and he would probably have more friends. There is no doubt in that. We are creatures who gravitate towards pretty things. But, the first guy is going to get A LOT further in life by being confident and he will get more friends than if he was bitter, angry, and depressed. The first guy will have less friends if he was bitter, angry and depressed.

Also, if you go around not giving a damn about what people think of you then none of this will matter. You will find your true friends, being your true self and anyone who still judges you won't matter.

 

[powerfulthoughts]

Confidence is an inner contentment with who you are. It is loving yourself and exuding/projecting that love of self to other people. I can be confident in my looks but not truly love and be content with what I feel about my inner self, and then people will treat me accordingly.

Even a person who is stereotypically unattractive physically, can appear and exude a spirit of confidence, love and strength. Looks really are a very artificial part of life, and any substantial and meaningful part of life will not be determined by physical appearance.

People are substanitally creatures of emotion, so anyone who can project strong, positive emotions in other people will always be received well, because they will elicit feelings of contentment and security within others.

Obtaining confidence is an intensely difficult struggle if you were not fortunate enough to have parents and surrounding individuals who provided that reassurance that you are good at the core. Confidence is usually aquired in childhood, so to gain it as an adult, you must take a step back, realize that the "you are not good enough or capable enough" feeling is a complete lie, and then start building your life from a new premise. A premise that you are very well good enough, and that you are much more capable than you allow yourself to be.

Just some thoughts

EDIT TO ADD: Also, confidence affects the way someone will present themselves physically. The first picture doesn't show someone who is confidence, neither in his facial expression or the way he looks. Confidence and emotionally validated people will also show it in their expression and the way they decide to present themlseves to others. Looks often times can be affected by confidence, to some degree. Not saying that some aren't more genetically gifted than others, but anyone who loves and is confident with themselves won't have too much of a problem finding someone who wants to share in that type contentment and security the other is projecting.

 

[powerfulthoughts]

To an extent - but not completely. People will see you by their own interpretation of what kind of person they THINK you are - Whether that be you looking a certain way, you're social status, your job, you're income level, your neighbourhood, you're friends, the car you drive, the way you speak (not the words you say), the way you walk - etc etc etc

I used a visual example because that is the most obvious and has the biggest effect, these other examples are too subtle to get the point across. This ISN'T about looks - but it is about impressions and how people are perceived.

If both of these guys, had exactly the same levels of this *cough* notion of confidence and were not shy - who would come across as appearing more confident and thereby more capable? Who would take charge? Who would be more listened too?

See I think - confidence is subjective to the external world. It comes from within for sure, I could go around all day doing whatever I want and not give a damn about what people think about me - but there are limitations in place. Your confidence will only go as far as how others will interpret what kind of person they see you as.

The limitations are not really there if the confidence is genuine and deeply within. People will perceive confidence and will treat it the same way regardless of looks. Perceptions are based on what level of GENUINE confidence someone has. I've seen cases where unattractive folks have projected such a sense of assuredness and security with themselves, that they've succeeded in almost all areas of life.

 

[KiaKaha]

^^^ you bring up some good points. A good thorough and thoughtful post. I will have to have a think about what you are saying, but I am still not entirely convinced.

If I interpret this right, you're specifically talking about confidence as a factor of being approved by others? And if people perceive you as not confident, even if you were, they'd still reject you?

Thats pretty much it - because sometimes I feel confident - but still get the feeling that even if you believe in yourself, confidence is only validated by how others respond to the image that you are giving out.

People react to the other people based on their interpretation of who they think they are. Why is it some people can be intimidating? Or why is it some people are taken more seriously or are seen as wise? Or why is it certain kinds of people come across as authoritative? Or in control and happy? Is this an effect of inner confidence or is it something else?

I base all this on the premise that confidence = an attractive quality.

 

[Kiwong]

I don't think any point is being made with those photos other than reinforcement of stereotypes.

Maybe the first guy is capable of fixing my computer

The second guy might be capable of selling real estate

There. Just putting forward my stereotypes.

I'm starting to tire of these sorts of threads and this forum now.

 

[KiaKaha]

I don't think any point is being made with those photos other than reinforcement of stereotypes.

Maybe the first guy is capable of fixing my computer

The second guy might be capable of selling real estate

There. Just putting forward my stereotypes.

I'm starting to tire of these sorts of threads and this forum now.

Well I didnt mean to cause offense - Perhaps it was a thoughtless example - as I keep mentioning over and over again its not so much about looks - even though the example I used *is* a very obvious stereotype - the point (whether I am right or wrong) still remains.

No one is obliged to respond to my threads if they find the topics disagreeable.

 

[KiaKaha]

I think perhaps this thread is merging with how people see you as opposed to confidence itself - which is probably my fault. Confidence is partly about not caring what people think and internalizing the belief in yourself - but I dont know man, there is something about all this that isnt sitting quite right with me....

Image and status - can take you further than confidence - in my opinion.

but I do know what you are saying firewalk - I think my argument from my perspective is probably on a fairly shallow level - without depth. I have always found people to have an incredibly dismissive attitude to people they dont know particularly well - and I try to understand this by coming to conclusion that its about image and perception. I wonder how is it people can actually form a relationship or a bond - and the answer, in my opinion is spending time with one another - but there is a hurdle - and its always that hesitance and uncertainty about how people view you, all coming from the information they gain about you through their impression and unvalidated evidence.

I do find it interesting though that people who have gone through severe adversity through their life particularly with disabilities and "real" illnesses they get more attention and respect than those with soft illnesses or those lacking in confidence and self esteem.

 

[gustavofring]

Image and status - can take you further than confidence - in my opinion.

But it is interconnected. Without confidence there will be no image and status. It begins with confidence in oneself. With many people that is over-confidence though. There's a difference between levelheaded confidence and out of your head arrogance, and most people will notice that immediately.

 

[Gaucho]

yes. when i feel looking good( ok, when i don't hate myself) then i feel ready for confrontations and am not afraid to new situations, but thats lately never the case.
maybe i answered a bit in a different direction to the OPs question

 

[muxmux]

But it is interconnected. Without confidence there will be no image and status. It begins with confidence in oneself. With many people that is over-confidence though. There's a difference between levelheaded confidence and out of your head arrogance, and most people will notice that immediately.

Yes, i fully agree with this. The main point in confidence is the ''confidence in oneself''.

 

[KiaKaha]

You know...

I just want to say one thing with this thread. I think I may have gone about illustrating my point the wrong way.

However what I do believe quite strongly is that -

Your confidence, will only take you so far. The way other people perceive you will take you the rest of the way - the perception that people have about you will be partly determined by your appearance - among many other things that we cannot control.

Confidence is fine - it's necessary, but it has its limitations. People need to start realizing that nearly every opportunity is not based entirely on what they believe they can control - it is based partly - on the way that others will treat you.

If anyone is interested in this topic you should read a book called Blink by Malcolm Galdwell - where there is evidence that suggests everything that I have tried to get across in this thread is valid and has some truth to it.

I never meant to cause offense with my example, but I think its something that should be thought about.

"I am not who you think I am,
I am not who I think I am,
I am who I think you think I am."

 

[coyote]

Your confidence, will only take you so far. The way other people perceive you will take you the rest of the way - the perception that people have about you will be partly determined by your appearance - among many other things that we cannot control.

Confidence is fine - it's necessary, but it has its limitations. People need to start realizing that nearly every opportunity is not based entirely on what they believe they can control - it is based partly - on the way that others will treat you.

right, but if we have no control over it, what good does it do us to obsess about it? - that only causes us needless worry and despair

if we can't do anything about it, we must let it go, and work on the things we CAN control or that we CAN change

I am who I think you think I am.

we can't control the thoughts of others, but we can control our own thoughts

 

[kilojoule]

Tbh and I genuinely mean honest, I'd have to meet them.

 

[KiaKaha]

right, but if we have no control over it, what good does it do us to obsess about it? - that only causes us needless worry and despair

if we can't do anything about it, we must let it go, and work on the things we CAN control or that we CAN change

Ah well you see... thats where you and I differ. I think it does matter. An obsession isnt necessary - but perhaps an awareness is, I mean if everyone did then it perhaps it wouldnt matter.... but it does. The only thing I wanted to get across is that in my opinion - you can be as confident as anything - but does it help you? Not necessarily. You are still held back by the powers that be. Its just yet another illustration of how unfair things can be for people who are naturally disadvantaged. If you arent percieved as confident - then that confidence is negated. I remember one time a comment one of my workmates said to me - we were joking around and talking about what if *I* was the boss - and my co worker said "Do you really think anyone would listen if YOU were in charge?" - not that I would ever get into a management position because for one I have absolutely zero desire to do so, but also because I dont have the "presence" that a management position would require, despite having all the confidence in the world.

I SO know you arent going to see it my way. But hey - its just how I see it.

 

[coyote]

the Aztecs thought they could ensure that the sun would continue to rise if they ripped the still-beating heart out of a virgin's chest

i doubt it did any good one way or the other

but i suppose it made them feel better somehow