Do you have to rehearse in your mind before you speak?

[SilentAndShy]

This is especially more so in group situations or when there is a room filled of people. Let's say there is a discussion or a debate going on, and something comes into my head that I feel like saying, but then the other side of my brain says, don't say it and my mouth begins to close. But, if there is a brief lull into the chat, then I'll probably say it.

The sad thing is that the perception of me by my family members is that I sometimes come out with things they haven't thought of so I can give valid opinions but fear prevents me from doing so.

When it comes to joking in a group environment, again I have to rehearse the joke in my head then say it rather than coming out with it incase it bombs.

It's sort of like your brain has got a pad lock on it and that whenever you try to unlock it, the fears instantly creep and the padlock just won't come off.

Anyone experience this and anyone had good or bad moments in similiar situations like this?

 

[lilmutegirl]

Yes, I always rehearse what I say in my mind. I probably only actually vocalize 5-10% of what I think, though.

 

[laure15]

I do this too because I don't want to make a fool out of myself. I've been in situations like this where I'm in a large group and we have a discussion. Usually when I pluck up the courage to say something, someone would ask me "I can't hear you. What did you say?" and then I had to repeat myself once or twice, sometimes thrice. Sometimes my opinions are not insightful so I wished I hadn't said anything in the first place.

 

[OceanMist]

This is especially more so in group situations or when there is a room filled of people. Let's say there is a discussion or a debate going on, and something comes into my head that I feel like saying, but then the other side of my brain says, don't say it and my mouth begins to close.

What you just described is pretty much an exact definition of social anxiety. It's the fear of judgement in social situations. Everyone on this forum has experienced this, some more than others.

 

[BamanPiderman]

When I'm in a group of people I know and like well enough, I don't have to think about what to say next at all, and I'm able to make a lot of people laugh in a friendly setting. I'm actually more nervous when it comes to one-on-ones, because then there's more responsibility on you to keep the conversational ball rolling, whereas with groups, you're not expected to speak all the time. So yes I have to think about what I say when I'm alone with someone, even if it is a friend.

 

[Lamb]

Been there. Around groups of people I am unfamiliar with, I have to critique my thoughts to make sure it's going they're going to be perceived the way I'd like them to. Sometimes I can't even do that, so I don't say anything at all. If I could I would take the time to write everything down instead. lol

 

[Starry]

Yes, I rehearse in my mind all the time... Not just in the situation, but at night I lie awake running over possible scenarios... I've had so many conversations in my head which never happened...

 

[GhastlyCC]

Always!!!...

 

[BlueDays]

... I've had so many conversations in my head which never happened...

^Same here! h:
I always end up kicking myself that I lost so much time go over and over the possible conversations that did not eventuate.


Often in a group I will wait until there is a long break in the flow of conversation to speak, but when one comes up, what I want to say has become jumbled in my mind while rehearsing it.

 

[mikebird]

Big time, I do

Interview for work

Any planned meeting - to head the rostrum

It's rare that I remember everything properly. Just like getting groceries listed. Memory isn't perfect when anxious

I have learnt over years that I remember crucial points a lot better, if I relax and don't drill in all the items I want to mention. Going free to let my conscious come up with the details over time, especially as we start discussing and the stranger says something that gets me thinking on a similar level, and I can retrieve an answer pretty quickly.

Today I used a new test by recording a conversation during interview with a mobile device in the bag. It was a bit muffled sometimes, but the default settings produced such a small file, and next time I'll go for top quality. There were some phrases from the interviewers that I can't remember hearing while I was there. That's a surprise. Maybe my selective hearing / blocking out / ignoring attributes are showing. I seriously have problems processing people's words and their meaning. I naturally get into my own thoughts when I hear anything of value.

 

[PGT]

I always try to think what to say before I speak but sometimes things just pop out and that's when I make myself look kinda stupid. I can always think of things to say after a conversation has finished but struggle at the time to keep things moving.

 

[Doubiousness]

I am a bit of drinker so I whenever I meet new people in a social setting, I always need a drink in my hand. I know it is one of those signs of alcoholism, but if you want to open up and get a **** it attitude where you don't care what people think. You might need to pound back a few. I know I do, the next step is trying to be that open without any lubrication, and that is the scary part.

 

[selon]

Yeah otherwise I'm running out of things to say midsentence ^__^ And when I'm calling someone (except for family and friends) I always have to write down what I want to discuss otherwise I'll get nervous about forgetting stuff.

 

[SilentGirl]

This is especially more so in group situations or when there is a room filled of people. Let's say there is a discussion or a debate going on, and something comes into my head that I feel like saying, but then the other side of my brain says, don't say it and my mouth begins to close. But, if there is a brief lull into the chat, then I'll probably say it.

The sad thing is that the perception of me by my family members is that I sometimes come out with things they haven't thought of so I can give valid opinions but fear prevents me from doing so.

When it comes to joking in a group environment, again I have to rehearse the joke in my head then say it rather than coming out with it incase it bombs.

It's sort of like your brain has got a pad lock on it and that whenever you try to unlock it, the fears instantly creep and the padlock just won't come off.

Anyone experience this and anyone had good or bad moments in similiar situations like this?

I tend to think about things before speaking, but I either take too long & miss the opportunity to voice it, or I do say it out loud but it never sounds the same as it does in my head...h:
Or if we are in a group & a question gets asked that I know the answer to. I don't life my hand to answer it out loud in case I get it wrong:kickingmyself:

 

[painfullheart]

Yes, I always rehearse what I say in my mind. I probably only actually vocalize 5-10% of what I think, though.

same here...

 

[JuiceB]

I always rehearse what I want to say in my mind but usually fail when speaking because of my speech impediment.

 

[WishingICould]

I usually write down what i'm going to say before i use the phone. I'm a weirdo like that.

 

[anomicdeer]

Usually. I have to, especially before a phone call.

 

[AdamE]

Yes. Every time, except when speaking to my friend. It usually gives me a meltdown, and then I don't say anything instead.

 

[JustWannaLove]

I tend to think about things before speaking, but I either take too long & miss the opportunity to voice it, or I do say it out loud but it never sounds the same as it does in my head...h:
Or if we are in a group & a question gets asked that I know the answer to. I don't life my hand to answer it out loud in case I get it wrong:kickingmyself:

^that's me.
and when i also take the courage to say something, they can't hear me so i have to repeat myself.
And when i start saying something, i don't know how to keep the conversation going, or feel like i have to put a "full stop" to the conversation but don't know how and say something stupid.

i also like to write down things i'd like to say when calling someone or i will forget and have nothing to say or talk about everything but what i really needed to talk about.
i often write stories to have imaginary conversations. helps me satisfy the missing/unfulfilled social closeness in my life. even though real life conversations probably wouldnt happen the way i write them.
in real life, people don't often say the things i think/hope they'd say, so i dont get to say what i really wanted to say