Do you have to be perfect?

[Flyingheart]

I do, all the time. I feel like if I'm not perfect people will see it and judge. Of course it's all BS because there is no "perfect", but I still feel that way. But I am working on changing that root thought.
Just wondering if anyone else felt this way.

 

[MrJones]

You don't have to be perfect when no one knows you...

Anyway I've noticed that most people don't care at all about other people's mistakes.

It's all in our heads.

 

[coyote]

yes

the paradox i encounter in attempting to let go of perfectionism is that the more i let go of being perfect in order to improve my own self-worth, the more socially anxious i become out of fear that others still expect it of me

 

[vexatiousmind]

I don't have to be, but I can't help it that I am.

::

 

[Phoenixx]

I completely understand. I'm like this too, always have been. I feel like I have to be perfect or else everyone will notice every mistake or flaw, no matter how big or small it is, and judge me because of it.

 

[Dead_on_Arrival]

yes

the paradox i encounter in attempting to let go of perfectionism is that the more i let go of being perfect in order to improve my own self-worth, the more socially anxious i become out of fear that others still expect it of me

Hit the nail on the head.

I have to do everything perfect. I wallpapered the lounge today and all I could see when I stepped back was how wrong it was. I was beating myself up about every little thing like not getting the cuts perfectly straight, nicking the paper with the scissor tip. Things that everybody else wouldn't even notice.

Everything in life I need to do perfectly, I even have to be perfect in bed. That makes me feel crap. But the sharing of bodily fluids makes me gross out, but thats another OCD story.

 

[Flyingheart]

yes

the paradox i encounter in attempting to let go of perfectionism is that the more i let go of being perfect in order to improve my own self-worth, the more socially anxious i become out of fear that others still expect it of me

Hit the nail on the head.

I have to do everything perfect. I wallpapered the lounge today and all I could see when I stepped back was how wrong it was. I was beating myself up about every little thing like not getting the cuts perfectly straight, nicking the paper with the scissor tip. Things that everybody else wouldn't even notice.

Everything in life I need to do perfectly, I even have to be perfect in bed. That makes me feel crap. But the sharing of bodily fluids makes me gross out, but thats another OCD story.

And I was going to say hit the nail on the head
I don't understand why we need to be perfect when we don't even expect it of other people. Or do we? Or is it that other people seem perfect to us? I guess we must have a distorted view of ourselves, so low in comparison to others that no matter how "perfect" we try to be it won't get us anywhere really in the end because there's that innate voice in us telling us we aren't good enough anyway.

 

[MrJones]

Maybe because of low self-esteem we feel inferior to others so we try to make the best of ourselves.

 

[Flyingheart]

Yes, I agree with you and that's beautiful, phocas. Bookmarked it.

 

[Phoenixx]

Maybe because of low self-esteem we feel inferior to others so we try to make the best of ourselves.

^ I completely agree

 

[this_portrait]

I know I'm not perfect, and I don't necessarily believe I have to be. I feel like everyone else expects me to be, though.

 

[A86]

Some things i hear often...

"practice make perfect"

"nobodys perfect"

im sorry, what? im confused.

 

[MrJones]

Some things i hear often...

"practice make perfect"

"nobodys perfect"

im sorry, what? im confused.

Haha practice just makes you better (btw, only if you have some minimum skills)

 

[IGotSeoul]

The problem is I'm very intuitive about things. I'll naturally sense when things are "wrong" and thereon attempt to address them. This married to neurotic/maladaptive perfectionism makes it difficult to differentiate what I feel is wrong and what I feel is wrong.

 

[Beatrice]

The problem is I'm very intuitive about things. I'll naturally sense when things are "wrong" and thereon attempt to address them. This married to neurotic/maladaptive perfectionism makes it difficult to differentiate what I feel is wrong and what I feel is wrong.

I believe I'm the same way. I'm really really sensitive to the atmosphere and dynamic of interactions with people, so when something seems off it drives me crazy. That's why oftentimes if I feel strangely about someone I try to avoid interacting with them. Obviously that's a natural thing that everyone does, but my point is, I think I'm extra-sensitive to it.

 

[FriendlessGirl]

I know that nobody's perfect and i don't have to be perfect but i think still I somewhat search perfection. Its like my natural tendency,though I try to resist this.

 

[Srijita52]

The problem is I'm very intuitive about things. I'll naturally sense when things are "wrong" and thereon attempt to address them. This married to neurotic/maladaptive perfectionism makes it difficult to differentiate what I feel is wrong and what I feel is wrong.

^Yeah,its the same with me.

 

[Flyingheart]

Hmmmm. I suppose you have to ask yourself why you feel the need to please others. Why does it contribute to your self worth if someone likes (or dislikes) your appearance? I'm guessing you're talking specifically about the physical. It can't work from the other side, people think what they do about you. Fat,ugly, stupid...whatever, you can't change that view. So you have to work from your end,towards not giving a **** and being sure of yourself and your positive qualities.

The best thing you can do is rationalise these thoughts. The more you do that, the less bothered you are by what people think of you. I'm nearly there, there's literally only one...maybe two things someone can say that will hurt me But apart from that...I really don't care. People look at me, so what? Human beings do that a lot. And if a hot guy happens to be, wellll
You can't know what these people are thinking. You can't know if it's negative or not.
I don't believe any human being can ever be totally desensitised from other's judgements. There's always something that will hurt you, that's why you should be careful not to divulge what that is. I'm sure most of us have the made the mistake of doing so, though. It's an unobtainable dream.

Change your thoughts, not you actual appearance. There's nothing wrong with you, just how people have been conditioned to perceive you. We've all been affected really, some are working to undo how we've been conditioned and encouraged to think. Like me

Thanks for the answers everyone. Actually I was referring to personality rather than physical Everything you said is true, it's just working out a way to stop feeling like I need to be perfect, when trying to be doesn't result in my feeling any better as I'm sure is the same for everyone else here. When people are around me, I just get this inexplicable urge to be as perfect as I could possibly be, from everything I know about that person, I will mould myself to suit them (if that makes sense). I know it's wrong, so if I keep telling myself these rational, logical sentences maybe they will finally break through...

 

[Psychedelicious]

Oops....

I want to be perfect, I mean I really want to be. I don't "have" to be perfect though, because that isn't even possible for me. All I can do is wish it. I'm about the furthest thing from "perfect". The need to be perfect is hopeless, you can never be perfect. I wish I could settle for something less, but I can't, and I don't even come close.

 

[FountainandFairfax]

I used to have a problem with this, until I found one small area of my life where I could be prefect. Since then I've learned that a little perfection is the most anyone can hope for.