You know when people tell you to be yourself and follow your passion? I honestly don't know if I have a passion. It's not like I get out all the time and immerse myself in life-altering activities, so I probably haven't experienced my calling yet. But it goes deeper than that. People say you recognise something you are passionate about because it makes your blood pump and keeps you up with new ideas and won't leave you alone and stuff like that. Well all that would be fabulous if those weren't the exact symptoms of anxiety I spend my life trying to avoid. It's like, as soon as I have an experience that i can get excited about, my body immediately recognises excitement as a bad thing and i have to dumb down and dim down because i'll feel like i'm having heart failure or something. Is it too much to want to experience good things as if they are good things? I really feel like i have something worthwhile to offer and i'm sick of holding back out of my body's "fear reflexes"