Do you find it hard to care about others?

[worrywort]

Sometimes I worry that I don't care enough about other people. There are people in my life who are struggling, but the thought of trying to help them drains me. It's like I have enough problems in my life, I'm not sure I have the strength to deal with their problems too. But I feel guilty if I don't do something to help. It's not all problems, though. Sometimes I'll listen to someone's problems and I'll actually feel better for it afterwards. But other times I just feel worse.

Also, (this is gonna sound really awful, but I'm just gonna be vulnerably honest here), sometimes when I think about how I'd feel if certain people close to me died, I feel as though I wouldn't really care that much. In fact, with some people, a part of me would feel relief, I guess because I find most relationships more of a chore than a pleasure. But that thought troubles me. Maybe it's a sign that I'm not really close to anyone. Or maybe I'm just a heartless ba*****d!

I dunno. Could it be compassion fatigue? A symptom of modern society?
Does anyone relate, or feel the same? What do you do about it? Any thoughts?

 

[F0AM]

Well, helping others to solve their problems is something that always drains you, whether you love them or not, you do that because you love that person not because is fun lol. And when you already have lots of problems is like adding extra weight that drains you faster. How much you love someone is a question that only you could answer but the thought "helping others drain you" doesn't mean you don't love that person.

About being worried about the idea of someone dying not hurting you, well...sometimes i though about what would happen if i'd lose someone close to me, like my mother or a friend, and it really didn't hurt me (as you, i thought that maybe i didn't love them that much) BUT when my friend told me that she had a tumor, i cried a lot (that really hurt me because i care about her...thanks God, she's fine now) and when my mother died of cancer well...it was like if a part of me would have died with her (lost her 4 years ago and still hurts a lot, love/miss her so much). What i want to say is that as much as you think about that, you know it is just a thought and not a fact so you cannot feel that pain. So just as before, that thought doesn't mean you don't love someone

Don't know about you but for example, socializing drains me a lot so i don't think i could be in a relationship. There's people i love but i don't like them around for too long, i need some time to "recharge my battery". Maybe that's why it is more of a chore than a pleasure.

Don't torture yourself and help others as much as you CAN, something that everyone should understand is that we all are different from each other and help the way we can, not the way others expect us to help.

BTW, not loving someone is not a bad thing, doesn't mean you hate everyone you don't love, you just don't feel that much attached to that person. We don't chose who we love and cannot be forced.


IMO ^_^

 

[dannyboy65]

I've learned about myself that I love caring for others. I am just naturally caring, but not a lot of people are so don't beat yourself up for it. I am currently studying to be an RCW (resident care worker) because I really want to work with seniors. It's hard caring for some people though because they don't want it and that could be stressful. So in that situation all I do is let them be and if they want to talk or anything they will come to me. I will also say working at senior homes death is a daily thing there. I build bonds between these people and care and like them. When they die it's sad but I always tell myself that they are not hurting anymore. Because when you see people suffer everyday it hurts more to see them suffer then to die. A little morbid but it's true. I guess what I'm saying is your not a bad person, you just aren't as caring as some people. But there are millions upon millions of people like you. So your not alone

 

[worrywort]

...

Thanks so much for your reply. That really helped. Yea I think you're right, I'm sure I'd feel a lot more emotional if someone close to me were to actually die. In fact that's what happened with my dog. I was concerned about how little I seemed to care when it came time to put her down, but once we'd done it I balled my eyes out for days afterwards. And yea I shouldn't beat myself up too much. I'll just try to help others the best I can. That's good advice.

...

Thanks for your reply. It's helpful to hear from the perspective of someone like you who naturally loves to care for others. Yea I think you're right, the world needs all types of people, including people like me. I've seen situations before where a person who is more emotionally detached is needed to make some cold hard decisions, so I can understand how there can be a place for all types of people.

 

[gustavofring]

When depression and fatigue comes biting me in the butt, yes. I sort of become borderline misanthropic at times. I also don't really feel up to socializing. Everything seems a chore and I have to push myself to even talk to people.

But when I'm feeling good and positive about my own life, I find I become more empathic, interested in, and caring about others. It comes more naturally out of me.

 

[Fey]

I chalk it up to depression. I didn't feel much for a lot of big events, including losing my grandparents.

 

[worrywort]

When depression and fatigue comes biting me in the butt, yes. I sort of become borderline misanthropic at times. I also don't really feel up to socializing. Everything seems a chore and I have to push myself to even talk to people.

But when I'm feeling good and positive about my own life, I find I become more empathic, interested in, and caring about others. It comes more naturally out of me.

I chalk it up to depression. I didn't feel much for a lot of big events, including losing my grandparents.

Yea that's true, I think I'm the same. When I'm feeling crappy my own sadness kinda becomes a more pressing issue that I need to attend to. It just feels kinda wrong trying to help someone else when I've got this giant black dog mauling my insides.

 

[grapevine]

I personally havent been caring about others much at all- not anything like I used to. But its an illness thing. Sometimes you need to deal with yourself first. I used to be all about my animals, now my mum cares for them as Im not well and in bed most of the time.

Compassion comes out of you when you have compassion for yourself first and foremost.

"compassion for others begins with kindness to ourselves' ~ Pema Chodron (her stuff is worth looking up)

I get very irritated with anxiety when my family is around, esp my parents. And when they went on holiday I couldn't wait to be free of them. But then after sometime, I just wanted them back because I got so lonely and realised that I just wanted the normalcy of people around me.

I think, have compassion and validation and mindfulness of how you feel, its natural human condition.

Found this interesting : )
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A4a66aFaIME

 

[SilentAndShy]

Yes, I found myself since 2011 when my depression/anxiety really kicked in that I found myself becoming unempathetic to other people. I barely shed tears for my aunty passing away in 2012 and even now, I find it hard to care. Or feel sympathy.

 

[Bronson99]

While autism does not remove empathy from a person, with many of us--myself included--it often removes the drive, impetus, desire to reach out and help others. the reason? The internal drive and functionality is based around personal interests. There's no room to ALSO be a people person.

If you're autistic, you can only have it one way.. you're either a self-aware, unique, completely selfish person.. or otherwise a person who cares about people, but who has virtually no personality and often lacks self-awareness.

You can, IMHO, more-or-less separate autistic people into those 2 groups. I'm in the first group, without doubt.

 

[SilentAndShy]

Had the reminder today that atm, I don't care. In my work environment, dealing with people with their concerns and issues relating to their health and frankly I wish they would go as quickly as they come in. Partly because I never seem to listen well and secondly, the story becomes too long to the point eventually I think 'sorry I don't care'.