Do you fear rejection

KiaKaha

KiaKaha

Banned
I cant recall ever seeing this question asked outright.
It is often implied through posting - but I still wonder - do people fear rejection?

In other words - are you afraid of being disliked?

I am.

So much so it almost dictates every facet of my life. I leave places like jobs, or avoid socializing if I feel I am not liked....and I have that feeling all-the-time.

When I feel like I am disliked - I become very quiet, very anxious, very awkward and I behave in a way that seems very odd and confusing.

Can anyone else relate?
 
MikeyC

MikeyC

Well-known member
Hell yeah, I can relate. I do fear rejection. I wouldn't say it dominates my life but it has made me shy away from situations in the past.
 
Gaucho

Gaucho

Well-known member
yes, because of fearing rejection i even lost my personality because of all the times i was anxious in specific situations. i lost my ability to communicate properly.

i have to learn again.
 
Starry

Starry

Well-known member
Yes, I hate being rejected... To the point where I will not make contact with people first unless there is an overriding reason... That way, I can never be rejected in that sense if they don't wish to have contact with me. I feel like I HAVE to be liked and if I'm not then I feel awful!
 
mikebird

mikebird

Banned
YEP!

I don't fit in.

But today I do still have friends. I see them rarely, but I do make them smile and laugh. I'm envious of everyone who has work, and those who are married with kids.

I compromise on anything!!! I will bow down and serve any employer. I mean anything. I will lick shoes to deserve a wage.

I can't know any reason for rejection in every workplace I've been; it always results in a 'thank you but we have to let you go'. Same for girlfriends - they come and go. Nobody ever reveals a reason. I could benefit and do better if one person ever told me 'you're so ugly' or 'you made a mistake' or 'you're stupid' or 'you're boring' or 'you're lazy'. None of these expression are true to me! I'll do anything!! Society and very much the large family I came from label me as... bad... something... is wrong...

BUT I am waiting to be told the reason.

The logic above makes sense. I think if I hated them, I might not tell them. I might walk / run away and get away, without 'being nasty'
 
Bustn Justin

Bustn Justin

Well-known member
I fear rejectio to the point where I don't have a personality. Just function the way I am suppose to in front of other people and by myself don't do muuch.

My fear of rejection keeps me from having hobbies or interests becuase I am afriad to show or discuss them to other people

Fear of rejection also gets me to beat myself up since I cannot be myself around other people.
 
JuiceB

JuiceB

Well-known member
Yeah I also fear rejection. I guess it's one of the reasons why I don't go out alot.
 
kilojoule

kilojoule

1
No. I fear acceptance. Imagine life being all peopley all the time. Rejection I can handle! I know where I stand and what to expect. Acceptance is the unknown, thats the one to be afraid of!
 
twiggle

twiggle

Well-known member
KiaKaha said:
So much so it almost dictates every facet of my life. I leave places like jobs, or avoid socializing if I feel I am not liked....and I have that feeling all-the-time.

When I feel like I am disliked - I become very quiet, very anxious, very awkward and I behave in a way that seems very odd and confusing.

Can anyone else relate?
Click to expand...

Yep this is exactly what I do. I tend to distance myself from anybody who I feel dislikes me. In reality it's probably me that looks like I'm being off with people, not them. Shooting myself in the foot, perhaps.

I do know though it's best just to be who you really are anyway, regardless of what others think. Provided you don't deliberately seek to hurt others then you should just be yourself. The truth is that being distant with people because you feel that they dislike you, is probably more likely to reduce the chances of being friends with them than if you were to have a personal-trait they found irritating. Nobody's perfect but people are far more likely to be forgiving of your flaws if they don't feel as though you're trying to mask something.

Of course, if we feel 'different' to the majority of people it can be very hard to find the courage to be ourselves, yet I've found though that being so is a lot more liberating than keeping parts of ourselves hidden for fear of what people may think.

But whoever we are, whatever we do, there will always be somebody who dislikes us. To try and be liked by everybody is a losing battle for anybody. Best just to put ourselves first and like ourselves before worrying whether or not others do.
 
MikeyC

MikeyC

Well-known member
twiggle said:
Yep this is exactly what I do. I tend to distance myself from anybody who I feel dislikes me. In reality it's probably me that looks like I'm being off with people, not them. Shooting myself in the foot, perhaps.

I do know though it's best just to be who you really are anyway, regardless of what others think. Provided you don't deliberately seek to hurt others then you should just be yourself. The truth is that being distant with people because you feel that they dislike you, is probably more likely to reduce the chances of being friends with them than if you were to have a personal-trait they found irritating. Nobody's perfect but people are far more likely to be forgiving of your flaws if they don't feel as though you're trying to mask something.

Of course, if we feel 'different' to the majority of people it can be very hard to find the courage to be ourselves, yet I've found though that being so is a lot more liberating than keeping parts of ourselves hidden for fear of what people may think.

But whoever we are, whatever we do, there will always be somebody who dislikes us. To try and be liked by everybody is a losing battle for anybody. Best just to put ourselves first and like ourselves before worrying whether or not others do.
Click to expand...
Great post. :) I agree with all of this.
 
Srijita52

Srijita52

Well-known member
twiggle said:
Yep this is exactly what I do. I tend to distance myself from anybody who I feel dislikes me. In reality it's probably me that looks like I'm being off with people, not them. Shooting myself in the foot, perhaps.

I do know though it's best just to be who you really are anyway, regardless of what others think. Provided you don't deliberately seek to hurt others then you should just be yourself. The truth is that being distant with people because you feel that they dislike you, is probably more likely to reduce the chances of being friends with them than if you were to have a personal-trait they found irritating. Nobody's perfect but people are far more likely to be forgiving of your flaws if they don't feel as though you're trying to mask something.

Of course, if we feel 'different' to the majority of people it can be very hard to find the courage to be ourselves, yet I've found though that being so is a lot more liberating than keeping parts of ourselves hidden for fear of what people may think.

But whoever we are, whatever we do, there will always be somebody who dislikes us. To try and be liked by everybody is a losing battle for anybody. Best just to put ourselves first and like ourselves before worrying whether or not others do.
Click to expand...

Well said twiggle.
 
Hellhound

Hellhound

Super Moderator
I used to care a lot, but I kind of beat that fear around strangers because I started not to give a damn about them disliking me. I learned that people who dislike you over stupid reasons are not worth my time.

I am very scared of being rejected by my friends, though. Doing something wrong and being left alone. But this fear is irrational most of the times.
 
TailsAlone

TailsAlone

Well-known member
Terribly. Fear of rejection is a core issue in AvPD and it was the first of many things that struck a chord with me when I first read about it. When I was a kid I felt rejected by my whole immediate family and almost everyone in my school. It hurt so much that I stopped reaching out a long time ago. In the meantime I've lost whatever social skills I had.
 
Opaline

Opaline

1
Well... yeah. Isn't that the cause of social anxiety? If one was socially anxious but didn't fear rejection, I can't see why they'd be anxious at all. But maybe there are those out there who are like that :confused:

When I was younger I thought all I had to do was become more "outgoing" - that was my biggest goal. If I just had more friends, I would be happy.

As I've gotten older I've reduced many of my fears, but I've found new ones have replaced them. Now I am able to hold a conversation with someone, but I still can't be myself completely. I have the worst time with being assertive, it is nearly impossible for me.

And now that I'm an adult I fear making friends and then losing them. I already have, of course (I think just about everyone will lose friends at some point), and it's really painful just about every time. I fear I will end up all alone.

Oh wait, that's already happening to me.
 
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