I have no friends whatsoever. I used to think I was happy this way, then I considered my habit of listening to YouTube videos just to hear people's voices and hugging my pillow in replacement of human contact.
;_; Head>desk
I can relate to a lot of what you feel. I don't have very many friends, just one really. She'll be gone this next week on vacation, but I haven't been able to spend much time with her this week because she's trying to get everything ready. Her and I usually fall asleep on the web-cam together, but that won't be possible at the hotel she's staying at. It's hard to sleep without her there, and sometimes I play audio books at night just to hear something so I can fall asleep. I hug my pillow quite frequently when she isn't around... I checked out a few random nature movies from the library, and a couple books so I'll have something to do while she'll be gone.
The worst thing about my dependency on her is that she doesn't like my neediness. She's my ex, and things just got too dramatic because of how I treat her sometimes, and how I acted around other people. I don't dislike her friends, don't necessarily like a lot them either, but I always seemed to rub her them the wrong way right from the start. I know they care about her, and I appreciate that they are were for her when she's needed them and I don't think they are bad people.
I would like to have some friends I could spend time with while she is away, but what others see to be my "extreme" morals tends to keep me from being okay around anyone. I am very easily offended by sexual things, and so being an American is often offensive to me. I realize that most places in the world would offend me just as much or more. Virginia is probably one of the more "tame" places in the States... but my problems with how sexual society is are my biggest barriers in not being so weird.
When something offends me, I typically go quiet and kinda shut off. I don't look around myself much because I don't want to be offended further, and I don't want to talk about what I am offended by because I'd rather just forget it happened. This isn't just awkward for "normal" people (who aren't bothered a bit), but also for my friend. She finds it hard to trust me because of the way I act, and the awkwardness of it is something she would much rather not have around.
I've been told it's alright to be offended, not that I thought any differently, and I want to be able to express it appropriately and not let it completely ruin my day. It's hard because this is the way I've dealt with offensive things for a long time now.
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