disappointed in myself

[shakethelight]

I am really disappointed in myself today. I had every intention of going to the gym this morning but I didn't make it. Tomorrow when my therapist asks me if I did the ONE thing she instructed me at least try, my answer will be no. I failed myself and her. I really hate the fact that I think that every time I leave my house that everyone is looking and judging me. I know I am not some special snowflake and people aren't really that invested in what I am doing but the emotional part of me still hasnt caught up with the intellectual part of me yet. I don't mean to sound whiny. But, tomorrows a new day and I won't let this small set back hold me back from moving on with my life. I just need to know has anyone progressed with SA? does it actually get better? and how long did it take you to move on and start doing every day simple tasks?

 

[Agent_Violet]

It does get better You've just gotta be relentless with pushing yourself. You run the risk of dragging yourself down if you focus on the things you failed to do instead of recognizing the little things you ARE doing to make progress.

Start small.Try to be consistent with your efforts but don't beat yourself to death mentally when you slip up bc that just makes it 10 times harder to get back on track.

Just say no to mental self abuse!

So you didn't go to the gym...do some lunges,some chair dips,and take a walk outside instead then. No, it isn't your goal but it's SOMETHING.

LOTS and LOTS of self encouragement. Don't wait for anyone else to praise you,push you,or encourage you. This is one time where you can't abandon yourself.
Keep a journal of even the tiniest bits of progress you make daily then READ IT OUTLOUD.

Don't be afaid to recognize your awesomeness

It's slow and frustrating but just keep going and keep trying ;-)

 

[bcsr]

It does get better, it's just a slow process. I lived with my parents until I was 22, I had been unemployed for 4 years and I was a two time college drop-out. I'd been on so many meds, I'd been in therapy. It finally came a point where I just didn't care anymore how bad the anxiety was, my situation couldn't get any worse so what was there to lose?

I'm not 100% over it, I have moments of depression still. But I have a good job, own my own home, and I'm 100% independent. It's hard not to get frustrated, but the effort is worth it. I promise.

 

[shakethelight]

Thanks for the reply, It makes me feel better hearing other peoples story of successes. And I know I shouldn't care what others think when it's something I want for myself. I just need to keep that in mind for instance when I want to go to the gym or whatever.

I am really happy to hear things turned out well for you

 

[vylorna]

I had the very same problem with the gym. I would finally make it till there.. and then chicken out before actually entering it I did this so many times and in the end I was so sick of myself that I made an appointment with the coach there, so I would feel kinda pushed to go. I remembering crying in my car because I felt so terrified and totally freaked out, but I didn't want to let down my coach, so that worked for me. I did make it inside.

What could also help is maybe taking someone with you? I don't know if that's an option for you, but mostly having someone there gives some kinda support instead of facing your fears alone. Or instead of the gym, you could try other public areas that you feel a little more comfortable with? Just don't give up, you can do this. Good luck!

 

[shakethelight]

I am truly sorry that you went through that. I know how horrible and debilitating it feels. But, I am glad you seemed to push through it! I did make an appt. with a trainer but flaked out lol because I was afraid of looking stupid. I waited a week and went back. The thing of is, I was doing SO well. Then I just stopped going because I got really depressed. Then I started overthinking and thought well, if I go back they are just going to think I am not serious and laugh at me.

I used to go with a friend but she didn't really LIKE to work out. I actually enjoy it and once I get through the doors can stay for a good two hours. so it's best that I go alone plus it's good for my SA. I just need to stop all this thinking and go. Stop talking and be about it.

I am going to start a journal and really try, stop thinking my SA is a reason to not do things. Thank you for the replie. Everyone has been so helpful.

 

[WeirdyMcGee]

It sounds like you have the right attitude, shakethelight!

 

[Satine]

Yes, it does get better.

But remember, your therapist doesn't have the power to tell you to do anything. I know that you want to do what she asks you to because she knows what she's doing, but the very fact you didn't manage to visit the gym is worth discussing with her in itself. It's not a failure in therapeutic terms, it's an example of your anxiety which can be looked at, and understood. The more you understand about your emotional states, the more choice you will have.

Remember to forgive yourself, always. I know it's not always easy but every time something like this happens you get to learn a bit more about the condition of anxiety. You just need to keep chipping away at it.